"Would you mind talk a little faster ?" I interrupt Thief's explanation about which course I should enroll to learn computer programming.
"What ? What Are you talking about ? I'm talking with my normal speed which you used to ask me to slow down," Thief says in protest.
"I know.. I'm sorry.." I sigh. "Maybe because I haven't slept for nearly 72 hours."
"WHAAAT ?!?!" This time Thief definitely responds fast enough. "Why don't you..."
"I can't sleep," I say to defense my self.
"Why ? Something's wrong ?"
"Nothing.."
"Are you fighting again with that missy ?" she asks.
I sigh. "She doesn't live here anymore."
"That's why..."
"Hey... I told you it would be ended after I got the mastermind, didn't I ? I kept my promise."
"Score.."
"Don't pity me! It's for the best, you said it your self"
"I did. And I really think so. But give your self a time to mourn."
"What do you think I did for the past 72 hours ?" I chuckle to my own question.
To be honest I don't know whether things I did were act of mourning or not. I didn't shed a tear. I just have felt hollow ever since I left her slept soundly on her bed, the morning after.
I had an urge of calling her the next day, but I deleted her number and all her contact records when I was in my car. I wanted to go to her office, but I halted my self. I have kept telling my self that it is for our best.
But the truth is, I doubt that thought. I kept asking my self if I did the right thing by putting it in an end? What if, that will be my deepest regret ? One that will send me to hell ? But then I had a second thought, that being with her will literally put me to hell. I mean.. she won't accept me being who I am. That would be hell. But again, what I feel now is hell.
Well, those thoughts came like a never ending loop. What made it worse was that my brain couldn't stop running. It doesn't want to let me sleep. Even after five bottles of one and a half litters of pure vodka. I know my alcohol tolerance is always high.. but not that high.
Instead of being drunk and sleepy, my brain was like being charged by the boost. It has been running faster and faster. Like now.. it suddenly makes me think of what is my deepest regret. Is leaving Jennifer be it ?
I shake my head and shout, "No !!"
"What no ?"
I literally forgot that I am still talking with Thief on the phone. No. When I went to hell, in that torturing room, I was stung by scorpion again and again. Me deepest regret is to not kill the scorpion. That's it!! I have to kill the scorpion.
"Score ?" Thief calls me in worry.
"Thief.. will you put a scorpion as variable on my algorithm ?"
"Well, I already did."
"I know.. i mean a more specific kind of scorpion."
"What species ?"
"I... I still don't know.." I say in doubt. "You see.. ever since the helicopter accident, I've often had a dream being stung by a scorpion. Not just any scorpion. Its shape is unique.. smaller and more slender than ordinary scorpions, with yellow semi transparant skin."
"I can search it on the internet to find its species," Thief says to me.
"You would ? Oh, thank you, Girl.."
"But you need to rest. You have to force yourself to," Thief says with a thick concern in her voice. "Did you know that a person can die if he had not sleep at all for less than a month ?" she rebukes me.
"Alright. I will try to sleep, Mom," I say to her unchantantly.
"I'm serious! Take some sleeping pills or something," Thief is increasing her pitch.
"Okay.. okay.. I will." I finally set back to tease her. After listening some more slow rebuking words from Thief and me saying my promise to sleep for couple of times, we finally end our call.
A thought has been formed in my brain before I can initiate to sleep. I should search for the scorpion my self. I mean.. I'm the one who really knows how it looks like, right ? And like Thief, said, all I have to do is searching it on the internet. How could I don't think about it in the first place ? Such a useless running brain, I scold my self.
I turn on my laptop and directly open a web browser and type 'scorpion'. I click the Image tab to only have images result. It gives me thousands of result. To my surprised, lots of them are yellow, but not like one in my dream. I scroll all the way down to end of the page and still don't find the scorpion. I try to change the key words into 'type of scorpion' and get another thousands of similar but different of result. Still, I found nothing that look like one in my dream.
I sigh. I doubt Thief will find it also. But, she is the genius Thief. She doesn't just do what she is told to do. She finds ways to achieve what is being asked. That's why I love working with her so much.
Thinking of Thief reminds me of her rebuke. She is right. I should force my self to sleep. I go to my bathroom to take a strip of sleeping pills. I dim my living room light before sit on the couch. I decide to sleep on it instead of my bed. My bed seems so cold and empty without her on my side.
I exhales heavily to get rid of Jennifer out of my mind. I take a pill and decide to drink it with vodka that is already on the table, then lay on the couch.
Thirty minutes after, my eyes are still wide open. I take another pill then lay again on my couch. I try to take a deep breath and exhale it slowly. Still, sleepiness is not approaching me. But I know the sleeping pills are working. The ticking of the clock on my wall are getting faster, means my brain is getting slower.
I get up to take another pill. This time i decide to take two at once. I gulp it with vodka again. I turn my TV and choose a music site instead. I search for a sleeping music. Soon after a soft soothing humming sound is resonating around my room.
Once again, I lay on my couch, closing my eyes. I try to enjoy the sound and not to think of anything. Soon, I feel relax and drowsy. I don't know how long after. I finally fall to sleep.