By the way.
In Russian, "the crow's wet feathers" supposedly means "the peak of despair." Given that, you could romantically describe this island as the ultimate destination for those in despair. Just as the opposite of affection isn't hatred, but indifference, the opposite of hope isn't despair. Surely, the opposite of despair is the apathetic acceptance of all things. That sheer apathy laced with the absolute conviction that allows you to approve of all things, saying, "Yeah, that's fine"— that is the opposite of hope.
Everything is here, so what more could I possibly need? This apathy I felt was way over the line of normality. The proverbial destination of all of one's emotions.
That noninterfering realm on the other side of the lake that we all view at some point or another with admiring eyes laced with envy. That domain on the other side of taboo, connected to reality by a big equals sign.
To reach said domain, you had to make many sacrifices. What's more, it was a one-way ticket with no guarantees.
However, even then, there are people who reach it — whether by some mistake or through knowledge.
Ibuki Kanami, Sonoyama Akane, Sashirono Yayoi, Himena Maki, Akagami Iria, Chiga Akari, Chiga Hikari, Chiga Teruko, Handa Rei.
And Kunagisa Tomo…
This is all probably a big old heap of ridiculous mumbo-jumbo. Nothing but boring, worthless nonsense. And the continuation of this nonsense is unwholesome at best.
Really now, what kind of a clown was I?
◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆◆
"Have you figured something out?"
The fifth dinner assembly.
Teruko-san had her personal chores to attend to, so her seat was empty, but the other nine of us were all gathered together. Nine people. Until the day before yesterday, just two days ago, there were twelve of us surrounding this round table.
"Do I have to ask again? Kunagisa-san, you all are still doing some investigating, correct? Well, have you figured anything out?" Iria-san asked.
She seemed to be having an awful lot of fun. I'm sure she was. Of course, it was fun.
Because she had probably created a whole world in her head. Because this island, this Wet Crow's Feather Island, was, in itself, her whole world.
"Shall I ask again?"
"We know absolutely, positively nothing at all," I answered. "So what about it? Is there a problem?"
"Oh, no. I was just thinking, I guess there's nothing we can do without a specialist after all," Iria-san said with apparent interest. "Well, I guess the best thing then is to continue operating in teams like this for the next three days."
"Three days?" Shinya-san said. "I must say, you seem to be expecting quite a bit from this person. Just what kind of person is this Aikawa-san, anyway? How did you meet?"
"That's a private matter," Iria-san smirked. "But I will tell you what kind of person... Hmm, what should I say? Aikawa-san is a very frightening person. Well, that's what you'd expect from the world's most powerful contractor. But also incredibly intelligent. I'm sure this case will be solved in no time. Hehehe, I really can't wait."
The detective, huh?
Solving the case before the lead detective even got here probably disqualified me as a supporting character, I thought. But my life was on the line here, too, and there were various complicated circumstances. I couldn't just sit around and wait for the main character to show up. It was his own fault for being late.
"Kekekeke," Maki-san snickered next to me.
She seemed to be having an awful lot of fun as well. I didn't know whether she was reading my thoughts or watching the whole farce. Surely, it was at least one of those, but that probably wasn't the only reason she was laughing. Really, just who was this woman who was able to continue laughing even after knowing everything in the entire world?
She was probably deserving of respect. Still, I avoided eye contact.
"I'm told Aikawa-san will be here by the afternoon three days from now at the latest. After that, I'm sure everything will soon be—"
As Iria-san expounded over this detective of hers, she was interrupted by the sound of overturning flatware and pots banging together, accompanied by a screech.
"Enough!"
It was Yayoi-san.
Rising from her seat, Yayoi-san used her right arm to shove off the table all of the food she herself had made. She then proceeded to take the now dirty tablecloth and yank it, causing all the dishes to come toppling off the table and shatter. A string of ear-shattering noise echoed through the dining room.
"Enough of this!"
She banged her hands on the table.
"Sashirono-san…"
In an effort to settle her down, Hikari-san rose from her seat as well and approached her, but Yayoi-san gave her a violent shove.
"What is all this? Give me a break! I want to be out of this farce! Detectives? Sealed rooms? Decapitated corpses? This isn't some mystery novel. Don't you realize people are being killed? Why the hell are you eating during this kind of discussion? Their heads were cut off! Don't eat my food while you're talking about such things! You must all be crazy if you're able to stay so calm about all this! Why don't you care that people were killed? You're all disgusting! Since when was it okay to kill people in this country?"
"Sashirono-san…" Hikari-san said from the floor. "Please calm down."
"You're the killer!" Yayoi-san screamed even louder. "It's obvious! We already know that! You were the only one with a key to that storage room, and you visited Sonoyama-san's room in the middle of the night, didn't you? That's when you killed her! And you must have killed Ibuki-san, too!"
"You don't have any proof. You shouldn't say such things without any proof, Yayoi-san." I tried my best to stay cool as I reprimanded her. "There's no proof that Hikari-san is the murderer."
"Proof? I don't give a hoot about proof!"
"But there's no reason Hikari-san would have done such a thing."
"It's not like you can expect to understand how a maniac's mind works! She's probably going to use it in some kind of ritual! To call upon God! No more, no more, no more!!! Why are you trying to come near me? You think you'll take my head next? Never!"
"Yayoi-san, please calm down."
"I'm plenty calm! I'm fine! You are all the crazy ones! You're all nuts! You're all disgusting! Get yourselves together! I can't stand you! I can't even talk to you! What language are you all speaking? Detectives? Sealed rooms? Severed heads? What the hell language is that? Am I the only one from Earth here? If that's the case, then I'll just leave right now. I don't want to be on this maniac island anymore. I don't want to talk to you people!"
Bam! She slammed the table once again.
"I don't trust any of you! From now on, I'm staying in my room. I'm barricading myself in. Call me when you're ready to send me back to the mainland! Otherwise, leave me the hell alone! Don't come near me!"
With that said. Yayoi-san stormed off toward the dining room exit.
"Sashirono-san," Hikari-san called once more, but Yayoi-san didn't even look back, and eventually she was gone from sight.
A brief, awkward silence.
"Oh my," Iria-san eventually said with slumped shoulders. "And here I thought she was so polite. What a temper."
She continued. "Oh, what now?" She sighed. "Aikawa-san is going to all the trouble to come here, I can't just send one of the suspects home. Hikari, this is your responsibility; go, do something to convince her."
"Yes, ma'am," Hikari-san said with her head down. "Understood, my mistress."
"Ohhh, dinner is all ruined. Akari, will you hurry and make us something? Now just where has Teruko gone at a time like this?"
Indeed, dinner was ruined just as Iria-san said, but it was a necessary sacrifice. It wasn't my money, and of course, you shouldn't waste food, but I wasn't the one who had done it anyway. It was Yayoi-san, the one who had made the food in the first place.
Kunagisa stared at the fallen, smashed dishes with a look of despair. Not the food, but the dishes. Perhaps she was thinking of her destroyed computers, which were the same shade of white.
"Hey, catcher."
"Mmm?" Kunagisa looked at me. "What, Ii-chan?"
"I better get going. I'll leave this to you."
"Gotcha," she nodded.
I rose from my seat and headed for the door.
I could hear the sound of trouble brewing behind me. I turned to find Kunagisa had climbed over the table and jumped Shinya-san. It was admittedly a slightly enviable sight for me, but for now, I had to let it go.
Besides, I couldn't take Kunagisa with me.
Running down the hall with one eye closed, I climbed the stairs and eventually spotted Yayoi-san by her room. She was leaning up against the wall, a vacant look on her face.
She looked up at me. "Ah," she sighed with relief. "How was I?"
"You gave a star performance."
"Performance, huh? It was more than half-true, really," she said as she continued walking with me. "But is it really true? Is that person really the killer?"
"You checked it yourself, right?"
"Yeah, the smell was right, but… I don't have that much faith in my sense of smell. I'm not a dog, after all."
"You're just like one though."
"That's not a compliment, you know."
Yeah, I knew. Kanami-san once told me something similar. It's not a compliment if you say, "You're like a such and such."
Well, what woman wouldn't be offended after being compared to a dog? I apologized innocently.
We had arrived at the door to Yayoi-san's room.
"So, what do we do from here?"
"Yayoi-san, please go back to the dining room. It's dangerous here."
"Then why are you doing it?" she asked, simply out of suspicion. "I feel like there must be another way. This is just my speculation, but it feels like you deliberately picked the most dangerous possible option."
"In this world, there are people who die from eating too much and people who die from starvation, and the former is overwhelmingly more common. But it seems you're the latter type."
"Don't overestimate me."
"That wasn't a compliment."
With that, she gave me a nod and slowly headed back the way we had come.
"Dangerous, man…" I whispered to myself. Of course, I was well aware of this. I had a complete understanding of the dangers I faced when I decided to do this, which I suppose really did make me the starving-to-death type.
Now that's nonsense.
After a brief, mental preparation, I slowly, gently opened the door to Yayoi-san's room.
Dark inside. Unable to see much of anything, I took a step inside.
Swoosh.
The sound of sliced air.
I did a forward roll and slid into the room. Then I rose to one knee and opened the eye that had been closed. This way I could make out the inside of the room at least a little bit.
Someone closed the door behind me. I could see the face clearly, and at that moment learned that my hypothesis had been correct. My opponent wore a slight look of surprise but only held it for a moment before brandishing a hatchet — a hatchet! — at me.
Silent.
My attacker didn't say a word.
With a deep breath, I rose to my feet. It had been quite some time since I had done any acrobatics. Not that I had been bad at it, just that my skills had definitely dulled in the few months since coming back to Japan.
As if realizing the immediate need to settle this, my attacker moved first, shuffling toward me. With Kunagisa holding Shinya-san down, someone would eventually come and save me as long as I could buy some time. There was no need to go on the offensive. In fact, I wanted to get out of there, but my attacker was standing between me and the door so that probably would've posed quite a challenge.
For now, I just had to focus on dodging attacks. This sort of passive thinking had me written all over it, but it was no good. In focusing my gaze entirely on my attacker's hatchet, I completely neglected to pay any attention to my feet.
My attacker faked with the hatchet, then came at me with a leg sweep. It made a glorious connection. Unable to even roll back to my feet, instead my back slammed into the carpet. The attacker proceeded to mount me and pin down my shoulders. It all happened in a single instant.
The match was essentially over. Maybe I should have spent those mornings running marathons instead of just going for walks. Or maybe I should have continued going to the dojo even when I got back to Japan.
"Ah… Ahhh…"
Ah well, truth be told, it didn't really make much difference whether I was killed or not. At this point, Kunagisa had probably already explained everything to the others, and Yayoi-san had already returned to the dining room as well. Either way, there was no chance my attacker would escape. I had lost the match, but the tournament was ours.
So this was fine. Now then, the hatchet. Use the hatchet.
"Die."
My attacker's cold, familiar voice. I realized I had completely given up. What was this sensation? Why? Why was I even willing to give up my own life?
I didn't want to live?
It wasn't that I wanted to die, but I didn't want to live, either. Life was a big hassle, but I wasn't jumping at the idea of death specifically. Was there nothing important to me? Nothing I wanted? Nothing I wanted to protect? Is that why I was so ready to give up?
"No."
No.
It was because even if I died here, no one would be bothered. Kunagisa wouldn't be bothered.
Maki-san.
Did you know this was coming? If so, I suppose I'm grateful that you didn't let me know about it. I now knew the reason Maki-san, who knew all, had said nothing. You die exactly when you should, though I wasn't quite in that frame of mind yet.
Indeed. Just as Teruko-san said, I really should just die. Seriously.
Hey…
But the hatchet wasn't coming down. It was raised way up in the air, and then just stopped. Looking up in confusion, I saw not a taunting expression, but rather a twisted grimace as my attacker struggled and fought to bring the hatchet down.
"You don't close your eyes, do you?"
There was another person! It wasn't the voice of the person on top of me. I couldn't see from where I was, but this third person must have grabbed the hatchet while it was up in the air and refused to let go.
Who was it? Had Yayoi-san come to save me? Had Kunagisa followed me here? But neither of these seemed like feasible possibilities.
The third person wrenched the hatchet upward and in the same instant delivered a beautiful, truly glorious low kick to my attacker's now completely open side. Unable to take the blow, my attacker rolled off me and slammed into the nearby sofa. In another instant, though, the assailant was back on two feet and face-to-face with the third person.
In one fell swoop, I had become a mere spectator.
At this point, for some reason, the third person threw away the hatchet. And here there was such a golden opportunity to use it. Could this have been a gesture of sportsmanship? At a time like this?
Unlike when fighting me, this time my attacker attempted no reckless leaping. But there was a time limit here. If this didn't get settled fast, there was a chance Kunagisa would finish explaining everything and bring the others here.
But this third person didn't repeat my mistake. Bam, came the sound of feet hitting the floor as the third person sprang toward my attacker, covering as much as six feet in a single stride. In a Japanese kenpo-style motion, the third person used the momentum from the leap to deliver a straight punch. Instead of dodging back or to the side, my attacker instead contorted diagonally, both dodging the punch and closing in on the third person at the same time. My attacker then grabbed the third person by the throat, but the third person delivered another straight punch without even trying to avoid my attacker's clutch. My attacker, still in offensive mode, was unable to dodge. The punch connected straight with the heart.
"Argh!"
My attacker let out a groan but refused to release the third person's throat. Then, almost effortlessly, my attacker slid past the third person's side and delivered a back kick to the calf.
The third person stumbled.
It appeared that my attacker intended to use this opportunity to slam the third person into the floor. Watching from the sidelines, even I thought this was the end. But it didn't end. The third person used my attacker's arm as a pivot axis and swung up while shifting in midair, causing them both to fall to the floor together with my attacker's arm in a lock. It was a judo offense-through-defense technique.
Another instant. The surprisingly dull, almost anticlimactic sound of breaking bone echoed through the dark room. The third person released the arm and stood up. My attacker followed suit and began to stand up, too, but before managing to get up all the way, took a merciless kick to the already seemingly broken arm. My attacker flew through the air and over the sofa. Then came the sound of the shattering glass table. And my attacker fell back on the sofa.
"Phewwww." The third person exhaled a deep breath with complete calm.
We had a winner.
I was utterly speechless.
At last, the third person faced me. And then, without so much as a smirk, said, "When you're about to die, I think you should close your eyes."
"Didn't you say guys like me should die?" I mumbled faintly.
"Oh, that." She tilted her head. "That was a lie."
Teruko-san said.
Slowly shaking my head, I held my hand out to her. I figured the chances were about fifty-fifty, but she grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet.
"What are you doing here?"
"No reason. It was just inevitable."
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't worry about it. It's just nonsense."
Now that…
That was my line.
Sigh.
"Thank you."
After pulling me back to my feet, she let go of my hand and looked at me with those out-of-focus eyes.
"No need to thank me. More importantly…"
A brief pause.
"There's something that's been bothering me."
"What?"
This was a fairly heavy statement to make. What was she about to say? I couldn't even imagine.
Dark.
My eyes had completely adjusted to the darkness, but even still, I couldn't read Teruko-san's expression.
Just like my own heart.
Just like the hearts of others.
"Your question from this afternoon," she said, with that same old pale tone and cold gaze. "I know you were speaking metaphorically… Were you talking about Kunagisa-san or yourself?"
The child locked in the basement.
Deprived of communication with anyone else for ten years.
"Ah…"
Once again, I reached out to touch Teruko-san's hand for no reason at all.
For an instant, our fingers touched. And then, in that moment of separation…
An eardrum-shattering sound. The feeling of a shock wave running through my entire body. Teruko-san's body slumped onto me. Like deadweight.
I held on to her as she rested her entire weight on me. But there was no time to stand there and savor the warm touch of her expectedly light body. My eyes were still glued to the sofa.
Or, to be more specific…
To the woman sitting there holding a handgun. Sitting there, totally aloof.
My eyes were glued to it. It was a black gun, a relatively popular model. I had even seen a few overseas. I sure didn't expect to see one in this country, though. She had a Glock?
The reason why she hadn't used the gun until now was obvious. No matter how big this mansion was, it wasn't big enough to stop the sound of a gunshot from reaching every corner of it. In other words, this was probably the final ace up her sleeve. It was an illegal move, the absolute forbidden method.
In which case…
In which case the day was mine. I still had my ace, though maybe I had let the time to use it slip away.
And so the conclusion continued. The resolution to the final scene.
A voice. A faint voice.
And then, the gun barrel turned toward me.
She said something I couldn't hear, my ears still ringing from the gun blast. My eardrums were probably okay, just momentarily paralyzed. But in a situation like this, that meant the same thing. It didn't look as if she were going to wait for my hearing to come back.
What did she say? It kind of bothered me. This was a checkmate.
Farewell. How stupid. What were you trying to do? You want to die in a place like this? What were you living for anyway?
She was probably saying something along those lines. Or no, maybe she wasn't saying anything at all.
Either way, there is no meaning in words you can't hear.
Just like there is no meaning in feelings you don't express.
Out of steam, I looked at her. Over Teruko-san's shoulder. Fast the muzzle of the gun.
"Ah."
Just as I thought. Just as I thought, this was the end.
Naturally, I didn't believe anyone was coming to rescue me from this crisis… And this was pretty much what I expected to happen. Of course, I didn't mean to get Teruko-san involved, but aside from that, everything had gone more or less according to plan.
That's because my one and only plan was to not involve Kunagisa. Nothing else mattered. Really, it didn't matter. I was apathetic and indifferent. There was no future. There was no past. I had forgotten about being born long ago. Oblivious to the fact that I was alive. The reality was nothing more than a synonym for the illusion to me, and that was never an antonym for the dream.
At this point.
Teruko-san's body resting on me. My throbbing ankle pain. My paralyzed train of thought. My breaking values. My melting ethics. My collapsing morals. Kanami-san's neck. Akane-san's neck. The truth behind the incident. The culprit. The killer. The murderer. The splitting girl. None of it mattered now. I would forgive it all.
So…
Pull that trigger. Please end it.
K-chink.
The sound of the gun cocking.
A sound I had heard a million times abroad.
And so, finally…
Here.
"Ii-chan!"
The sound of the door slamming open. Light pierced the room with such ferocity that my eyes stopped functioning for a moment. But there was no need for visual confirmation of who was pointing the gun on me. Even with my stunned eardrums, her voice had managed to reach me.
But I could barely believe it.
Kunagisa Tomo was standing there alone.
Ridiculous. That wasn't possible. I had left her on the first floor so that she couldn't do this. I had left her on the first floor because she was unable to climb stairs alone. She wasn't supposed to be able to come here alone.
But she was indeed alone. With tears in her eyes. She wore a terribly exhausted expression. She was panting. Clutching her chest. She looked as if she were ready to collapse at any moment, but she forced herself to remain standing.
And she was alone.
"This is…"
Wait a minute here. This can't be. Someone must be with her. If no one was with her, it would have been impossible for her to climb that spiral staircase. Maybe one or two steps, but not this.
It was impossible.
Had she really come all the way up here alone, despite her affliction?
All this way?
To be sure, it wasn't physically impossible. But obsessive-compulsive disorders aren't something to be taken lightly. They aren't so minor that you can just conquer them with willpower. I know for a fact that defying one's own subconscious is no walk in the park.
However… However, Kunagisa had heard the gunshot.
And despite it being deathly agonizing, despite it being so painful that in a worst-case scenario she really might have died, she had forced herself up the stairs. Forgetting to even bring someone along. Suppressing the urge to vomit. Clutching her own heart. Forcing those reluctant legs to keep moving. Lashing at her own fear-ridden soul. With that heart much too fragile for living. Enduring the anguish of the depths of Hell. All just to reach me. Casting all things aside. Kunagisa. For me.
"Why?"
The pressure. It was heartbreaking to the point of brutality. I really was a clown… Feeling like this.
This pathetic feeling — what was the name for this?
"Why are you…"
Why are you always, always… Shaking me up?
You.
Really. Since the ancient past.
Nothing's changed.
Fwip.
The woman removed me from her sights and retrained them on Kunagisa.
"Hey!"
What are you doing? You were going to shoot me. Why do you have to aim that gun over there? No such necessity exists, dammit. Or are such things meaningless to you? Are things like necessity and reality nonexistent in that skewed world in which you live?
The light.
Gradually my eyes were adjusting. Hers was probably doing the same. Kunagisa, however, who unlike us was adapting to the dark, not the light, couldn't yet make out my attacker's features. Dark adaptation takes longer than light adaptation. Consequently, if she were to shoot now, there was no way Kunagisa could dodge it.
I jumped up.
But by the time I was on my feet, it was too late. There was no point. There was no way I could make it to Kunagisa in time. I couldn't outrun a bullet. Even if I could, there would be no point. I couldn't just die in front of Kunagisa. I was too late. I was too late, just as I was years ago. Just like all the time.
In which case…
There was nothing I could d—
"Oh."
It seemed Kunagisa was able to spot me. Without even casting a glance at the handgun, without letting my attacker even enter her field of vision, she stuck a finger out at me and grinned.
"Ah, thank God. You're okay, right Ii-chan?"
With that smile. With that selfless smile. With that ragged, worn-out smile. With Kunagisa Tomo, who was completely oblivious to the circumstances.
I was…
Truly…
"I'm in love with her," I said to myself.
Yup. It was something I had always known. It was so obvious to me there was never a need to put it into words. There was no need for words between us.
Of course, it was a completely self-aware matter. From the instant I had met her, I had chosen Kunagisa Tomo. To the point that I didn't care about anything else. I didn't need to be loved or even chosen.
"Please stop," I begged my attacker.
She remained motionless for a while, but then, "Hehe. Hehehe…" She spun the gun around and pointed it at the ground. She continued laughing for a while.
"Hehehehehehe… haaaahahahaha…"
Like she was truly having a ball. Laughter like singing.
Dragging my feet, I made my way over to Kunagisa and grabbed her by the shoulders. Her body had become thoroughly hot. That was enough to discern just how much she had struggled to make it here. I held Kunagisa to cover her and trained my eyes back on my attacker.
She was looking back at us. Looking at us holding on to each other.
"Well, I've still got some complaints, but"— she opened her mouth —"eh, from a guy like you, just hearing something that honest is good enough for now, I guess," she said. "That's what I was waiting to hear last night, after all," Sonoyama Akane said cynically and tossed the handgun aside.