Today...
I don't know what to think. Everyone is whispering. Staring at the poster about the boy who jumped off the cliff. No one would have guessed when we heard the news, that it was someone in our school. Specifically him. When you think about Gray... all you see are smiles and laughter. Now? Now all you see is the poster about him, the news, his crying sister.
Don't get me wrong. I wasn't his friend. I was far from it. I was just someone in the background of his life. A shadow? No. A ghost. There... but not. I don't like... people. They take a lot of effort. Keeping them happy, entertained. One wrong move and everyone could leave you. It could break you. I've seen it happen before. So I just... don't get attached. I avoided it at all costs. If there was a group assignment, I would ask the teacher if I could work alone, and if that didn't work then I would go for someone who wouldn't even show up to the project meeting. Avoiding people's my specialty... I guess Gray was the opposite. He jumps right in and never looks back. Me? I hang on the other side of the cliff my fingers grasping not to fall into a loneliness so deep I could never return. Deep down... I do want to return, just not quite yet.
It keeps me wondering.
Is today the day I finally let go?
If not today, then when?
I think about this when I see people laughing in the halls. When I stare up at the stars at night wishing I was up there in the deep sky surrounded by lights. But when that day comes... and it will... I hope someone is there to catch me, if only for a second, to make me feel wanted.
No one knows what happened to Gray. But the sad part is, no one even tried to figure it out.
<->
School is out. Not just because Gray is in the hospital but because of the snow. We have 2 feet. On any normal year, we would still be suffering through the day with bored looks and monotone voices from the teachers. But this was not a normal year. They're pulling out all of the kids who look depressed or act depressed, or you know, don't see the point in smiling if there is nothing to smile about. I'm one of those kids.
When I was first called after school, I basically told the school to fuck off. Who were they to say what my state of mind was. But then they called my Father. I'm not saying he's abusive. He's compulsive and doesn't know when to stop. He has anger issues, but all of this can be blamed on someone. He wasn't always like this. So when he got the call, there was a lot of screaming and throwing things.
So thus, I took back my statement for the school to "fuck off."
So that is where I am now. sitting in a room with about 20 other kids. Some listening to music, others reading or just spaced out looking at something. *If only I had my camera. I could capture the feelings of the people around me, maybe then I could understand*
(Ps: * means its his thoughts)
"Charlie Woods, please come over here now." It's a voice I know well. The counselor. I know what your thinking but stop. I don't get into fights. See that would take social interaction. Something I don't do. So how, you may ask, do I know that voice so well? Because its Grays Dad, and I am the main person who gets called here everyday because they don't thinks it's "normal" for me to not have any friends.