Carrie's eyes snapped open. Knife-edged mini-jaws were inches from her face. Her terrified expression was reflected in each of the creature's hundred eyes. Drips of mucus spattered on the floor, and steamed.
"I—I'm sorry?" asked Carrie.
"Would you like to sit down?"
She peered to either side of the bug. There didn't seem to be anyone or anything else there. There was only one conclusion possible: It had to be the ravening monster of her dream speaking.
Carrie took a shaky breath. "But...I am sitting down."
"Are you?" The bug blinked, a tiny transparent membrane flashing over the surface of each of its eyes. "I always get humans confused with squashpumps. I suppose my proximity is making you uncomfortable, too?"
"Y—Yes, it is, actually. And if you wanted me to take a seat, I'd need a chair."
The creature scuttled backwards to the centre of the room. Carrie's rigid muscles eased and she exhaled through pursed lips.
"I apologise," said the bug. "I am new to this. I would appreciate it if you do not mention anything to my superiors."
"Umm...no, I won't. Don't worry." She checked around quickly for signs of more massive insects.
"Thank you." The bug squatted on its ten pairs of legs, their joints rising higher than its body. Its head twisted until it was perpendicular to the floor. "I understand you are here to interview for the position of Transgalactic Intercultural Community Crisis Liaison Officer."
"No." Carrie wedged her back into the corner, which seemed the safest place in the circumstances.
"No?" the creature emitted an intricate, musical clicking. "That is incorrect. See, your application is here."
"Where?"
"Whoops, there I go again. I forgot humans cannot see in that wavelength. I will read it out to you."
"W4M Carrie, 23 YO." It paused, clicked, and continued, "New in town, AL, PIS, GSOH, SD, NM, NS, WLTM S VGL man with SI (martial arts and pub quizzes) for FTA poss. LTR."
Carrie's flush reached the roots of her hair. "That's my—my ad on a dating website. How did you get hold of it?"
"You are mistaken. This is not an advertisement. This is an application in transgalactic code. Translated into English it says, I would like to apply for the position of—"