"Hello? Earth to Vera?" Isabella said impatiently, waving her hand in front of my face.
"Hmm? Sorry, what did you say?" I asked.
We were eating lunch on one of the many picnic tables stationed in the courtyard of our school.
Isabella waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Forget it. What's up with you? You haven't been the same since the swimming hole. And that was like, a week ago. Are you ever gonna tell me what's bothering you?"
I didn't answer, just staring solemnly at my food.
Isabella blew out a breath and collected her food, stalking off to another table.
I sighed. It had been hard not sharing with my best friend, but I had to keep this to myself. And I'd also been feeling tremendously guilty after telling Sakura. Telling Isabella would only make it worse.
As if summoned by my thoughts, Sakura popped up beside me and settled down in Isabella's seat. "You need to tell her," Sakura stated, a determined look on her face.
"I can't." I haven't even told you everything, I thought. And if you knew what I suspect about me, I just know you'll look at me differently. "I just can't," I repeated helplessly.
"Why? Do you think she'll react differently than me?"
"I wasn't supposed to tell you, either. I told Shawn he could trust me. He obviously couldn't."
"I don't think he'd mind you telling someone you know for certain won't go spreading it around," Sakura pointed out.
"But I don't actually know that. I just think she won't say anything." I sighed, resting my head in my arms.
Sakura leaned forward. "Look what this secret is doing to you. You have to talk about it."
I propped my head up. "I'll talk about it with you."
Sakura sighed. "But you're not telling me about it. After the bayou, you haven't said anything. And that was three days ago. I can tell, it's eating you up inside."
Sakura was right, of course, but I couldn't seem to fully grasp what she was saying.
"I have to go," I abruptly stood up.
"Look, I didn't mean to push you too hard, but I want you to do the right thing."
"And the right thing would be keeping a secret a friend told me to keep." I dumped the rest of my lunch in a trash can as I passed by, then strutted back into school.
Sakura sighed. "She is not making this easy for me," she muttered tiredly.
***
"How can you not talk about something with me! I thought we shared everything!" Isabella exclaimed.
"This is something I promised I wouldn't talk about," I protested.
"Who did you promise?" Isabella asked.
I bit my lip. "I can't tell you."
Isabella threw up her hands. "Why is it such a secret?"
"It's not, he just told me to keep it to myself."
"Oh, so it's a 'he'? At least that got me somewhere." Isabella walked away, a pondering look on her face.
I smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand, walking down the street back home after a long school day. Why does she keep prying? Did Sakura say anything? Immediately, I pulled out my phone and shot Sakura a text: What did u say to Isabella??
A minute or so later, my phone rang with an incoming call from Sakura. I answered, held my phone up to my ear and said, "Well? What did you tell her?"
"Do I even get a hello?" Sakura's snarky voice crackled through my phone.
"Sorry. But did you tell her anything? She's been asking me all these questions like she knows something else. Please tell me you didn't tell her Shawn's thing."
"First of all, slow down, and second of all, I would never tell Isabella what I swore to not tell her."
"Thank you."
"But I did tell her to talk to you."
"Sakura!"
"I'm sorry, but I didn't want Shawn to be the reason you lost a friend."
"Look, I didn't mean to yell. Thanks for trying," I rubbed the bridge of my nose, exhausted with all the secrecy.
"Sure. Gotta go, but call me later, okay?" Sakura asked.
"Yeah, see you." I clicked my phone off and resumed my walk to my house.
***
I tossed and turned, not wanting to fall asleep and have another one of my owl dreams. But, seemingly against my will, I fell asleep anyway, my dream different than the ones in the past.
I ran through the woods, leaves smacking me as I ran between two trees, not bothering to push the branches out of my way. A clearing came into view just as a muscle spasm hit me in a painful wave.
I gritted my teeth against the pain and stripped down to my bra and panties, not wanting my clothes to rip when I transformed. My back arched from the pain and my legs started to throb, slowly shrinking, becoming bird legs, my feet turning to talons, curling into the shape of claws, digging into the ground, causing horrifyingly painful spasms.
I cried out, tears brimming in my eyes. I hoped I would black out and not feel it, but I did; I felt all of it. I felt my skin receding, the white and tan owl feathers piercing through my skin excruciatingly. My talons viciously growing from under my fingers. The tears pricking my eyes started to stream down my face, the hot tears staining my cheeks. I wished it would end soon. Or that I would die. Anything to stop the pain. To end my suffering.
I was jolted awake from the harsh pain. My eyes snapped open, and I was barely able to keep myself from crying out. I barely registered what was happening. All I knew was that I needed to get out. Biting my tongue, I crawled out of my bed and fumbled on my hiking boots, my legs throbbing. I lost my balance and fell down, clutching the side of my bed to catch myself. I pushed open my door and tried to be as quiet as possible heading down the stairs. Luckily, the back door was unlocked, so I slipped out as another spasm hit me in my temples, hitting me so hard I dropped to my knees outside my house.
Breathing hard, I got back up and bolted for the trees, like Shawn, looking for cover. Am I changing too? my thoughts questioned. Could I be? If my dreams are any indication, then I'm not a Nahual. Then what am I? I didn't know the answer.
My thoughts almost distracted myself from the pain, but not enough.
***
I felt my knees sink into the ground for the third time that night. I kept tripping over myself, not used to how I was moving. I pushed myself off the ground again and gritted my teeth against the fresh wave of pain, feeling a bit like cramps, but much worse. I sprinted onward, soon finding myself far enough into the woods where no one should be able to find me. Thinking about Shawn, I wondered if he was in the forest as well. Maybe he was going through the same things as me.
Another muscle spasm rocked through me, and I was unable to stop myself from yelping out in pain. I grabbed onto a tree for support, its rough bark digging into my palms. My mouth started to throb next, my lips thinning, face reforming itself into a golden beak for a mouth, wide eyes, wide, heart-shaped owl face, my eyes starting to shift to black and white, my irises coloring to black. I crouched to the ground, hiding my face and trying do this as painlessly as possible. But the pain didn't stop.
My whole felt like it was being twisted from the inside out, being hit with one painful spasm after another. When the Spasms ceased, I thought it might be done. I pushed myself up with my hands, crouched over the damp ground. Then The pain spread out again, starting from my core and pulsing out like a ripple on a pond's glass surface.
I collapsed from the pain. I gripped the ground with my hands. Then I felt a thousand puncture wounds spread out all over my body. Like I was being stabbed with a collection of daggers simultaneously. I set my head down, the effort too much. Then the feathers pierced through my skin.
My gaze zeroed in on my arm, the only part of me in view. They pushed up from under my skin, as if they'd always been there, laying and waiting for me. This time I couldn't bite back my scream. I let it rip through the air, so sharp it could've cut through steel.
Luckily, that's when I passed out. When I awoke, with no way to tell how long I was out for, I was no longer a seventeen year-old girl; I was a beautiful white and tan barn owl, my eyes big and round, with a new perspective of the world. It felt so strange to see like an animal does, how they see the world, and how they see us.
Am I dreaming? my thoughts asked, but I didn't think so. This felt was too painfully real. But I'd done it. I'd completely transformed, and that's more than what Shawn could do, my mind went on. But now came the tricky part; How was I supposed to turn back into a girl?
I didn't know, but what I did know was that I really wanted to fly. I could now fly and soar and glide through the air unlike anyone I will ever know. I remembered learning about owls and how they flew in science class. Testing it out, I sat up and stood on my claws, curling them around the ground below. Then, I spread both of my giant white wings, feathers fanning out, preparing for a flight. I just hoped it actually worked. I bent my knees, beating my wings with all I had in me and I felt myself rise off the ground, faster than I would've thought possible for an owl. And throughout it all, my wing beats were very, very silent.
Within seconds, I had risen up level to the tops of the trees and were flying straight ahead, towards the bright moon, feeling just the many dreams I've had about it. Except in those dreams, I was being chased, being eaten. What if that came true too? It didn't matter now, for I was flying, soaring too fast to care, shooting forward like a speeding bullet. Well, a bullet with wings, that is.
I sped even further through the sky, deeper into the forest, flapping my wings majestically, dodging trees quicker than I ever have on my own two feet. But, then a problem arose; a giant copse of trees were coming up, too wide for me to swerve around, and I didn't know how to stop, let alone slow down. So, instead, I tried soaring above it. I angled my wings up and flew higher into the sky rushing myself to make before crashing into the rough pine trees below.
I surprised myself when I cleared the tops of the trees, but the very top branches brushed my underbelly and tail feathers, making me feel relieved to have made it at all. After I cleared the copse, I slowed down a few notches, breathlessness finally catching up to me.
After a few more feet, I came to a complete stop and found a long, wide low-hanging branch to land on. My claws extended and latched onto the branch as I pulled myself in, folding my wings over myself in a way that felt normal. I sat there for a few moments, before falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.
I woke up when the early lights of dawn rose in the sky, spreading out in colorful whirls. I was still an owl, and was definitely farther from home than I wanted to be. But I had to get going again, even though it wasn't easy, in this new form of mine. My worries from last night came rolling back into my mind as I kept flying through the trees, trying to find my way back to my house, and my clothes. What if I was stuck like this forever, never able to be myself again?
No, I shouldn't think like that, couldn't think like that. I could shift back, it would just probably hurt, a lot. I sighed, it coming out more like a wheezing screech, my owl beak a whole lot different from my human mouth. I bent my knees again, and took flight from the branch, and I couldn't help but feel happy that I could fly. Actually fly. Not just fly. Soar.
***
The clearing finally came into view, my clothes strewn around it, thankfully still there. Now came the tricky part- how to change back. I landed in the clearing, flapping my wings to have a safe landing. I decided to crouch low to the ground and concentrate on what I used to look like; my wavy brown hair, dark tan skin, high cheekbones, and dark green eyes.
My coloring was a bit abnormal, to say the least. I'm descended from the Choctaw Tribe on my father's side, and Southern European on my mother's side. I had the hair, skin, and cheekbones from my father's side, but my green eyes were from my mother. My skin was also a bit lighter, as my father said and in comparison to my relatives on that side of my family tree.
Soon enough, my temples started to throb, and I took that as I was starting to change back. Then the pain started to spread like fire burning through my veins. I tried to yelp, but it came out as another wheezing screech, this one louder than the last. The fire spread down through my body, down to the tips of my wings and the very end of my claws. I felt surrounded in it, engulfed in it.
The pain became too much. My body dropped to the ground under the pressure. I started to feel another tingling sensation paired with the fire. It grew, and I felt myself start to grow too. Back to my human form.
Then I fainted again, thankfully. When I came to, I was human again, but my clothes hadn't magically reappeared on my body when I shifted back. Quickly, I pulled on my undergarments and then threw my sweatpants on, then my t-shirt. It took me a minute, but I finally found my leather hiking boots and tugged them on my feet.
Unfortunately, I was lost. I wasn't exactly in my right head when I'd rushed out here, and now I didn't know which direction my house was in. And with the sun climbing higher in the sky every minute, I needed to hurry and figure this out before my dad woke up and I was gone, signs of a struggle in my room.
The only side I could rule out was the one I took off in when I'd been my owl self. I shook my head. This was definitely cool, but a lot scarier when it's happening to you rather than someone else. That brought my thoughts back around to Shawn. I'd felt for him before, but now that I know how painful it really was… I shuddered. Was his different? Better? Or worse?
I vehemently shook my head and brought my head back out of the clouds. I needed to focus on getting home, then I could talk to Shawn at school tomorrow. No, today. I sighed. It was already morning, and I'd barely gotten any sleep. However, the sleep I did get was gratefully undisturbed, even if it was in the forest.
As I walked, the weather seemed to get worse and worse, making my fingers grow numb, my breath showing in the morning air. Now I was really wishing that I'd brought my jacket. It felt like winter outside, which was insane, since it was only October. It was still warm through the days, not even jacket weather, and now, the one time I wish for warm weather, I get blasted with a bona fide blizzard.
I huffed a breath, but that only make me colder, so I picked up my speed, hoping I was at least heading in the right direction. I maneuvered my way through the forest, finding my way back home.
When I stepped out of the trees, I forgot to look for my house, the warm sun hitting me, making all my frigid thoughts disappear, my hands already getting warmer. That's when I noticed I was in the middle of town. I knew how to get to my house from here, but it would take a while.
I sighed and started walking along the treeline, running behind buildings and dodging any tree in my way. The early morning light was bright and piercing, cutting through the leaves and blinding me when the rays found my eyes.
My house came into view and I decided to come through the back door and pray that my father was still asleep.
Thankfully, he was. I was able to sneak by his room with no interference and head back to my own. When I entered, I saw the mess I had made when I was mid-shift. I hurriedly cleaned it up and instantly fell asleep the second I lay on my bed, not even bothering to go under my blanket.
***
My alarm went off, but I was so groggy that I must've turned it off in my sleep, since I woke to my father shaking me awake, the light flooding in my room telling me I overslept. "Dad?" I asked groggily, my voice sounding distant.
"Veronica, it's way past seven, and you're really late for school," my father nearly shouted.
I snapped out of my grogginess and shooed my father from my room so I could get dressed. I hurriedly did so, and also mentally prepared what I was going to tell Shawn at school. I'd decided that since he was honest with me, that I'd be honest with him. And I hoped he would believe me too.
It seems that the weather hadn't warmed up as much during the day, so I ditched the shorts for jeans, probably not the only one doing so. I rushed down my drive, pulling my backpack on over my shoulder as I jogged to school, a breeze fighting me the whole time.
The day seemed to be moving in slow motion, each minute feeling like an hour. An after what felt like an eternity, Lunch rolled around, where I could finally talk to Shawn after a long day of waiting and preparing what to say.
I found him sitting with Austin at one of the more secluded lunch tables, a few leaves sprinkling the table and ground around it as I walked up.
"Shawn?" I asked.
He turned around, and I immediately flashed back to to the other night, his face dirt-smeared, in mid-transformation.
I shook it off as I asked, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure." He got up and followed me around the corner of the building, where there was a secluded little spot where no one can hear you. I stopped and turned around, Shawn waiting expectantly in front of me.
"So what's this about?" he asked, leaning against the stone wall, arms crossed.
I wasn't sure how to say this, so I decided with the long version. "Ever since I was little, I would have dreams about being an owl. Not seeing one, being one. Like I was seeing through its eyes. Then my dad told me it was just my imagination, and I'd believed him. Until the other night."
"When you found me?" Shawn questioned.
I nodded. "Then, last night, I was having another dream, where me, as myself, was in the woods, physically changing into an owl. Then I woke up and found it happening to be in real life. I ended up in the same clearing you changed in, and…"
"And what?" he asked, looking very anxious.
I moved on. "And it was as painful as hell." I looked into his eyes. "I don't know how you've endured this multiple times."
Shawn shrugged.
"Then, thankfully, I passed out, and woke up a barn owl. I thought it was cool, but scary, flew around for a bit, then I fell asleep as an owl, woke up an owl, then tried and successfully shifted back, making my way home."
"So you completely shifted, no half-way pauses, and no vomiting?" he questioned.
I nodded.
"Lucky you," he murmured, almost too soft for me to hear, turning his head away from me.
I didn't know what to say to that, so I asked him, "Are you going to tell anyone?"
Shawn turned back to me and shook his head."You didn't go running into town screaming your head off when you saw me, so I won't do the same to you."
I felt guilty all over again. It must've shown on my face because Shawn asked me, "What's wrong?"
I sighed. "I'm the worst person ever."
"What happened?"
"I told you you could trust me, and you can, but I told someone I know very well and won't go spreading it around."
Shawn shook his head. "I figured you would, even though you said you wouldn't."
"I'm really sorry."
He shrugged. "But I also thought you would try to avoid me if you did tell anyone or were just freaked out from seeing me… how I was. But I didn't count on you having the same problem as me." He smirked at that.
"Maybe you're contagious."
He laughed. "Well, if I am, I'm sorry."
Now I laughed. "You're sorry? I'm the one who lied."
Shawn looked me dead in the eye. "You're not a lair. I never said you couldn't tell anyone, I just wanted you to trust me. And I can see that we do. Trust each other, I mean."
I smiled. "I guess so."
Just then the bell rang, lunch period over.
"Can we continue this later?" Shawn asked me.
"After school?"
He nodded.
"Okay." I backed up from him. "See you in study hall."
Shawn nodded again.
We wordlessly parted ways, two shapeshifters walking the same halls, with the same questions spinning through their heads.