Hearing Robbie, I had no words to say. My trust in him was shaken to the core when he rejected me during my most desperate times. I had to go through so much that I slowly started losing my affection for Robbie and hoped that we would never face each other. Even after meeting him again, I was not completely sure about why he was chasing me. I honestly believed that he was chasing me because of guilt and was afraid to make the assumption that he had anything more than that. What if I started believing it, and it turned out he was repenting all along?
Subconsciously, I started to like his presence around me and the care he displayed for Twen and me. I was afraid that I would get used to it, and then he would just disappear like last time. I kept holding myself back from trusting his words wholeheartedly. I was afraid of loving him again and then ending up hurt. Now, after knowing everything, I don't know what to think or do anymore. I understood all this time, he wasn't just seeking repentance, but he truly wanted me to be a part of his life. It was like a long-forgotten dream suddenly coming true.
My thoughts are all jumbled. I remained silent. I was at a loss for what to say. Robbie noticed my expression as he caught my face with both his hands and kissed my forehead. He caressed my hair and said softly,
"Don't look so conflicted! I didn't tell you all this to gain your sympathy or pity. I just want you to know that I have truly regretted hurting you. I was an idiot back then and didn't know what I wanted. I do now, but I am not going to force it. So, you can relax!"
"Eight years back, when I first came to Warham, I was alone and frightened. I tried to get a job, but no one would take me the moment they heard my sub-gender." Robbie looked at me in slight surprise. I wanted to tell him how the past few years were for Twen and me. I did not want to tell him this before as I thought that he wouldn't care. Now, I am certain that he wants to know too. I continued,
"One thing led to another, and I found myself on the street begging. I was duped, my money was gone, I had no food, no shelter, and a kid to take care of. If this was not bad enough, Twen fell severely ill, and for the first time, I felt the sheer fear of losing someone!"
Robbie quickly put his hand around my shoulder, nestling me in his arms. My breath, unbeknownst to me, had become shallow but came back to normal once Robbie held me. Robbie is already aware of this part, but without telling this part, I can't tell him the rest. Exhaling out heavily, I continued, "That time, I met Fred. He was a weird kid, barely sixteen. He took me in without any ulterior motives. He helped me treat Twen and gave me my first job. To date, I feel that gratitude. My job was to do some household chores and cook for him. I never got to take care of my siblings, so I started to see him as one. He was a great boss. Not demanding nor short-tempered, nor was he imposing. Within a month, I started loving the job and taking care of him. However, over time something changed. I did not know when the change came about, but during his high school graduation, he told me he was in love with me."
I felt Robbie's entire body go stiff. I know that he has always felt very insecure about my relationship with Fred, but he deserves to know the truth. Patting his hand softly, I continued, "I was puzzled and confused by the sudden confession. I did not know what to say. He told me that I did not need to answer him immediately and I could take my time. However, that did not happen as, within a few days, Fred's father came to speak with me. He was as level-headed as Fred and spoke politely and formally. He told me that he has high expectations for his son and values him a lot. He cannot allow anyone to interfere with that. In order for his son to advance in life, he requested that I leave him so that I would not hold him back. In addition, he said that since I too have a son, I should be able to understand his viewpoint. He told me he does not want to use force and just wants me to disappear from his son's life."
"Uncle Fernando's words scared me. I knew that they had too much power in hand and could hurt Twen if they wanted to. I packed my bag and left the very next day. When Fred came searching for me, I-" I swallowed, and my eyes started swimming in tears, "I told him lots of nasty words. I couldn't tell him the truth as I would have only served as the catalyst to breaking the father-son relationship, so the best I could do was reject him harshly."
I finished and covered my face as tears rolled down my cheeks. If I could turn back time, I would have killed my previous self for hurting Fred so much. I can't believe how cruel I was. I have no idea how he could still remain so pure of heart, still care for me, remain friends with me and still be in love with me. I really do not deserve him.
Robbie hugged me and let me cry my heart out. He kept stroking my back to calm me. It is the first time that I have spoken of this with anyone. I have never forgiven myself for my actions, even if Fred has. In fact, I wanted Fred to be mad at me, maybe shout and get angry at me, but his understanding made me feel even worse. It took me a quarter of an hour to calm down. Robbie helped me wipe my face. I cleared my voice and continued,
"I went back to La Costa several times but could not bring myself to face Fred. By the time I finally got the courage to apologize for what I said, he went abroad for further education. I decided to wait for him. No matter what, I had to apologize to him. If I didn't, I felt the guilt would kill me." I finally looked up at Robbie's face, who was looking at me very gently. I put a hand on his cheek and said, "I thought you were the same as me. The reason you were chasing me was because the guilt was unbearable to you. I did not know what your true feelings for me were, and I couldn't trust you."
"I know. You have no reason to trust me either," Robbie said, holding the hand I placed on his cheek.
Knowing his true feelings for me, I didn't want to mislead him or manipulate his feelings for my selfish needs. "Robbie, I am not sure of my feelings for you either, but I do not want you to leave. My identity will never let Twen live a good life only your presence in his life can guarantee him a better life. I am sorry if I am being self-"
"Sssshhh," Robbie said, putting a finger on my lips. His expression was unchanged. He looked at me with clear eyes, "What do you mean selfish? He is my son too, and providing him with a better life is my responsibility as well. You have done more than your share. Even if you cannot love me back, it will not change the fact that I am Twen's father. As such, I won't leave your and Twen's side no matter what."
I chuckled slightly before teasing, "Even if I cannot love you back?"
Robbie showed a mock-serious face and said, "Hmmm…. yeah! It is fine. All I have to do is to make you fall for me again."
"....."
He started laughing, seeing my blank face. He put me on the bed and pulled the blanket over before snuggling beside me. He said quietly near my ears,
"Now, let's sleep."
Subconsciously, I smiled too. From time to time, we would end up snuggling and sleeping together. Robbie's warmth was soothing and made me fall asleep easily. I am feeling much lighter than I have in years. The guilt I felt towards Fred was like a boulder that I carried around everywhere. Today, finally, that boulder is removed. I know that Robbie felt the same. After years of suppressing such painful emotions, we both got to clear it out tonight. I guess we both can have a peaceful night after a long while.
Now, only one thing remains to be cleared, and that is my confused feelings for Robbie. There was too much misunderstanding and doubts between us all these years. Even though everything was resolved today, it is still a bit much to expect that once all the mistrust and misunderstandings are eliminated, suddenly we'll be lovey-dovey again! Sighing internally, I closed my eyes but opened them almost immediately as I heard Robbie calling,
"Tony?"
I responded almost in a whisper, "Yeah?"
"My mum wants to meet you. She is returning tomorrow. Is it ok if we meet her this Saturday?"
I looked at him in spite of myself. His gray eyes looked at me expectantly. He wanted me to meet his mum? This feels like he is taking his would-be partner to meet his family. My heart started beating wildly. I could only utter,
"Your mum?"
Robbie chuckled as he replied, "Yeah. I told you right that I have told mum everything about you and me. She really wants to meet you both and asked me about it. There was so much going on all this time that I never got around to asking, plus, she is barely ever in the country. Now that she is coming back, I thought I should ask you. Would you like to meet her?"
"Are you sure? I mean, wouldn't she be disappointed to see her son with someone like me?" l said, feeling very self-conscious.
Robbie's face suddenly became stern, "What do you mean someone like you?"
I always find this stern glaring self of Robbie a little frightening, so I stammered, "Y-you know, m-me being an Omega and not having anything s-special-"
"You are special! You are much better than those showy Alphas who live extravagant lives and boast their dad's wealth. You have struggled, fought, built your own life, and also taken care of a kid in the process. They are not worth a single strand of your hair," Robbie spoke in one breath and snorted disdainfully at the end.
I blinked. Wasn't Robbie also one of such Alphas? Though he has changed in recent times, he wasn't any different before. I refrained from telling him this!! After all, Robbie hasn't had it easy ever since leaving his house. I heard Robbie ask me again as he yawned
"So, Saturday evening?"
I nodded and murmured, "Yes."
Robbie smiled and pulled me into an embrace. As sleep slowly rolled over us, I silently prayed that I fall for Robbie again, and this time our love sustains!