I had decided to knock out a few problem children who were thwartin my plans and stealing bounties from me.
These problem children happened to be kakuzu and hidan the immortal duo of akatsuki. They were running around stealing higher bounties cause akatsuki needed money. I simple can't allow this as I also need money. Bacon sandwiches aren't cheap.
I kept lookouts over the bounty turn in stations that way I could kill two birds with one stone. I could kill and rob them.
It took a while but they finally showed up. Let me tell you a little about these two. hidan is a follower of some weird religion that worships a god called jashin. doing so allows him to sacrifice and kill people for his lord granting him immortality. he also has the ability of ingesting his enemies blood and doing a ritual that allows him to share damage with them. since he is basically immortal he can just run a spike through his heart and be done with it. Sadly he's what we call a loud mouthed dumbass. his only good skill is pissing people off. He has basically let his skills devolve into crap becoming over reliant on his immortality.
Next is kakuzu the basic treasurer of akatsuki. his only goal is to make money however he isn't as much an idiot as hidan. he has a wide variety of skills from excellent taijutsu to super strong elemental moves of the 5 basic elements. His immortality is based on the 5 hearts he has in his body each representing a different element. other then this his body has a type of steel thread which is used to pierce into people's bodies and steal organs. he also has the ability to harden his body like using haki anytime he wants.
Now what happens is that hidan and kakuzu split up with hidan waiting outside as he doesn't like being around dead bodies and such in the bounty exchange and kakuzu entering to sell off their bounty.
Hidan doesn't even have his guard up. One quick rush and I've got myself a limb less hidan. "WHAT THE FUUU.." before he can finish I've thrown him into kamui stolen his dropped scythe and limbs and put them in the inventory and continued my wait.
About 20 minutes later kakuzu comes outside with a nice briefcase full of cash. "Hidan it's time to...Who are you?" he asks me.
"I'm batma...no wait. it's not important what is important is you've been cutting into my profits." instantly he attacks me with his fire jutsu heart I just look at him with an apathetic face. The flame jutsu just sizzles out.
"Wow such a warm breeze thanks man I was getting chilly."
"What did you do?" he asks me startled.
"ah you see I've got this neat ability that let's me absorb Chakra so about 4 of your 5 hearts are useless. you might be able to throw some earth spikes at me or something."
His body blackens and he rushes at me figuring I must be weak at taijutsu then. sadly his dreams didn't come true as I also use haki and overpower him smashing him into the ground. "Tsk tsk. I forgot to mention I won my wife tsunade of the sannin through a contest of strength." I make some clones who continue to pummel him into the ground and go around soul sucking the hearts to see if it works. Sadly it doesn't and all I get is his soul. I grab his body and the briefcase he had full of money and walk inside to get paid for my nice S rank missing ninja.
back at the hokage office I was giving a nice report. "So what are you going to do with Hidan since you captured him alive." tsunade asked looking at gagged torso lying on the floor.
"I was thinking we could either use him for a practice dummy to motive my recruits to beat things harder or practice medical techniques since he is immortal. the only thing he's good at is making people want to punch him." Hidan looks horrified and tries to inch worm towards the door.
"That sounds like a perfect plan we can treat him as a mascot or something." it's official I corrupted tsunade.
Kicking hidan back into the room I finish up my report. before tsunade tells me there's been news of Sasuke at the village hidden in the clouds. Apparently he's already left orochimaru and joined akatsuki and kidnapped the fake eight tails. I expected myself to receive a nice visit from Nagato soon. Boy would he be in for a surprise. They all thought kisame and itachi were killed by jiraiya trying to capture me.
"Well just let the idiot do whatever it's not like he isn't classified as a missing ninja. If the cloud throws a fit we can simply rob them. anytime people ask them for help anyway they just blow it off but now that it's them in trouble expect them to come running for help." that's exactly what had happened too they called for a kage summit. With pretty much most of the other jinchuriki either gone or dead. All that was left was gaara, the eight tails, and me. The 4 and 5 tailed jinchuriki of the rock were dead. The others had all been captured since I freed them.