"No you forgot step one." Evenki said being surprisingly patient.
"Step one clear your mind. Two fill your heart, three feel it, lastly be it...."
"..be it. Yeah I know I'm doing it it's just not working." I said feeling frustrated as I sat on the grass. I wore an animal skin robe, a sheepskin one. Clothings made from animals allows a Shaman to shapeshift without having them ending up naked every time they shift. Soriel's, or Ms. Evelyn's janitor's uniform is weaved from enchanted spider silk. Each Shaman responds better to different clothings. Soriel has an affinity with spiders so hers are made from its threads. Evenki is both bear and panther. So she has a bearskin robe and a panther teeth necklace. These robes, despite being inanimate objects still hold remnants of the animal essence, something like a soul. Thus this also enhances a Shaman's animalistic form. Though I think the sheepskin robe is more of an insult though. A sheep to be made a mutton of.
Evenki's sigh robbed me of my peaceful reverie and threw me back to my unhappy reality. "You're being to analytical about it. You think too much on how it should feel rather than just feeling it." She paced around giving me that calculative look. "What do you do for fun?" she suddenly asked.
"Is this were you ask me to look for that mindless blissful moments in my life when I do the thing I enjoy the most so that I can finally stop being annoying and actually pull it off so we can progress?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes." She answered- was she stifling a smile?- and then pulled me up. "If you know what to do then do it."
I took a deep breathe in and out letting my limbs loose and occupied my head with those moments. Playing video games and conquering my enemies in the most brutal fashion. Good but it lacks sentimental value. My friends, good but I'm not that great of a guy, and they are a pain in the ass at times. My parents? No, we aren't really that close, though I do love them. Then it hits me with the word love. I think of Ariana. Her laughter. Her beauty. Her joy. She kissed me on a dare. Dated me for herself. Then she loved me more than I thought could ever do so. I remember our moments. The hidden ones weighed the most. Then I remembered when we shared that special moment, that kiss, under the seats of the football stadium. How passionate it was. I loved her so much then and there and it was never the same after that. I felt a shiver run down my spine. Then an innate warmth. I opened my eyes to me looking up at Evenki. There was something in her eyes that facinated me. Her eyes had a little bit of blue in them.
"A Turtledove." Her voice was small and there was vulnerability in it, and it threw me off. Then I noticed my peripheral was abnormal.I could barely see what's in front of me. I tried to walk but I felt more like hobbling. Then I I felt an urge to jump and I did. Then I flew.
The sensation of flight was amazing and a little scary, felt worse than the worst take offs I've had.
"Fly to the lake!" I heard her I heard Evenki speak beside me and saw her as a raven. Black and sleek her eyes the only thing to break the monotony of the colour.
We pitched down and sideways to the left. The Great was a large expanse of water, larger than any lake in the world perhaps. We flew above it and I saw myself. A turtledove. CReam coloured feathers covered about me. It was thrilling. I felt like laughing so I did then I did a loop enjoying the sensation. We were reaching just the edge when I felt myself revert back to being human. My arms flapped, more like flailed really, as I went face first to the water. I sputtered as soon as I broke surface and I heard Evenki laugh hard. She stood just at the edge.
"Go- good job sheep." She tried to talk but her body racked with laughter. She really love it when I embarrass myself, one was or the other. "Now come one. Let's get you dried up." She spoke more composed now, still giggling though. She reached out her hand to help me out of the water.
I took it, warm against my wet and cold one, a sly smile suddenly sculpted on my face and her eyes went wide and realized too late my intention. I pulled her hard and she fell right to me and to the lake. We rose up and I laughed at her this time while she splashed at me endlessly. Soon we were having a little fight with her winning as she turned into an elephant and completely demolished me.
.....-------....
"You've managed well for your first time. But you still need consistency." Evenki said as we sat by the fire under the night sky of Avalon. The stars here are differently charted. And they glowed brighter because there's no pollution here nor artificial lights.
"Yeah yeah I know. Though you gotta admit that was pretty good." I said smiling with joy and pride.
"Yes." She answered albeit maybe a bit more begrudgingly. "Each emotion responds to a certain form, though the animal is unique for each Shaman." then she gave me a look.
"What?"
"So you have someone out there you treasure dear?" she asked with an emotion I can't place.
"Yeah?"
She sighed and looked at the stars. "Be very careful with your life as a Shaman and as a normal boy. Being a Shaman. It's...it's far more brutal and cruel than you may realize."
I sighed as well and nodded. "Yes I know of the possible consequences. Thank you."
She looked at me, "For what?" she asked.
"For training me. And looking out for me, you know what I mean." I said now feeling silly.
She doesn't respond and we return to stargazing.
Then she does respond.
"Be careful boy, it will get harder from here."