EMILY'S POV
I wake up having to use the bathroom, so after I get out of Zach's arms, off the couch, and apologize for waking him up, I head to the bathroom. Neither of us have used it so far tonight and I am barely in this room so I almost forgot where it was. I open the door and as soon as I open the door and one of my feet is inside, red and blue lights start flashing and a loud siren goes off. I immediately panic and start having flashbacks, I didn't even realize I was screaming until Zach grabbed my arm and kept asking me what was wrong over and over again.
I forgot where I was, all I could think about were my flashbacks. I ran out of his arms and started banging on the door, needing to get away from the lights and noise. Lizzie opened it up and I ran out off the room straight into Monica's arms. I wrapped my arms around her and started sobbing, Lizzie came and hugged me from the back. I didn't care what I looked like or what people thought of me, I had to calm myself down and make the flashbacks STOP.
I couldn't stop thinking of the accident though, the sound of the brakes screeching, the cars colliding, the glass breaking, the screams, everything going black, me waking up to red and blue lights, and loud sirens. Everything was coming back to me. What happened 7 years ago haunts me, a lot, but I don't think about it too much unless something happens. Something like what happened in the bathroom.
I continued to hug Monica and Lizzie for what seemed another hour, but was really about another 15 minutes. After I was able to calm myself down and stop crying. I listened to Lizzie who was stroking my hair and whispering soothing things to me. I listened to her telling me, "It's alright, It's over. You are safe here with us. It's all in the past you need to calm down. Think of us at the party, playing softball, your chorus solo, you hanging out with Zach. Remember our 13th birthday party when we played truth or dare in a hotel? We ran around acting like chickens on the main floor near the ice skating rink and the elevator, and we even made a dance with random girls in the elevator....."
She kept reminding me of my happy times and I released my death grip on Monica and wiped away my tears. I took a tissue that Ashley handed me and blew my nose with it. I continued to keep myself calm and looked around. I noticed that everyone was in the living room with me. Everyone had been giving me space, and as I looked at them they gave me little smiles.
Everyone but Zane and Zach knew what had happened and understood me. My gaze stopped at Zach's face. He was looking at me anxiously. He was very worried and confused but when he noticed me looking at him her tried to hide it and smiled at me. I tried to give a little smile back, but it was hard. I appreciated that he cared but the look he gave me was exactly what I didn't want. I looked up and Lizzie and hoarsely told her, "I'm going to go sit outside." She nodded at me and I walked out to the backyard.
I liked being alone at night. It was calming and peaceful. The starts didn't judge you or worry about you. The reasons I only tell my close friends and family about the accident are 1. It is hard for me to talk about it 2. I don't like having the looks of pity. I don't want to see worried looks and I want to be strong, I don't want people to think of me otherwise or worry about me and my messed up past. The way Zach looked at me with worry and anxiety was exactly what I don't want.
I had been outside for around twenty minutes or so alone thinking when the back sliding door was opened. I didn't look up. I had a feeling I knew who it was. The only people that know about the accident are my older sister, aunt, and close friends (all but one of them were at the sleepover). After a panic attack like I just had Lizzie, Mady, my sister, or my aunt would normally leave me alone for a while and then check on me, before my other friends and family would come be with me if they were around.
Zach and Zane were the only people at the sleepover that didn't know why I got scared like I did, and I had a feeling that Lizzie would either come be with me, or she'd send Zach. Normally I would be given a longer amount of time before someone came to check on me. So I think it might be Zach, he was probably impatient and Lizzie decided to let him out.
I heard a sigh, then whoever it was sat down next to me on the porch step. I realized it was Zach, and he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to his body. I leaned onto him and neither of us said anything for a while.
"Your going to catch a cold." He then took off his sweatshirt and pulled it over my head.
"Won't you get cold?" I asked.
"I have on a t-shirt, you only have on a tank top. I'll be fine, worry about yourself for once." Zach replied looking at me reassuringly.
I gave him a smile and then we sat in silence for another few minutes. I took a deep breath, I think it's time I should tell him about the accident. I want him to know.