25th May, 2025
Saturday, 9:23 AM
Why is Jinny so late? we usually meet here at the back of the school in the morning before going to class. It was suggested a year ago by Jinny and what's the reason for it? If I remember correctly it's because this is somewhat of a desolate area in the school. Then why did she chose a desolate area? I didn't ask her.
Now it has become a sort of morning ritual to meet here, even during weekends. I should really ask her why she chose this place for meetings but I guess I never had any interest in the reason. I just went along with it without questioning anything and without thinking about anything.
I guess this just shows how much I trust her.
But is it good? depending on someone, having full faith in someone. If one day they leave then it will not bring forth any good. Even though I know this, I'm still trusting her blindly.
Why am I doing this? I know that I shouldn't depend on someone so much but I'm still doing it. I don't get it.
Anyway, she's 10 minutes late now. Did she ditch me? ...No, I shouldn't be thinking that. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts
*Chirp* *Chirp*
hmm? that's a bird's noise. It sounds somewhat painful, where is it
ah! there it is. Hmm, a baby sparrow, looks like it fell from the tree. Was it trying to learn how to fly? he or maybe she shouldn't have tried this on its own. It should have waited for his or her mother who's probably gathering food for this thing right now.
Its legs are bleeding. You are lucky you didn't hit your head while falling down, you would have died you know, then your mom would become sad.
me?
oh don't worry about me, she wouldn't feel anything. Instead, she would be happy that the burden of her life has vanished, though the same goes for me.
Should I treat your leg? but I don't know, how? Wait a minute, let me search it online.
huh?
what are you trying to do? you don't need my help? why are you trying to stand on your own? It hurts, right? then just lay down and wait for my help. It's so simple so why are you trying to move? Even if you moved you wouldn't be able to climb the tree and get back to your nest.
Stop
Why aren't you hesitating? Why do you not want to depend on someone? did you try to fly alone because you didn't want to depend on her or did you want to make her feel proud of you?
I see you are ignoring me. You don't listen to me, you are just so helplessly trying to walk with that injured leg.
See, you stumbled and fell again. Now just lay down.
!!
why? why are you getting up again? are you trying to say that you are stronger than me? I can crush your tiny body with just a punch you know. How can you mock me?
are you mocking me for depending on someone? are you mocking me for not doing anything on my own? are you insulting me for dragging Jinny along with my 'make my reputation worse' plan?
I didn't force her, she agreed herself.
hey, stop ignoring me. Just fall down, just stumble, you need to depend on me, you can't do this on your own. You are clearly having a bad time so stop doing everything by yourself
Stop, stop, stop
"Hey, Silica? whom are you pointing that stone at?"
"Hmm? Jinny, you are late" I'm pointing a stone? at whom? this baby bird? but when did I grab the stone?
"Sorry, sorry, got stuck in some urgent work"
It's rare for her to have some important work, is it related to her future fiance?
"hmm? a sparrow? what were you trying to—"
she sees the baby bird now, "No, was just removing this stone from its path" I lied, why did I lie? I lied to Jinny for the first time, why do I have to lie to her? I should just tell her the truth. Stupid bird, messing with my mind
"Sorry, that was a lie. I wanted to see what would happen if I hit it with this rock" there's no need to lie to her
"The fuck!?! o-ok? I g-guess. It would die..."
Yes, it would die. That's just how easy it is for its life to be taken away, how easy it is for someone to control its life. This just shows how much inferior it is to me, and how easy it is to crush someone for eternity.
life is really easy to be taken, someone could also easily crush me, not someone...it's those two. Those two can easily crush me, so I have to destroy them first.
...
....
..
10:34 AM
This pasta tastes good, Jinny also seems to be enjoying it so this should be the best time to ask
"Ne, Jinny, what was the urgent work this morning?"
"Mother wanted me to meet him.."
him, the fiance huh. Her parents seem to be rushing it, "Why so suddenly?"
"His parents wanted to move things forward a bit"
ah, I was wrong. The fiance parents are rushing it, then it makes sense, "They are now clearly coming for your heritage"
"Yeah, Father also sees it but he can't deny them"
because they have proof of corruption and multiple transactions of black money inside her father's company. How they got it? it's still a mystery.
Jinny's father controls multiple brick production factories by the name of 'Jinn's Factories'. On the other hand, the fiance's father oversees construction works. There is clear benefit if they have control over a major brick factory. Jinny sees it, her parents also see it but if they deny the proposal then the corruption will be leaked and they will come to the streets.
Jinny's parents have already given up. But not me and Jinny, we are still trying to find ways to get the proof destroyed. But it's also a fact that our struggle may not bear any fruit, that's why before being tied down by marriage, Jinny is trying to do everything she wants to do.
Seeing her struggle against the odds like this also motivates me a little bit. It also motivates me to face Siberite and to confront those two.
But one day, if Jinny herself loses it...then how will I handle it? Will I be able to confront her as she confronts me? Or will I also lose myself? I don't want to think about difficult stuff like this, that's why I don't want to completely depend on someone.
But before I knew it, I have become dependent on Jinny.
Is it a good thing? probably
Is it a bad thing? probably
I guess I will find out in the future—
"Silica, what are you thinking?"
"huh?"
"I have known you for two years, and I know you tend to overthink all the fucking times"
overthinking? is that what I'm doing? am I overthinking things?
am I overthinking even now? How do I know that I'm overthinking?
"How can you tell?"
"It's pretty simple. You start shaking your legs when you are lost in your own world"
huh?
*tuc**tuc*tuc**tuc*
she's right. ah, I was overthinking then.
"I see"
then I probably shouldn't overthink stuff. I should probably do what I want like Jinny. But what if Jinny or Siberite get hurt because of me?
Siberite will get mad if I do something to those two
but she will be hurt if I don't do something to those two
What am I saying? if she's mad then that means she's also hurt
hurt and mad are two different things
they are linked
shut up. Let me do what I want
I'm becoming unreasonable and hypocritical
...
"Silica, you are overthinking something again"
huh? ah, my legs are shaking again.
shit, shit, shit, stop overthinking. I can't solve it by myself, I need the other party's help
I can't be that sparrow, I don't know how to be that sparrow. I can only depend on Siberite and Jinny for everything.
If I just speak to Siberite about these feelings, she would understand, right?