After making sure that the poison flow is stopped and lock that Deathstalker me into a dungeon that somehow appeared on the deep corner of my brain, I jump out of my mind to regain my consciousness.
The moment my eyes are opened, I jolt up from my sleep. Master Long is no longer behind me. I still can see how few people leave the room while lifting a body. Han !
I immediately follow the crowd that bring the lifted body to a room. Unfortunately, once the body is in, they lock the door, leave me and some monks outside the room.
Don't know what to do, I just stand right in front of the door. Some monks stare at me with complex expression. I really don't know what they think of me. Maybe they wonder who am I since ones who know me are only Master Long and Han. Maybe they wonder what is the black liquid that drenches over my left side of face and body. Maybe they know that I am the one who causes Han in this state, and they blame me. I honestly don't know what they think of me. To be honest, right now, I don't care.
All I care right now is Han's condition. Although it seemed like years I travelled back into my previous life, but in real life, it seems only like minutes between I and Han went back to our own bodies. I hope.. I really hope he can be saved.
I lost time for how long I've been standing in front of it, when finally the door is opened. Master Long comes out of it, a little surprised to see me right in front of him.
"How is Han, Master ?" I ask him while other monks also come closer to us.
Master Long stares at me, then to the other monks who I believe also anxious to wait for his answer. He slowly shakes his head. That simple movement is able to weaken my limp. I fall down on the floor. Fortunately, Master Long grabs my shoulder to catch me before I hit my knee on the hard floor.
"No.. That can't be.. No.." I whisper in disbelief.
Master Long pulls me to stand and hugs me. And just like that, my tears are falling hard uncontrollably. I even can't hold back my sob.
"I'm sorry.. I'm so.. so.. sorry," I whisper to him in between my sob.
"It's not your fault," Master Long says to comfort me.
"It is! It is my fault !! Han wouldn't die if he's not trying to help me against my self !! And he died fighting the evil me!! It is ME !! I MURDER him !!" I scream like loosing my mind before continue crying.
"It is just his way," Master Long says. He leads me to outside and makes me sit on a stone. He pets my back as I cry like a child. "He decided to help you, Mr. Bennet."
"He shouldn't.." I cut him. "I'm not worthy of his life."
"You think so, but Han thought differently. Once he helped you with meditate for the first time, he reported to me. Said that you had terrible job, you killed people, didn't you ?"
I nod while wiping my tears.
"Yes. But, he said, you have a good soul. I remember he said, It's weird. How could person that have evil job had good soul. That's why I decided to show up when you came that night. And he was right. You do have a good soul, Mr. Bennet. Then few weeks later you came back to Han. You told him that your body betrayed you because you decide to stop killing people."
"I shouldn't come to him."
"It's just how the nature works, Mr. Bennet. You think it is you that decided things, but actually, everything is done according to God's plan. Han saw you wanted to change. Thus he wanted to help you. that is the plan of God."
"So God wanted Han to die as my sacrifice ? Why ? why not just kill me and let Han lives ?" I ask.
"I don't know, Mr. Bennet. I'm not God. I could ask the same question. Why Han ? He was barely 25 years old. Why not me who has lived more than 100 years ? God has his weird way to plan what's goin on in this world. The only answer I use to convince my self is.. that God still wants me to do something in this world. Maybe, Han's purpose of life is to help you, Mr. Bennet."
I am stunned to hear Master Long's explanation. I barely know God. Barely care either. So, Master Long's explanation about God's plan just.. weird to me.
"So, you think I haven't fulfilled my purpose in this life ?"
"What do you think ?"
"I don't know what my purpose is.."
"Lot of people don't know," Master Long says as patting my shoulder. "why do you want to quit killing people ?"
"Hmm.. Because I want to be with my child and his mother," I answer.
"Let's just start from there, then. Do whatever you can to protect your wife and daughter," Master Long says.
I turn my head to see that man before nodding. "I will. I definitely will," I say to him.
"Good," Master Long says with a smile. "Now you should go back to them, Mr. Bennet. I believe your wife is very worry about you now."
----------
Still engross in my remorse and regret, I don't remember how I end up in a taxi toward home. Al though Master Long kept repeating his words for me not to blame my self, my heart just refused them.
I find this feeling is weird my self. It is not like this is the first time I take someone else's life. There are more than a dozen people I purposely ended their lived in this past five years only. Sum them up with ones I took as Deathstalker, I don't know how many lives ended by my own hands. And I felt nothing toward them. Not a single regret nor remorse.
But why, this different ? Al though the scorpion was inside me, it was not like I killed Han with my own hand. Or maybe, because you didn't want to kill Han ? My brain tried to come up with a theory. Maybe, I murmured inwardly. But I took someones' lives unintendedly before. Like that bodyguards that tried to protect my victims. Still, I didn't feel a thing back then.
"We have arrived, Sir," the taxi driver informs me. I just slightly nod and give him some money. Without waiting for the change, I come out of the car and walk heavily toward the apartment building. Ignoring greetings from Mike, the receptionist, I go to the elevator with full mind and heavy heart.
In front of the door, I just stand there for few minutes. I press my lips then make a long and heavy exhale to suppress my emotion. I don't want Jennifer to notice how chaotic my emotion is. I actually didn't want to see her right now. But, that would only make her even more worry as she is already now as I was missing from the hospital.
I finally put my face in front of the iris scanner for the door security systems. After a while, the door is opened. I push the door to open wider.
"Hi," I say to Jennifer who is still sitting on the couch but sees me with her round beautiful eyes.
"God, Scott !! Thank God you're alright !" She says after one whole second being stupefied. Jennifer immediately stands and approaches me. With teary eyes she hugs me and cries on my shoulder. "I thought.. I would lose you," she hisses in between her cry.
Jennifer's emotional reaction is cracking the shield I built to hide my emotion. Instead of calming her down like I use to do when she gets emotional, I hug her even tighter and sobs.
Apparently my reaction shocks Jennifer even more. She stops crying and asks me in worry, "Baby, what's wrong ? Why are you crying ?"
I can't answer her at this time since I still busy letting my emotion out. But this worries her more. "Baby.. please tell me.. What's wrong ? Please.. you freak me out.."
I gulp down my sob so I can just answer her, "Han... Han is dead." I sob a couple more before manage to continue, "I.. I killed.. I killed him."
"What are you saying ?" Jennifer asks in confusion as she still embraces me.
I release my self from her embrace and keep my self an arm away from her. "I killed him, Jen.. He tried to save me.. and.. and.. I.. I killed ..." I can not finish my words. Another wave of sadness rolling itself to push out as a loud cry.
Jennifer brings my head back onto her shoulder and hugs me, telling me to just cry it out. She then guides me to the couch. She sits on the couch and helps me lies down on it with my heads on her lap.
While rubbing my hair so gentle to calm me down, she says with her soft low voice, "Tell me what happened, Love.. I'm here for you.."
At first I don't utter a word. But as her soothing rubs and affirming words continue to ease my emotion, I start to open up my voice, "After you left me in the hospital, I got worse. Then Han called me, said Master Long had arrived and wanted me to see him immediately. So I sneaked out from hospital to the temple. On the way there, I vomited black. Turned out it was venom of scorpion. I.. I poisoned my self.."
Along with those sentences, I tell Jennifer everything. About how Han and I went to my brain. How we fought the giant scorpion. How the scorpion stung Han to die. About the fact that scorpion was my self. I also told her about my past that had been showed by the scorpion. About Chien Dai, Quint Rauss, and Death Stalker. I also tell her about all my victims within this five years. How I got the orders, and how I finished the orders.
When I finish my confession, the sky is already red. I remember I came back home merely after midnight. So I spent hours talking non stop to her about my secrets. In all of that time, her gentle rub didn't stop on my hair al though she didn't utter a single word. My tears are long gone. Even her short that was wet in my tears is now dry.
Slowly, I raise my head from her lap and sit next to her. she smiles ever so gently to me. "Feel better, Baby ?" she asks.
I nod vaguely while staring deep in her eyes. When I opened up to her back then, I didn't bother how she would feel toward me. I just felt the urge to release all my burden to someone. However, now after I regain my sense back.
"You... you think I'm crazy, right ?" I ask her.
Jennifer smiles at me and shakes her head, "No," she says. "I believe you. No matter how illogical it is, I believe it really happened."
Another wave of realization hits me. I notice how scary my secret was. How.. disgusting my past was. And this beautiful creature in front of me ...
A tear drops from both corner of my eyes. Those tears change her expression into worry again. "Baby.. why are you crying again ?" Jennifer asks, wiping my tears.
I catch her soft finger that had rubbed my hair all night. "You.. you were right, Jen," I whisper to her with hoarse voice as it is full with emotion. "I don't deserve you." My other hand rubs her ever slight bumpy belly. Another tear drops from my eye. "Both of you."
I wipe my tears, and try to put a wide smile on my face. "You know all my dark and disgusting past now. I am that disgusting, not to mention.. dangerous. I will only be trouble in your lives.. I.. "
I halt my words as Jennifer suddenly stands and walks out from the living room. I nod in understanding. She must need time to calm her self. But I am surprised to see her back in less than a minute and brings a can of beer on her hand.
"As I were saying.." I continues my words while watching her movement. "I'm going to.." Jennifer opens the beer can. "pack all my belonging.." she then puts the can on the table. "And leave your live.." Jennifer take the can ring. "for good"
In slightly troubled, Jennifer bends her knees on the floor beside me and raises the can ring, "Marry me."
@@@@@ Author's Note @@@@@
I thought this would be a short chapter.. Boy, I was wrong LOL
And.. this is the 100th chapter!! Yeey!! I know it is an easy thing to do for other authors to write 1000+ chapters, but for me 100 chapters are already an accomplishment. However, this story is still loooong way to go. I have designed the next 100 chapters in my head already. Just wish me have more time to write.