Sitting at a massive table in the chief commanders room most of the things I've told the old man are explained to the captains and vice captains.
"So your just going to let these people join us after demolishing half of soul society and injuring most of our people?" Asks a disgruntled hitsugaya he suffered the most since hiyori beat the shit out of him.
"Aizen did it." I defend myself.
"What? no he didn't we have video proof that you personally blew up almost all of squad 11s quarters." he counters.
"No you don't." I say using my Jedi mind tricks.
"Are you retarded?" he asks.
"Listen here you little shit do you want to end up like byakkuya?" I point at the bald byakkuya with a black eye and a busted lip.
There are some stifled chuckles.
"Then you better sit your little popsicle ass down and let the adults talk." I wag my finger at the shrimp.
"Youuuu!" he points at me.
"You want me to sick hiyori on you again? we got video proof that you got your ass handed to you by a girl with a flip flop." I pull out a phone that shows him just getting destroyed by said flip flop.
he goes silent after that.
"So we basically have to prepare for traitors to attack us with a hollow army and a thousand year old enemy with a quincy army?" mutters jushiro the captain of the 13th division.
"Wellllll. There's also some other small tad tiny things I may or may not have forgotten about. Like the fact Aizen has a godly wish granting object. Or that there are other nasty enemies coming as well just to shit all over your guys day. Like the bount vampires or the soul bring group plotting to overthrow you guys or some sealed people I can't quite remember." I mutter loudly.
"Your joking right?" Shinji muttered.
"Ah jushiro what happened to the previous temp shinigami?" I ask.
"ah well." he rubs his cheek.
"You guys are right fucked. honestly I could go home and have some tacos or something and just watch as you idiots kill each other off later on." I say happily.
"Then why are you here?" jushiro asks.
"I was bored and soul society owed me for a damaged wall." I shrug.
"So you invaded soul society out of boredom and because somehow we owed you a wall?" he says rubbing his forhead.
"I don't like when people break my stuff."
there's groans all around the room as they can still here explosions outside.
"So why haven't you stopped blowing things up yet?" toshiro demanded.
"It's not me I may or may not have given yachiru a bag filled with explosives and told her they were for an Easter egg hunt and she had to hide them well before pressing a button." I whistled ignoring the glares.
*Wabooooom*
An earth shaking explosion rocks the land and everyone looks at me in horror.
"Don't look at me like that you guys are just bad at finding easter eggs." I say.
"We didn't even know there were explosives hidden everywhere!!!" toshiro screamed.
Suddenly a banner unfolds in the middle of the room with some confetti it reads happy easter.
"it's march!"
well I suppose I might as well fix up some of the city.
"Fine man you guys are no fun." I get up and head out of the room followed by some of the others.
The whole city looks like what I imagine a war zone would. Rubble and craters everywhere part of the city is still on fire. smoke is billowing towards the sky. someone painted lewd drawings on the wall and signed it with my name.
"Aizen did it." I make sure they know this.
I quickly wave my hand and most of the buildings that are destroyed start to turn into spiritual energy and disintegrate being quickly absorbed.
I clear swathes of land with waves of my hands basically getting rid of everything busted and storing all the goods.
I start going through all sorts of hand signs and new wooden buildings starts springing up. my ninja body splits out and summons thousands of clones who get to work on building new roads and lighting and updating everything including pipes and electricity.
The city went from old old Japanese Era all to the new Era in a matter of hours with brand new items for everyone including clothes, laptops, new appliances. The captains and everyone else watched all this in shocked awe.
Shinji nudges me from the side. "Just how rich are you?"
"Well you heard of billionaires right? I'm a step ahead of that." I shrug.
once the clones are finished I clap my hands. "alright guys onto the next stage I want each of you to head out to the poor districts and any struggling people you see offer them food and housing then steal them off to our kingdom. I'm sure these guys don't care as if they did they would have done something long ago." I ignore the shocked gazes as thousands of clones speed off with monstrous speed they can barely follow.
"Kingdom?" unohana asks.
"Ah I forgot to mention that I'm the leader of an entire separate realm that's years above current time in just about every aspect from schooling to combat to medical to technology. There are actual gods who live happily in my realm. Ah I may as well mention I'm an actual god of chaos and thievery." I show my raiment and let my divine power wash over them.
"Why would you be here if your an actual god?" unohana asks.
"for fun. plus there are some pretty girls here." I check her out before sticking my tongue out.
"getting involved in wars seems like a pretty odd thing to do when your bored. Don't you have some kind of godly duties to do?"
"Well I do have to walk gir or else he starts to chew on the furniture sometimes. I also have to make sure to brush the hair of all the girls and make sure everyone is happy and that there are fresh snacks for Ophis."
"Gir? Ophis?" She asks.
I wave my hand and a little green dog appears.
"Hey I was playing Mario kart!" he says sadly.
"Did that dog just talk?" Shinji asks.
"Sorry gir how about I give you This." I pull out an extra large milkshake he quickly snatches.
Soon there's a little loli dragon also looking at me with her hands out.
"This would be Ophis The dragon god of infinity and one of the world's most powerful existences." I say patting her head and giving her a milkshake also.
"This little girl is one of the most powerful people in existence?" kenpachi doubtfully asks.
"Ah Ophis you see that man right there?" I ask.
I get a nod.
"He's a bully and needs some teaching would you be so kind?"
"Bullys are bad."
About 30 seconds later kenpachi was horribly destroyed not even being able to scratch the little girl.
"Yeah she could probably kill off the planet by herself if I told her too." I say to the shocked crowd.
"Then why can't you have her beat up these so called enemies we have to face?" Toshiro asks.
"Then you wouldn't learn anything and I wouldn't have any fun plus what kind of man would I be letting a little girl fight my battles for me." i say patting Ophis who closes her eyes happily.
"You know what." I say narrowing my eyes.
"Ophis this boy is bullying me!"
"Bullys must be punished." a cold voice makes toshiro shiver.
soon a beaten toshiro is laying next to a beaten kenpachi.
"Any other questions?" I ask.
There where none.