The Ultimate Rip-off

Im ryusei an ultimate lazy bum who is already 18 and still doesnt have work. and until one day i got unlucky and have been brought by an immortal and became an servant. i served them for 3 months til i found an opportunity to escape. then after that i wander around and met beautiful girl i quickly hook with her then we married but happiness is very short lived. it was the night before my wife is about to give birth so i called an midwife to help her but along the way i met an injured old man so i helped him go home. after arriving at his place i proceeded at the midwife but it was already dark so the midwife said we will go there at morning. at morning we rushed at my house and saw my wife with my baby got killed by a demon i screamed all day long until i can no longer have a voice i held her for 3 whole day and night until an swordsman with an mark in his forehead arrived and taught me how to use breathing. thats when i started killing demons 5 years after i met the progenitor of all demons he is called muzan thats when i realized " i was brought to this world to kill this motherfucker" we fought for several hours til he has no strength left when i was about to cut his head the sky suddenly lighted with a green ray and all of humanity turned into stone until 3700 years have passed i stopped aging while in my petrified form and after counting all those years i hatched on that petrification i performed research on this sudden phenomenon and discovered the cure for all after that day i stopped aging while wondering alone i found a baby boy on the forest though he is a little strange cause he has a little tail and he look like a monkey i called him son goku he is a bit weird since after screaming like loud as fuck he became overpowered and his hair will turn color yellow after defeating that motherfucking lizard he became the humanities hero then i continued my journey around the world and found a place where being a pirate is a trend so i look for my own nakamas to set a sail on the vast my first nakama is an swordsman who likes putting sword on his mouth like what the fuck and the other one is a sexy burglar to become my navigator and an womanizer as a chef and after 999 years i became the pirate king though im alone through out the years since all of them died out after that time i dont know what to do so i wander once again and ended up in hidden leaf village the it was a complete utter chaos that time because of the tailed beast thats why i absorbed the tailed beast inside me and the peace came once again and i became the 63rd hokage that time (naruto died waiting for luffy to become the pirate king) and after being the hokage i once again set off but before i step outside the village i got summoned to another world just because i opened an fucking book and whats more annoying is i cant wield a sword and can only use an shield i. and no one wants to join my party cause they hear an baseless rumor that i was the weakest one but the red hair bitch princess sticked to me after that we hunt and slept in a hotel but that bitch told the guards that i raped her ugly face asshole so i left the palace and got an cute racoon and bird lolis after that we defeated the other worlds hero and finally i returned to the hidden leaf village i once again wander around and ended at a place where gate spawns its a dungeon like gate where u can enter. after entering an e rank dungeon an unexpected event occured there was those overpowered statue that can 1 hit you but i killed those goddamn statue and got the secret skill courage of the weak