This night she had a dream. She fell and fell, deeper, unstoppable. The cold, hard earth aproaching beneath her. She did not wake up. Not during the fall, not during the crash at the ground. Because she did not crash. She never did.
She had this dream every night. She did not tell anybody about it. Who should she tell? The doves, searching for dropped chips beneath her feet? The neon lights of the endless clubs and bars, always noisy? The poeple who passed her without paying a single look? No. She had no one.
And deep inside she knew that she did not want to talk about it, even if she could. It was HER dream. The only thing belonging truly to her. She was almost happy to see it again. It was the only certain thing in her life. Dream and death, these things were certain. Nothing more. She never knew if she would find food tomorrow, if she could get some money, if she could ever fall asleep without the constant fear of the street gangs. But her dream came. Every night when she was asleep he came and comforted her. At first she had been afraid of it. Afraid of the height, of the crash. But not anymore. The dream was the reality and the reality was the dream. Sometimes she cried after waking up, laying on the cold, hard bench in the park, shivering and trembling from the cold. Then she rose and went to her bins.
Sometimes she thought about robbing. To mug a bank and wear at least once in her life clothes which were not from the rubbish. To eat at least once a decent food. But she couldn't do it. She just could not do it.
About one year after she first had had the dream, it stopped. She did not dream anymore. She fell asleep and woke up. There was nothing in between.
Without her dream she had nothing. The days fused into an endless mash of grey, only disrupted by the short breaks of sleep. But she did not get rest. It was as if she had only closed her eyes for a few seconds, without getting rest. She was tired. Every single second she longed for sleep. But she couldn't.
She was able to hold out for three months without her dream. Then, in one of her sleepless nights, she went onto the roof of a skyscraper. The view was fantastic. But it wasn't the city that was beautiful. It was the view into the depths. Standing close to the edge, arms stretched out widely to both sides, she enjoyed the cold wind rippling through her filthy hair. She did not freeze. She never did in her dream. And in this moment, she had found her dream.
She went to the roof every night. But soon looking down wasn't enough anymore. She wanted to fall. Every night she fought with herself. She wanted to feel the sickening feeling of the fall once again. And she couldn't resist anymore.
She stood as close as it was possible at the edge of the roof. Her eyes gazed one last time over the city, a painful smile was on her lips. Then she let herself fall over.
A strong arm grabbed her waist and pulled her back. She fell on top of the man who had kept her from falling, and rolled onto the hard roof.
"Are you insane?!", the man yelled. "Why are you doing this?!"
"I want to fall", she mumbled and looked at him with empty eyes.
"No matter how f*cked up your life is, that is no reason to throw it away!", he said and rose. He was panting and a silent tear ran down his cheek. She did not say anything. He wiped away the tear. They did not move.
"What's your name?", he asked after a long pause.
"I don't know." She laid on her back, vision blurry. He exhaled deeply and stood up. Then he offered her a hand and pulled her up.
"Come on. I am Dream."