He held aside the balcony's sheer curtains for her. Inside the apartment, Kai had started a small fire in the hearth. She smiled at them, then left the room, closing the doors behind her. "Your servants are all three excellent people," the Guji said. "Discreet. Prudent. Closemouthed about what they see and hear. They will do whatever you ask of them." His mouth twisted and his gaze wandered to the flames in the hearth. "As long as what you ask doesn't conflict with my instructions to them, of course," he added. She could sense the layers of meaning underneath his words. She felt her stomach twist.
"Guji, what happened to me last night?"
His gaze returned to her and he smiled again. He took a seat on one of the sofas and motioned to her to sit across from him. "What happened was what I expected to happen. You can't touch Inari that closely and not have consequences. You know that."
"I've felt weariness before; all of us did while Hu'Torii shu'Chang was teaching us the chants. But not like that. Never anything so... exhausting."
"You'd never gone that deep before," the Guji answered. " 'The greater the Gift, the greater the cost.' I've already said that once to you. It's an old cliché, but there is often truth buried in platitudes. The wartorii know that weariness; their spells have that same kind of power. You could easily be a war-torii, if that's what you wanted."
"My spell..." She bit her lip for a moment, wondering what to say. "My spell was wrong. It violated the Confession. I thwarted Inari's Will."
"Did you? Do you believe Inari is so weak that you could bend His will to your whim? Do you think He couldn't stop you if He wished? There's nothing wrong with what you did. You have a rare skill; it would be thwarting Inari's will for you not to use it."
Lishi's eyes widened: what the Guji said was heretical; it went against all the railing of the torii in their Liturgy. "Guji, the precepts of the Statements and the Confession teach us that the Gift is never to be used that way." It was what Hu'Torii shu'Chang had taught her, it was what she had always been told.
"Sometimes what the Faith teaches is wrong."
The statement snapped Lishi's mouth shut. The Guji smiled, as if the expression he saw on her face amused him. "Oh, I'd deny it if you ever said that I spoke those words, Lishi," he told her. "And I'd never say them in public. Not even the Guji can spout heresy without consequences; some of the an'torii are waiting for just that opportunity. An'Torii wan'Kang especially would love an excuse to wrest the title away from me. Nor can you perform such feats without consequences; that's why you must be very careful henceforth with what you do."
The smile vanished, and there was something in his face that made Lishi sit back hard against the seat of her chair. "After all," he continued, "if I told wan'Kang what you did last night, why, he'd have no choice but to send you to the Gaol. An acolyte made an ei'torii by the Guji... why, they'd wonder if you hadn't used your skills to place a charm on me, and if you hadn't arranged the attempted assassination for your own purposes. And believe me, in the Gaol you would tell them whatever they wanted to hear." The smile returned then, but utterly failed to comfort her. "You see, Ei'Tori Ana, we must trust each other not to reveal the secrets we know."
The Guij pushed himself forward on the sofa, then let his short legs slip to the ground and stood. He walked over to Lishi and put his hand on her knee as she sat, stunned. She could feel the heat of his skin through the cloth of her robe.
It felt the way her papaqin's hand felt. She shuddered. She clasped her legs tightly together under her robes.
"We are coming on dangerous times," he said. "The general populace, they don't realize it yet. The people only see the prosperity and the celebrations for the Huangdi's fiftieth. They fail to notice the storm clouds gathering on the horizon or hear the grumbling underneath the cheers. Dangerous times. I didn't realize, until almost too late."
The Guji's hand lifted from her knee. She pulled back quickly; she saw the Guji's lips tighten as his hand dropped back to his side. His ancient lips parted softly and he sighed.
"Ah. So that's the way it was. I wondered, when I saw how your papaqin was with you. I'm sorry."
Lishi felt the heat of embarrassment on her face. "Guji..."
He shook his head. "No. Say nothing. We all have demons in the night that we must struggle with. I have mine, too. I didn't intend to make you think that I..." His hand brushed hers, but he shook his head and brought his hand back. He took a breath and stepped away from her. "You'll have to trust me, Lishi, because in the days to come you'll have to choose sides," he said. His voice was carefully neutral. "In the trials that I suspect are on us, those with strength and influence must take their stand. I hope you can choose wisely." Then the smile came again, and all the reserve was gone from his voice. "As I chose you. Lishi, I have been asleep. Since... I don't know when, but for years now. While I've been sleeping, those who don't think of Inarian as I do have risen, slow step by slow step, until I find they are all around me. An'Torii wan'Kang, yes, but he has several allies among the an'torii. A few months ago, I think I awoke again..."
He took a breath. Lishi remained silent, sitting motionless, not knowing what to say or how to react. She felt lost, as if she'd wandered away from everything familiar to her in the world. The Guji went to the hearth and held his hands out, warming them. Without a word, Twang came in with an overcloak and helped the Guji put it on; Lishi realized she must have been watching and listening the whole time. Shrugging the cloak around his shoulders, the Guji turned and smiled back at Lishi. "You should rest and finish recovering, Ei'Torii," he said. "I'll send someone to fetch you just before Second Ring; you'll walk in the procession today with the rest of my staff. After the blessing at Old Shrine, you and I will go to see the Huangdi. She sent word that she would like to meet you. Twang, if you'll be so kind as to show me out..."
With that, he left. As the door closed behind him, Lishi touched the hand the Guji had touched. Her own fingers felt cold on her skin.