"11:39 PM already", I read aloud as my phone screen burned my tired eyes. I locked my phone and slid it into my pocket. Another rainy, overcast, bitter cold day and I wasted it away stuck inside. All I wanted was to be at home, in bed, watching a movie and eventually drift off to sleep just to have that same nightmare again. I quickened my pace and pulled my jacket tighter around my neck in a weak attempt to keep the rain out. The rain had been relentless for over a week and I was growing sick and tired of the lack of mercy from mother nature. I couldn't bare another walk home from my second job without proper rain boots or an umbrella. I had no choice in the matter though. No matter how many hours I worked my money always seemed to slip away to bills, food, rent; other, more important things.
"12:04, a new day", my mind wandered as I slid my screen brightness down through a squint in my eyes. I was absolutely dismayed at my snail-slow pace. Cars whipped past me, covering my legs and shoes in muck and water. The cold wind stung my nose and forehead to a bright pink.
"At least it'll be over soon, I only have one week left at my part time job", I thought to myself. It was one of the few things I could find comfort in at the moment. I turned the corner and pushed the button for the walk signal. I stared at my ratty, hole-filled sneakers. The wind ripped my hood off my head and I was too tired to put it back up. I lifted my face to the sky and let the rain soak my face and hair. The traffic lights and sounds of car horns, the smells of late night market food, people talking all slowly faded away as the rain blurred my vision. I closed my eyes and let the rain melt me away. I wished it could literally wash me away.
"Ma'am? Are you alright?" the sound of a man's voice jolted me back to reality.
"Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been too long of a day", I said, meeting his eyes under the brim of his hat. A non-remarkable businessman in a suit, odd for this time of night. Maybe he was out for an after work drink. But it was none of my business. He gave me a nod and pointed to the light blue walk signal and we crossed the crosswalk together. After we finished crossing four lanes of traffic and being honked and yelled at, I waved goodbye as we went separate directions.
"At least I didn't miss the light", I mumbled to myself. I picked up my pace and soon found myself crossing the same old beaten down bridge I must have crossed thousands of times since I was a child. I still had an irrational fear of it crumbling under my feet one day as I crossed over it; it was so old and neglected. A left. Straight. Then a right. I reached my run down apartment building and slid my key into the outside door. I heard the outdated metal lock creak and click. I wondered to myself if a lock this old would honestly keep anyone out.
"Finally home, finally somewhere the rain is not". My thoughts became less and less loud as I ascended the stairs. The fifth floor seemed so close, but also so far away as my legs grew heavier with every step. I unlocked my door and slipped my backpack onto a towel I had left by the shoe rack, as the rain wasn't taking any hints to quit. I closed the door as quietly as possible; I felt horrible for my neighbors because of my work and sleep schedule contrasting theirs. I didn't want to wake anyone unnecessarily. I slipped my soaked shoes and jeans off and left those by the door too. I didn't have the energy to care. I was met with the all too familiar scent of my house plants, laundry detergent, and air freshener. The apartment was pitch black and I found something oddly comforting about it. The lights of the city bleeding in through my windows were enough for my eyes.
After checking the noticifactions on my phone and responding to a few messages, I eventually slipped into an old oversized shirt and slid the door to my balcony open. I pulled out a cigarette, my first in months after I swore to myself I'd quit. I felt like I had earned one today after 15 hours of work at two different jobs.
"12:48, and only 11% battery life left", I sighed and threw my phone on the charger I kept next to the couch, placing it on the side table. I stepped a cautious foot onto the wet wood of the balcony. My foot screamed at the cold and made no sign of acclimating any time soon. Maybe just a half of my cigarette then, I reasoned with myself, stepping all the way out on the balcony. I slid the door part way closed behind me. The tiny flame of my lighter illuminated not only my hands, but the plants too big for their pots that overran my balcony. My arms fell to my sides as I exhaled a cloud of smoke. It stung my eyes. I couldn't tell if I let tears flow because of the smoke, or because of my emotions. It honestly didn't matter. I went back for a second drag and the trickle of the runoff water spout was my only company up this high. I let my mind go blank once again as I took a deep drag.
I flicked my half finished cigarette off the railing of the balcony. The rain had put it out many seconds before it even touched the ground. I somehow felt like that cigarette butt was me, in a sense. Falling, my light glowing dimmer and dimmer as I descended to the earth. I chuckled at my sad comparison, and slid the door open and returned inside. I was too tired to eat anything, not that there was much more than instant noodles or scrambled eggs to choose from. I laid down on my couch, my face to the ceiling. I watched light neon lights, the headlights of cars, and the streaks of rain on the window dance on the ceiling. The slight dampness of my shirt from the misting rain left me cold with goosebumps. Alarms for tomorrow was my first priority before I was to let myself fall asleep. I reached over for my phone... except it wasn't on the side table anymore.
"What the hell, I set it right there, I know for a fact I did", I thought to myself. I sat up and looked on the floor; under the pillows of the couch. Everywhere it could and should have been. I finally mustered the strength to stand. I pulled apart the table drawer, even. Nowhere to be found. Stumped, I went to check my still wet backpack. Not here either, odd. I looked up, and my front door was open a crack, letting the hall light trickle in. I pulled it open and checked the hallway. No one in sight.
"Awesome, someone robbed me of literally only my phone", but that didn't make any sense. Why my old outdated phone? What about my jewelry? What about my box of cash in my bedroom? I closed the front door and double checked the locks, shaking my head all the while, dazed. I walked briskly into my bedroom. I pulled out the shoebox of money I was saving to move into a better apartment from under my bed. I removed the lid; it was all there. Even the encouraging note I had written to myself at a much younger age, when I first moved out. "It will all work out", the note said. The pencil was fading but I couldn't help holding it to my chest in times I needed the reassurance.
I kissed the note gently and returned it to the box and replaced the lid and sent it back into hiding. How had I not heard anyone? How had I not seen anyone? I stood myself up and turned to my bedroom door. My door beads were still swaying from me entering my room. I pushed them aside, placing them into their holding hook on the wall and walked back into my tiny living room. I rounded the corner to the hall.
The door was now wide open. I squeaked as I gasped. I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep quiet. Is the thief still out there? Is there even a thief? Am I just too tired? I had made sure that the deadbolt as well as the door handle were locked. How was this possible? I was about to close my door when a shadow crossed the hall and into my field of vision. I saw a pair of bare, dirty feet round the corner towards my door and I felt my mind growing cloudy by the second. I dropped to my knees, my arms at my sides. My eyes felt itchy and I could barely hold the weight of my head anymore. My eyes drooped until they closed and my breathing slowed but my heart hammered away in my chest as if it were trying to escape. I felt a hand gently slide through the hair at the base of my neck.
"Sleep..." was the last thing I head before my mind went as black as the night sky.