I was Vella De Evan, and i killed myself—or so I thought. To explain how I feel after this ordeal is... complicated.
When I wake up every morning, my mind is heavy. The bleariness of the sun felt suffocating as I breathed, and the chill of the room seemed to permeate into my bones. Like a shell of a body—my mind would utter as I gained consciousness as I awake each day—another day of survival.
Yet this time, for the first time, I awoke with pain—physical pain this time, but also peace. I woke up again, haziness blurred my sight once more. I was still in the bizarre place, the same dirty crumpled clothing, and still the same room i was in when i woke up the first time.
I lay still on the bed, the soft mattress was comfortable, it had been quite awhile since i felt the feeling of laying down on one. I stared at the sealing. Blank. My heart hollow yet contradictorily full, an oxymoronic statement I couldn't help but ridicule myself at it.
I couldn't help but think of Isak, the feeling of my heart thumping whenever i thought about him still haunts me. I thought i could try forget about him, but it was impossible. My love was already running deep, i felt angry and jealous when i remember Adrianne getting close to him, and in the end, Isak fell in love with her, not me. My blood begins to run cold once more, a familiar feeling that seemed to drape over me like a heavy coat, hammered into my shoulders.
Why couldn't he even notice me? Was it because i was a child of a slave? Was i not pretty enough? What should i do to make you love me, Isak?
I felt hot tears trickling down my cheeks. My lips widened like a half-broken moon.
I wiped the tears that were falling, trying to keep myself strong. I tried to think of the times when he hurt me, but i could not do anything. I accepted anything from him even if i could capture at least a tiny bit of his attention, even though it was negative.
Because, I loved him. I still did, feelings could not die easily. He was manipulative, selfish even, but I still loved him.
How ironic everything was, because it was worth nothing. I did not mean anything to him, while he was the world to me.
It was my stupidity, yet i still hate everyone. I did not deserve the torment, they did.
I hated everyone, I want them to die, I want them to suffer, I want them to feel all sorts of torture.
I breathed violently, anger brimming heavily inside of me. I tried to calm myself down, thinking positively, trying to dispel the hatred in my heart. The juvenile thoughts brimming in my head felt childish to me, yet these feelings didn't want to go away.
Actually, I know that I may be in the wrong. I know that the only thing that everyone did to wrong me was to ignore my existence. I knew I was a substitute, I knew that anything I did they wouldn't really bat an eye—they didn't care. As long as I wasn't in their view, I could do whatever. I knew the extent to which I craved for attention was alarming, yet I couldn't help but leap into that deep dark pool of self-destruction, I knew the harm I was inflicting didn't just hurt the others... I think, I caused the most harm to myself along the way.
Never mind. I didn't want to indulge into my thoughts. I don't want to ruin... whatever the confusing situation I'm in right now.
I suddenly remembered about the strange device on the small table beside the bed. The thing that scared me until i fainted.
I was quite scared to touch it, was it alive? I gathered my courage to look at it, I tried touching it, the glass panel lit up again, revealing the same cartoon boy i saw before i fainted. I touched the small button underneath it once more, suddenly changing into the beautiful woman i saw when i woke up.
"What in the world is this?" I mutter to myself, curiously touching the glass screen.
"Hello, Vella De Evan." The woman said, blinking through the glass.
I was startled, I jumped in surprise from the voice. Did it come from the woman on the strange device?
"Yes, yes. The voice came from me." She said again, sighing slightly.
I, who distanced myself from the strange device, slowly crawled to the small bedside table and peered to the device.
"How can you talk? Your just a cartoon in a strange device..." I ask curiously towards the device, still a tad bit scared to go close to it.
"Darling, I'm no cartoon. Well I have a real form but it's more fun in this form, I'm in my anime form, don't i look gorgeous?" She said, turning around as if she was displaying her self, i had to admit, she quite pretty in that type of form, i wonder if she was real and had a body?
'Though, what in the world is anime?' I thought to myself, such a strange word. I shook my head slightly as I sighed. I had so many unanswered questions to ask, my head felt dizzy from all the questions.
"Dear, looks like i have a lot to teach you about the world your living in now. I have to change into my real form so it'll be easier as well I guess." She sighed heavily, the small black device suddenly turned off.
Dark clouds suddenly started forming inside the small room, and the air suddenly became chilly. The clouds suddenly began forming a body right in front of me, obviously making me stunned and slightly scared.
"Hello Vella, I'm Monica Louvre. It's quite nice to meet you." Monica said to me as her pretty lips smiled.
I was scared and shocked, what had just happened?
She was absolutely beautiful. Her hair was deep brown, curly and long. Her skin was fair, almost translucent and her nose was dainty. Her eyes were jeweled red, like my ruby eyes, only better, and her lips were naturally red. She looked like a Greek Goddess. Her body was wrapped in a black off-shouldered dress, with embroidery netted flowers on her shoulders, with a black choker.
"W-what?" At this point, I was already questioning humanity and it's existence. Yet, I think that shouldn't really be questioned once more when I'm here right now, when I was supposed to die.
"Haha, people are always like that when they first see me. Their expressions are always quite nice to see." She smiled as she said, her voice was enchanting and magical.
"W-well, um, Monica, may I ask some questions?" I asked to her, hope filled my heart. I felt confused, I wanted to ask how I was still alive, how I ended up in this place, and a dozen questions more.
"Ah yes, I bet your curious as to why your here and still alive am i right?"
"Well, of course."
"Yes, yes, It only natural. My dear Vella, you have already died, but only your body, not your soul. Hmm, let's say, your soul was switched with the soul of the body you are inhabiting right now. As for the reason, it's quite simple actually, a mistake made by one of the reapers happened. Quite dangerous I may say."
"So, your saying my soul is swapped with someone else?" I asked, not quite believing what's happening.
"Yes. Oh god, looks like I have to be honest. Vella, You aren't real, you never were. You were a fictional character in a game, yet due to your resentment you somehow became real. Everything around you, your story, was created by humans, Vella." Monica sighed heavily as she pushed strands of her hair back.
I was speechless, I didn't exist? My life, all the things I had to endure, was all because someone was bored so they decided to create a character in a game, and decided to make my life and death tragic? I was enraged, my thoughts were blinded with anger, everything i suffered was just a cause of someone?
"Calm down Vella, don't get so angry. No one would ever think a character would suddenly come to life right?"
She had a point, but that didn't stop my anger. I was angry, because everything I felt could have been different, but they had to make me.
"Well, while you get over that, I'll tell you where you are. You're in the 21st Century, the modern world, where technology is, and the citizens are the rulers. You know, where men and women are the same. But, I mean, It's probably not the best time to be alive, ugh." Monica said as she shuddered lightly and glanced over her perfectly painted red nails.
21st century? I don't even want to know anymore.
"How in the world did this happen?" I muttered to myself, and for some reason Monica was even able to hear, I was starting to get paranoid.
"It's called fate, darling. You never know what could happen next, it could be the most unexpected thing you could imagine." Monica said as she smiled to me, her cold hand resting on my shoulder as she cupped my cheek.
"I don't believe in those sorts of things, what fate? My fate was created by a bunch of humans." I snorted coldly.
"Now, now, don't be so bitter about it. You're given another chance at life, am I right? You can now live your life to the fullest, maybe find love and friends in this life, don't you think so? Cheer up a bit, I don't like dealing with resentful people, it's quite the burden I may say."
I buried my face in my hands, thinking that life was hard. Well, life was never easy on me anyways. My breathing started getting heavy, and as if a tight band was wrapped around my head, I had a suffocating headache. I pulled my hair, trying to distract myself from the paranoia, I was scared.
"Stop being so afraid Vella. You're getting stressed, how about you get some sleep, you don't look so good." Monica said, as grabbed my cold sweaty hands, ushering me to lay down on the comfy bed.
"Y-yes, you're right Monica, I need some rest, my head hurts." I nodded, suddenly feeling frantic and panicky, I walked to the bed, laying down on the bed.
"Vella, starting from now on, you are Joo Yeona. Not Vella De Evan anymore, understand?" Monica whispered in my ear.
"Yes, Monica." I barely reply, before i felt drowsy.
Drowsiness easily came to me, as if I was being hypnotized. Monica was in my view, a smile on her pretty face. I heard her whisper something into my ear once more, but i couldn't hear clearly. My view was pitch black, I was fast asleep.
"Oh soon dear, be patient. For I shall teach you how to help your old body, change your old destiny. Don't you want to know? For now, sleep well, tomorrow shall be a long day for you."