Wanting to get a feel of them, ZaiWin touched his fingers to one of his other, destructive markings, but Snow's back immediately arched forward and he quickly spun around, as if he'd pressed a painful spot on his back.
Faced with those wide, panicking eyes, ZaiWin lowered his hand and took a deep breath.
"You must learn to control them as well," he simply declared and received an immediate and vehement head shake. "You must!" he insisted. "More than any of the others, it is important that these markings obey your will, and not your emotions or your voice. People's lives may depend on it!"
Nervously chewing his lower lip, Snow lowered his head, obviously wishing he could avoid that subject altogether.
"Hey! Stop doing that!" ZaiWin commanded, grabbing his chin to make him look up again, pressing his thumb against Snow's lower lip, startling him at how intimate his touch felt. "They're already chipped from the cold! If you keep bitting them they'll start bleeding again!" he argued, apparently coldly analyzing his mouth, and Snow stopped chewing, clenching his teeth instead, making sure he didn't utter a single word.
"I probably still haven't told you this, but you cannot kill me with the power of your daitai," he declared, again in that serious tone, his blue eyes staring straight at him. "So I won't die, even if you lose control."
Snow averted his gaze and almost bit his lip again, stopping himself just in time.
"How can you be sure …?" he managed to ask and ZaiWin smiled, happy with his small victory, since he'd been finally able to make him speak again.
"It's just the way things are. You can stab me to death, slit my throat, or cut off my head," he declared in a cold, bitter tone. "But if you try to use your daitai to harm me it just won't work."
"But you can't be sure …" Snow insisted and finally turned his pale gaze back to him, his eyes now much firmer and colder. "I'm not like the others. My daitai too … And we are not … really ... connected. How can you be sure …?"
ZaiWin stared at him for a while at a loss for words, and ended up exhaling, finally releasing him from his touch.
"True. But I am not exactly like the others either. And I am confident you won't be able to harm me. So won't you trust me on that?"
And there he was, asking him to trust him again, Snow thought, averting his gaze.
"Besides, the worst that can happen should you kill me is that you'll end up dying as well," ZaiWin added, his dark sarcasm rising to the surface. "If we both end up dead, what are you worrying about? But if you unwillingly end up killing more innocent people … then what?"
Snow trembled at the mere sound of those words, the lifeless eyes of the men, women, and children that had been dragged into his prison cell, their bloody faces, haunting his memories.
A warm hand landed atop his head and playfully ruffled his hair, making him cringe.
"Just think about it, okay? I am confident that you will be able to control them as well," he openly declared, obviously trying to cheer him up.
What neither of them put into words was that, if the memories associated with the other markings had been bad enough, the memories associated with these markings were probably the worst yet.
"And now go and get washed before the water cools down.
Snow nodded, back to his silent self, and slowly made his way to the stone tank. He was about to take off the rest of his clothes, however, when a new wave of awkwardness washed over him.
He'd been bare-chested in front of him plenty of times, he had even been completely naked, when ZaiWin had watched over him while he bathed, during their travels. But he hadn't been completely naked in his presence while locked inside such closed quarters since he'd recovered from his injuries, back at the fortress. And, somehow, the fact that they were in a closed space made every difference. Snow really hated bedrooms! They always made him feel vulnerable and insecure. Having to take off his clothes only made things worse.
Taking a peek at him, however, he found ZaiWin still sitting on the bed, but he had pulled his legs up, crossing them atop the mattress. And he had his eyes closed, his beautiful face looking unexpectedly relaxed.
That's right, Snow thought, taking off his boots as silently as possible. ZaiWin had been taking care of his daitai all that time, but he also had his own markings to keep in check, healthy and balanced. And he had been using them nonstop, since he'd left Woodbridge to search for him.
Slipping inside the warm water, Snow couldn't help sigh in contentment. He had never taken a hot bath before and the feel of the warm water against his skin was pure bliss. How something so simple could feel this good was absolutely baffling. He soaked in the water until it started to cool down, his fingers wrinkling. When he finally pulled himself out of the water he couldn't help feeling guilty at how long he'd taken, meaning that ZaiWin wouldn't be able to enjoy a warm bath anymore.
Pulling his clean tunic over his head, which comfortably reached his knees, he silently padded his way back to the bed to find that ZaiWin hadn't moved an inch. Still with his eyes closed, his breathing slow and deep, he looked almost like a living statue made of pure, white stone.
Wavering between trying to wake him and leaving him be, he decided for the latter, not wanting to disturb him.
Looking at the bed, Snow quickly made his mind about his sleeping arrangements and, pulling one of the blankets free, he comfortably wrapped himself in it and lied on the hard, stone floor, sighing in contentment. He would have liked to have been able to see the night sky above his head, but this wasn't so bad either, he concluded, closing his eyes and falling asleep.
He woke up in the middle of the night with a startle, the rattling of chains echoing in his ears, the cold, painful bite of the metal still lingering on his ankles and wrists. And, for a moment, he almost believed his dream had come true, the soft surface beneath his body telling him he was back at lying on a bed. The large hand that hovered just in front of his eyes made his heart skip a beat. But then, instead of hurting him, it landed heavily on his head in a strangely familiar way, warm fingers digging their way to his scalp.
"Hush … go back to sleep …" a dragged voice mumbled right from in front of him and then nothing, silence falling over him.
Now that Snow was more awake he no longer had any doubts of where he was. And, even though he was somehow lying on the bed when he clearly remembered falling asleep on the floor, he was lying on his side, not on his back, and there were no chains or shackles to hold him there.
Slowly raising his head, Snow looked up at him.
Nox ZaiWin was deep asleep, his long, dark eyelashes casting shadows on his pale cheeks, his long, still damp hair spread like a dark halo around his head. Again, he looked incredibly young and deceivingly defenseless, his lips slightly parted, his breathing deep and heavy.
Apparently he had also bathed, Snow concluded, feeling the same sweet scent from the bathwater emanating from his hair. And, although he still wore his pants, as if he wished to be ready to leave at any moment, he had exchanged his dark, bloody tunic for the clean tunic that had been laid out for him. It was kind of strange, seeing him wear something other than black. It only increased that fake defenseless feeling that now lingered about him. And yet, like the tunic Snow also wore, the collar was wider than normal, allowing him to see a lot more naked skin than usual, especially the elegant curve of his neck and part of his shoulder.
Snow's gaze halted there, his heart beating suddenly faster.
He could probably manage to take a peek at his back, if he managed to raise the collar of his tunic just a bit. Unless his daitai were lower down on his back, he could probably get a glimpse of them.
Holding his breath, making sure he didn't move more than necessary, Snow slowly raised one shaky hand, driving it closer to him, the entire time checking ZaiWin's face for signs that he might be waking up.
With two fingers alone he grabbed the edge of ZaiWin's collar and slowly lifted it up, carefully averting his gaze to see if he could see the back of his shoulder.
His eyes widened in shock and disbelief. But then the hand that had been resting atop his head slid heavily to his face, covering his eyes and making his heart stop beating in fear that ZaiWin might have realized what he was trying to do. He immediately released his clothes and waited for the worst, but all he heard was another sleepy mumble.
"I said … go back to sleep …"
Lowering his hand, Snow didn't dare move again, not even to try and get rid of his new warm blindfold. And yet nothing could ever erase what he'd just seen from his mind.
Maybe he'd seen it wrong, he conjectured. After all, the light was dim, to say the least, and ZaiWin was lying with his back to the wall, which made it even harder to actually see anything. Not to mention that it had only been a quick peek, Snow went on, trying to rationalize things inside his head. Because what he had seen was nothing like what he had learned a daitai should look like, Zaiwin's pale skin covered in a mass of crisscrossed blackened lines.
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I never thought the day would come when I would say this. 😱 Bad, Bad Snow!!😁😁