While hopping roof to roof I wasn't just blowing up everything I was also throwing stuff out of a little bag of goodies. What's in the bag you ask?
Weasley twin products. We have fireworks that will last for days. Person seeking dungbombs that multiply on explosion to seek out new targets up to 5 different targets get yours today. 5 for 2 gold. Wind up chomping teeth that bite people. For your hated foes we have a special product here today it's called ball'o'bees. it looks like a regular toy ball but give it a kick and you've got angry bees swarming the area now that's aren't just any bees! these bees do wonderful things when they sting people like make hair fall out or skin change color.
It was pandemonium there were building exploding, people changing colors, fireworks roaring into the sky, half the squads in the area were being pelted with things that made them smell like shit.
Was this all we had? of course not. we had feet seeking banana peels for easier get away. Puddles that if you stepped in them you'd either sink, slip, or get stuck, always a surprise! Decoy detonators that shouted 'over here!' or 'enemy sighted!' only to explode into black ink when people got near them.
The captains watching in the council room were gobsmacked they had never seen such things it was like a terrible comedy skit watching people slip on banana peels. They weren't prepared.
"Who can tell me who this person is?" asked the chief commander.
byakkuya quickly replied "This is the boy said to be yoruichis lover and also the apparent leader of this group." of course the old captains where recognized.
"Why aren't they killing anyone the death rate so far is zero?" one of the captains asked.
"I think they are trying to make a point and are mainly here for rukia. as I was told if we harmed her he would personally see to soul societies destruction. Also he mentioned traitors in the court guards and I haven't seen Mayuri at all." byakkuya says.
The captain commander just thought for a minute. "Apprehend but don't kill them unless they have killing intent. This will be a test of all squads preparedness." he tells the captains as the butterfly recording me gets destroyed by a firework dragon.
"As of now seretei is in a state of emergency all captains are allowed to seek out opponents." He says slamming his staff on the ground and they all disperse.
There's quite a few excited people and quite a few angry ones. Mostly kenpachi who is thrilled about strong opponents and soi fon who recognized her teacher who left her behind.
As for the rest a few thought about the paperwork such damage was going to cause. Some thought about plots and some even thought about fashion as rangiku recognized some of the brands the intruders where wearing.
Soon however I would be meeting with my first opponent. He was pissed he had been chasing me this entire time tripping over banana peels and slipping on puddles.
"Stop you shithead! I promise I won't beat you to death!" he lied.
This was of course the bald ikkaku 3rd seat of the eleventh division under kenpachi.
"Ah Saitama is that you? I'd recognize that bald dome anywhere." I say coming to a halt.
"I'm not bald, it's clearly shaven!" he roars in anger.
"Yeah your bald." quickly distracting him I reach into my pocket and pull out a secret item throwing it at him catching him off gaurd.
"Pocket sand go!" I shout throwing the pocket sand into his eyes perfectly.
"Gahhh my eyes!" he shouts furiously rubbing them.
By the time he gets his sight back I'm already gone. However I left him a gift. His bald head now had a glowing shine that would light up even without sunlight making his head look like a light bulb it also added the effect of glowing in the dark and having a mirror like finish. This does however draw a bit of attention to the dick I drew on the back of his head in permanent marker. Art.
I had escaped as it would be boring to fight him unless he used his bankai.
However it was like the whole squad eleven was roaches they just kept popping up everywhere trying to fight. They would all taste pocket sand and a shaved melon to match ikkaku with a shiny finish and a dick mark.
The chaos from everyone blinding everyone else with a shiny bald head was perfect. There was however one chasing me with an overwhelming amount of bloodlust. I believe his name was yumichika the stylish one of the 11th squad however he didn't look stylish at all. All his hair was gone, his skin was multiple colors that all looked like baby poop. A fact that he also smelled like poop just made the whole thing much worse. At this point he looked absolutely deranged.
he kept muttering 'my beautiful locks, my smooth lotioned skin, my expensive cologne!' I swear I almost saw tears of blood. Tragic.
he thought there was nothing else I could do to him. sadly he would be wrong. While he was shouting orders something flew into his mouth. This was a Weasley twins candy. It would make the person look like a Mr.Universe body builder and give them a deep booming voice. It had a compulsion on it to wear only thongs and flex in front of people.
he grew about a foot and bulked up to gross proportions with veins and muscles everywhere and started stripping and flexing.
"I don't care who finds him just kill him!" He roared in a booming voice popping a blood vessel in one of his eyes from sheer rage.
Terrifying. The whole district was lit up like Christmas with bald different colored heads shooting off rays of light making it look fantastical casting dick shaped shadows behind them as they ran.