I nodded to Elijah and fought to tell them the entire truth, "Could you shut the door?" He nodded before getting up and doing so. Elijah came back and watched me intensely. "This HAS to stay between the three of us."
"You're worrying me."
I squeezed Hunter's hand as my eyes filled with tears. I wasn't sure how they were going to react to the full truth of how I was feeling. "Asher is causing my pheromones to increase, almost to the point it used to get to when I was in heat." They both stared at me in complete shock, not moving at all. I fought to not start crying as I was nervous and overwhelmed. "Alex thinks I could possibly remove my bond with Jayden by bonding with Asher."
Hunter's eyes became wet as he looked to me, "so this could all be over? You could finally be Asher's mate?"
My tears escaped, "I'm not sure. Its not 100% and if we tried...and it didn't work..." I choked up, "I couldn't handle that. It would kill him and me."
"But you want to bond with him, right?"
Elijah's words caused my breathing to become hard and my mind to race. "I can't make that big of a decision right now. There's too much going on and that is something that can wait."
"Wait?!" Hunter hissed, "How can this wait?! You might get bit by that psycho again! This is the last thing that can wait! Do you seriously want to get marked by that man you don't love?!"
I shot to sit up with fury and yanked away my hand, "who let you decide how I feel?!" I demanded, "I DO love him!"
"Don't lie, Will. No one can love someone after they nearly killed them."
I moved my glare to Elijah, "you don't get it and you never will! A destined bond is not a joke nor can be taken away or forgotten easily! I hate him and am scared to death of him, but I can't forget my love for him so quickly! The kids still love him too! I can't suddenly change their lives right now!" I cried and quickly wiped away my tears as I got up. I stumbled but moved away from Elijah as he tried to assist me. "I need to get back out to the kids."
I moved past both of them while continuing to wipe away my tears and trying to slow my fast breathing. I made my way outside and locked eyes with the twins. They rushed my way and tackled to hug me tightly while Shannon, Cam, Sean, and Asher watched with worry.
"Are you okay, Momma?" Ashley whispered and I smirked confidently.
"You know your Momma is strong! As if a little nausea would keep me down!"
After the kids went to bed, I sat out on the front porch to take in the fresh air. I looked up when Asher suddenly came out with 2 sodas in his hand. He smiled sweetly before sitting down in the wicker chair near mine and handed me one of the drinks.
"I'm guessing something happened by the way Hunter was staring at you all night."
I sighed and looked to my legs, "there's a lot going on in a very short amount of time."
"Elijah said you and I need to talk."
I glanced to him curiously, "he's very nosy."
When his eyes met mine, I felt electricity flow through my entire body. "Do you want to talk about whatever it is or not just yet?"
Should I tell him? How would he react? Can I really tell him, to his face, that I'm not sure yet?
I jumped slightly when my phone rang and rushed to get it out of my pocket. "Hello?"
"Will," Jayden said in a relieved and happy way, "I was worried you wouldn't answer." My breath stopped and my heart raced as I heard him. "How are you and the kids doing? Where are you staying?"
"We're fine, Jay," I replied quietly and wasn't surprised when Asher's hand squeezed his soda can tight enough to dent it. "We ended up staying with Hunter and everyone else."
"You sound tired. Are you doing okay?"
"I'm fine," I mumbled, "I'm trying to relax a little bit right now, so can we talk later?"
"I was thinking," he said as he completely ignored my statement. "You and the kids should stay over here." My jaw dropped in disbelief, "the kids would be more comfortable here, at home. They can finally sleep in their own beds rather than some random house. Then we can have time, as a family, and talk everything out."
I stood up and fought the urge to throw my phone in anger. "Jayden," I growled, "don't try to tell me what to do. There is not and will never be a family with us. You lost that right! You chose to lose it! Don't act like I took your chance away!" My legs were trembling so hard that I crouched on the porch, "I gave you every chance to have this family and YOU took it away from ALL of us!" I choked slightly before forcing in a deep breath and letting it out. "I'm calling the shots now, Jayden. I'll call you when it's time. Don't bother me again with your manipulative crap."
My knees gave out and I collapsed to a heap on the porch as the physical effects of just hearing him presented themselves. I shook with lust and also terror, felt my heart racing, my legs were useless, my mind was spinning, I was hot and clammy, and had to fight tears from falling.
When a broad, masculine hand lightly touched my shoulder, I couldn't stop a sensual moan from escaping my lips. I gasped and shifted away from Asher's grasp, "can you go inside?" I trembled more as my body yearned to allow my pheromones to explode out. I knew I didn't have any strength to contain myself if I looked at him or touched him. "I need to calm down and can't while I'm around an Alpha."