There's a roar of the word bankai and I quickly raise my arms to block a massive blade which slams me into some buildings.
I push myself out of the rubble and look at my opponent.
"Captain komamura are you supposed to be outside without your leash you know we have a no pets allowed rule right?" I brush myself off and ask the giant dog captain.
"I figured it was you who was playing all those dog based pranks. Swapping my shampoo for flea bath and giving me dog biscuits disguised as cookies." roars the giant man.
"hey I was just looking out for your future. Those milkbones clean teeth and give you better smelling breath it's a win win." I say sidestepping the giant blade from his bankai.
"What's the excuse for the flea bath then brat." he says still swinging his blade.
"Well you had fleas." simple enough.
This apparently wasn't the answer he was hoping for as an angry bark was all I got in reply coulda been a shout I wouldn't know.
There was quite a bit of destruction caused by the dog faced captain I couldn't tell if he was trying to defeat me or just destroy stuff.
I swing my chrome sword and it turns into a giant bone snake. Clacking around with a roar.
"You've finally summoned me out?" The giant snake roars in my direction.
"Yeah you can go play with dog boy keep him occupied. try not to kill him though as the old man would be even more pissed than he is now." I say with a chuckle as I watch the giant bone snake face off against a huge samurai.
there's a sudden chill in the air.
"So you've finally shown your true colors." came toshiros voice.
I turn around and look at the boy.
"Yep." before jumping towards him at an extreme speed making his eyes widen.
He let's out a girlish scream as I punch him right in the face. *Thwack*
"Didn't I teach you to never talk bullshit to your enemies little brat?" he eats a few more face punches before being fully knocked out.
Suddenly there's a sound that makes me shiver. "Captain what do you think your doing?" comes a sweet voice from behind me.
"Ah momo you see I don't think he is thinking at this point maybe he needs a thumping to restart his brain." comes another female voice.
I turn around and see unohana and Hinamori looking at me with smiles that aren't smiles.
"Hello ladies don't you think it's a beautiful day to start a rebellion?" I say with a hopeful look.
"No." x2.
"Well that's a shame I'll be forced to use my ultimate move to defeat you two so prepare....Oh my god what's that!?!?" I scream and point into the distance. They whip around to look and there in the sky is absolutely fucking nothing.
By the time they turn back around I'm already gone. They both groan. "Did we really just fall for that?" unohana asks.
"Nope this whole thing never happened." said hinamori quickly walking away.
Soon however i run into yoruichi and soi fon. "What are you doing you idiot?" the chocolate goddess asks me with a sigh.
"Killing the soul king and causing chaos?" I reply.
"Why?"
"It's a Monday and I've got nothing going on." I tell her.
"You really are an idiot sometimes you know?" she sighs.
"Yeahhhh but don't worry I'll give you booty rubs if you don't interfere in my plots. I wouldn't want to have to use my secret move on you." I say in my serious tone.
"You think you can actually stop me with some secret move and promises of booty rubs?" her eyes narrow.
I slowly reach into my pocket. "Are you forcing my hand?" I narrow my eyes aswell.
"Yes I want to see your so called secret move." she folds her arms over her chest and glares at me.
"I'm so sorry I have to do this." I pull out a small item and point it towards her.
There's a small click and a little red light appears on the ground her pupils enlarge as she locks onto it. I swirl the laser pointer around then trail it off into the distance and watch her take off like a rocket.
Soi fon was easy as I just tossed some sexy pictures of yoruichi in the air and made my escape.
They agreed to never speak of this again.
I run past byakkuya and fire spells at him making him look like me and not be able to talk before hiding under my cloak. Sure enough kenpachi busts into the area and starts fighting the poor man.
"Close one." I mutter.
I think for a minute before coming up with a foolproof plan. I summon out about 100 clones and they all race in different directions to cause havoc.
I make my way to the center of soul society and look around however I'm not alone.
"Are you sure you want to go down this path boy?" comes an old powerful voice. Yamamoto is standing there staring at me.
"Well as far as I'm concerned this seems to be the optimal route. I mean I don't recall the soul king doing anything really noteworthy. isn't he supposed to control the circle of life and death or something? He's kinda doing a piss poor job if I do say so myself." I shrug.
Old yama thinks on it for a moment. "And what do you plan to change if you do become the soul king?"
"Implement an actual reincarnation system and probably fix the instability of the dimensions around here I mean most of them are busted and souls should automatically pass on even if they have a few regrets not have to wait for soul reapers to come help them ever 5 minutes." I tell him.
he just looks at me. "Are you really going to fight me old man?" I ask.
"It is the duty of the captain commander to protect soul society from threats both internal and external. He must see far and wide and make things better for the good of all even at the cost of a few. So I hereby retire and pass on the cloak of Captain Commander to you." He tosses his haiori over to me.
"Oooh another twist." I put it on before looking up at the sky.
There hidden in a complete separate dimension is a giant floating castle home of the soul king.
I use my divine sense and lock onto a strange floating mass in the dimension. as I stare at it it stares back.
My gate of babylon opens and out pops a sinister red spear. I grab it and with a mighty heave chuck it into the sky. One of the inevitable spears the Gae Bolg tears through the air cutting open the sealed dimension and still flying towards the black mass.
A spear that never misses that can reverse cause and effect. The best way to avoid this weapon is to never let your opponent use it to begin with.
The spear dodges the zero squads attempt to stop it zooming in random directions firing through walls and doors like a homing missle.
Finally it reaches the end of its majestic flight piercing into the glob of darkness. The whole world seems to shake as it dies away.
I pop up near the spear and pull it out of the darkness with a loud splurch and quickly absorb the spirit king. System noticifactions start to go off in my head as I'm granted authority over the worlds.
There a few different split dimensions and then the real world so what are we going to do.
"Steal everything boys." with a mighty mental heave I tear soul society right out of its dimension and put it in the kingdom. Hueco Mundo get. The abyss get. Proper reincarnation system for the normal world activated.
Why should I leave the good stuff in a random world when I can take it with me. I don't know what I'll do with soul society but I'll figure it out.