The first thing he was aware of was the numbing pain on his shoulder. In fact, more or less, everything ached. But his right arm hurt annoyingly more than anything else. Maybe because he had been lying on it for far too long, he supposed. There was hardly anything new about that. He had woken up with a numb arm or leg, or some specific part of his body hurting more than the rest, more times than he could count. It was to be expected, when one spent his days chained to a bed. Like many other things, he had come to calmly accept that.
Still, it was exceptionally cold, he realized with a shiver, instinctively pulling his knees closer to his chest. He had never had much to wear or to cover himself with, and he was used to being cold the entire winter. But he couldn't remember ever feeling this cold. Not since a long time ago, when he had barely had a ceiling over his head. He could even hear the wind, whistling outside. And yet his hands were strangely warm, as was the top of his head.
Trying to get nearer to that pleasant source of heat, he snuggled closer to it, until his forehead finally touched something really warm that left a sigh in contentment on his lips. It also smelled really good, he realized, taking a deep breath. But then the warmth on his head moved, long fingers sliding through his hair, and Snow was immediately wide awake, eyes opened, fear crawling into his chest. Until his fragmented memories flooded his brain.
That's right, Snow thought, slowly relaxing. He knew that scent. He also knew the warm, heavy hand on his head. He had come for him ... And had done something really stupid. And Snow had given him his blood so that he wouldn't die. But why was he here, right now, alive and awake?
Slowly pulling himself away from that comforting warmth, Snow tilted back his head to look up at him, and ZaiWin's hand slid listlessly to the back of his head.
Was he asleep? It looked as if he were more than asleep. He hadn't even stirred when Snow had moved. Most of the times he had seen ZaiWin with his eyes closed, Snow had always had the sensation that he wasn't asleep at all, as if he could suddenly jump to his feet in the blink of an eye. But not now, Snow thought, raising a hand to touch his warm face. ZaiWin didn't even move, his large hand weighing heavily on his shoulder. If Snow had wanted him dead now was the perfect chance.
With a sigh, he tried to turn around, hoping to ease his pained arm. But a much worse, much scarier pain rippled across his entire back, immediately freezing him in place. That's right, he immediately recalled, his heart racing in fear. His daitai had been corrupted, their nature distorted, becoming similar to what he felt near those horrible things. And yet, even though they still burned, it was nothing compared to the unbearable pain he recalled feeling after he'd drunk that horrible medicine. Unless he was now so close to death that his senses had gone numb.
The sound of a deep breath left him immediately alert, and then ZaiWin's warm hand came back to life, his long fingers diving into his hair again, gently massaging his head.
"Don't move … Go back to sleep …" a slurred voice whispered just above his head and Snow looked up at him again. His facial expression remained exactly the same, and Snow couldn't help wondering if he was asleep or awake.
With his eyes closed, relaxed like that, Nox ZaiWin actually looked a lot younger and gentler than he really was, his long dark eyelashes casting small shadows on his pale face. But, even though he looked much easier to deal with like this, Snow still found himself feeling that there was something missing on that beautiful face.
"Quit staring … and sleep …"
Even though he had no doubts that he'd just talked, Snow still found himself staring in amazement at the strange sight of his lips moving. Without a thought, he raised his hand to touch them. Like before, when he had given him his blood, they felt incredibly warm, especially taking into account how cold it was in that place. And then those blue eyes were staring at him, and he quickly retrieved his hand, his cheeks burning from embarrassment.
"Does it still hurt …?"
He quickly shook his head and ZaiWin sighed.
"Try not to move too much … Don't try to feel them either … Just pretend they don't exist …" ZaiWin breathed and Snow looked up at him again.
He knew he wasn't doing all that well, but something was definitely something wrong with ZaiWin too. Like the sluggish way he spoke, as if he was trying very hard to remain awake. Or the way he hadn't moved at all, except for the hand still playing with his hair. Had Snow been unable to heal him? Was he still hurt?, he wondered urgently. And then he could feel it, the faint smell of blood.
"Are you hurt …?" he asked, his voice scraping against his dried throat, and the blue eyes that had been staring at him closed.
"Nothing serious …"
Nothing serious?! Without wasting time, Snow felt around his chest, looking for the place where that reckless, selfish man had stabbed himself to death.
"That one … is healed … I just scratched my leg. Don't worry …"
His leg?!
Snow tried to sit up to see what he meant, but the hand on his head quickly pushed him down again with a strength Snow could have sworn he didn't possess.
"Don't move …" ZaiWin whispered and pulled him closer to his body again, a warm breath cascading from the top of his head, making him go rigid again.
"What … are you doing …?"
"Just sleep …"
Snow remained quiet for a moment, but sleep was something he wasn't able to do. Not when he was so close to him. Not when he knew that he was hurt. Much less when he could feel that something just wasn't right.
Placing a hand against ZaiWin's chest, he pushed himself away from him again, or at least tried, since ZaiWin wouldn't allow him to move much, and whenever he tried to use a bit more of strength his back would immediately burn, which really scared him.
Don't try to feel them, he had told him, and Snow eagerly obeyed. He'd much rather pretend that his daitai didn't exist, than have to face what they had become. And yet, there he was, back to where he had been a few months ago. Worse even, since now he had no use whatsoever. The mere thought of that brought tears to his eyes. When he'd decided to drink that putrid liquid he had foreseen a few outcomes but, even though they had all been dark and depressing, he had never thought it would come to this.
"Why …? Why did you come for me …? I thought … I thought you wanted to get rid of me …"
ZaiWin took another deep breath and pulled him closer to his chest again.
"I did …"
"Then, why …?"
"Because I wanted to …"
His matter of fact, arrogant tone almost erased all of Snow's sadness, replacing it with a deep irritation. Had he been wrong about him all along? Had he wanted the power and prestige of being a Chosen One so badly that he would rather lose his life than give it up? But if that was so, why had he made a point of telling him, and everyone, else that they had to find a way to break that bond? Why had he glared at him with such hatred, treating him as if he couldn't care less whether he lived or died all that time? It just didn't make sense!
"That's right … Think it over yourself …" ZaiWin whispered again, gently caressing his hair. "Turn it around in your head … Hear with your own ears … See with your own eyes … Look for the answers you seek … and reach your own conclusions. That's way better than having someone else simply hand you an answer."
Snow lowered his head, inadvertently leaning against his chest since he had hardly any space to move, and took a deep breath.
Even with his eyes wide open, right now, all he could see was darkness. And, even though that hand was warm and comforting, it wasn't enough to push the cold away.
"What … do you intend to do now …?" he whispered and the top of his head became even warmer when ZaiWin sighed.
"I'll think about it later, when I wake up …"
Wasn't he awake right now, Snow wondered, but refrained from actually asking.
He didn't know what was wrong with ZaiWin but he did sound extremely tired. He wished he could at least heal his leg but, now that his daitai had been corrupted he wasn't sure he'd be able to do it, he was even afraid he might just make things worse. In fact Snow had been trying very hard not to think about that, but maybe ZaiWin was sick like this exactly because he had given him his blood. He himself was still feeling extremely sick, as if he'd eaten something he shouldn't, his insides constantly revolting, his mouth tasting horrible and bitter as if remnants of that dark substance still lingered on his tongue. They were both sick, he concluded in defeat, snuggling closer to his warm chest. And, even though he didn't know exactly how, they were linked to one another again. He could clearly feel it. And so, as long as he was sick, ZaiWin would be sick too. And as long as ZaiWin was sick, he would be sick as well. They would probably end up dying, Snow considered, but, the way he was now, there was nothing he could do about it.
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I know they're both sick. 😢 But at least they're together now 🥰️