The hands holding the reins in front of him lost their grip, slowly sliding away. Snow was just in time to grab them, covering them with his own, much smaller hands, making sure his long fingers closed around the leather strap. It wasn't as if Black would stop moving or start running, if ZaiWin didn't hold his reins, Snow realized next. He had been too well trained to behave unruly like that. But, somehow, Snow had gotten used to see those hands, firmly gripping the leather reigns in front of him, and seeing them lose their strength like that simply didn't look right.
ZaiWin's head bumped into his again, and Snow straightened his back, taking the weight of his shove.
He was barely awake, Snow knew. Peering over his shoulder to check up on him, Snow made sure to retain a more or less upright position, afraid ZaiWin might just fall off his horse.
ZenTar had been right. The moment ZaiWin had woken up, he'd ordered everyone to get ready to leave. He hadn't even allowed Snow to go back to that death area, although he had wanted to see if there was something he could do for the contaminated land. They had to get away from border lands as soon as possible, he'd told them. There was no way they would be able to withstand a second attack like that so soon. Regrettably, feeling sorry for all the dead trees and all the animals that would die in the future the moment they stepped into that tainted zone, Snow had been forced to comply.
They had been traveling since then. Midday had come and gone, and they still hadn't stopped. But now ZaiWin seemed to have finally reached his limit, his body leaning heavily on Snow's.
Looking ahead, Snow hoped ZenTar would take notice and order them to stop. Beside him, MenTar didn't look much better. Even though he wasn't wobbling on his saddle, his face was as white as paper. And HawkEye kept pressing his ribs, riding bent over himself, a pained grimace on his face. But, if ZenTar noticed any of that, he chose to ignore it. Only when the day was already edging its end did he finally signaled them to a halt.
With a deep breath of relief, ZaiWin slid down his saddle and had to hold to it for an instant, before he was sure his legs wouldn't betray him. Even though he was much better than he should have been, he still hurt all over, his muscles refusing to comply with his demands.
Raising his head, he looked up at the brat watching him with a worried expression, and he almost couldn't help smile at the irony. That the day would come when a stinky brat would actually look at him like that ...!
Raising his arms, he waited for him to lean over, since he clearly didn't have the strength to pull him off the saddle on his own.
Snow averted his gaze and obeyed his silent command. It wasn't as if he couldn't dismount by himself, he thought, gently placing his arms around ZaiWin's neck. It was true that in the beginning he'd been sacred of the horse, afraid of the height, afraid he might fall. But all that was in the past. By now he could probably even ride on his own. And besides, he had come to know Black considerably well, and was certain that he'd never do anything that could cause him to fall. But ZaiWin had always instead in helping him on and off Black's back. And somehow, refusing him now because he was clearly feeling weaker, didn't feel like the right thing to do, even if it would obviously spare him some extra pain. And so he did his best not to weigh on him too much, practically jumping down on his own. His sudden movement, however, caught ZaiWin off guard, forcing him to give a couple of steps back and to hold on to him so they wouldn't both fall.
Wrapped in his arms, with his own arms still around his neck, Snow slowly raised his head, fearing he would be yelled at again. He was sure that, at the very least, he was going to be the target of that hateful, cold glare. But he found none of that.
The blue eyes staring down at him looked tired and, somehow, sad, in a lonely, sorrowful way. A look Snow had never expected to see in his face.
As if he too was suddenly aware of that, ZaiWin looked away, and gently unhooked Snow's arms from around his neck. Simply stepping back, he dragged his feet all the way to the closest tree, where he sat down, his back against the wide trunk. Wrapping his cloak tightly around his chest, he leaned his head back and closed his eyes as if he'd simply fallen asleep.
Snow watched him for a long moment. First simply surprised by his silent, quiet demeanor. He was too accustomed to hear him bossing everyone around the moment they stopped, delegating tasks and remembering everyone of what had to be done. Then he couldn't help worrying, wondering if he had gotten worse, somehow. If he was in pain. If the darkness had returned. But no matter how much he worried about him, there wasn't much he could do. And he doubted very that ZaiWin would answer him, if he simply asked him if he was feeling unwell.
Maybe ZenTar would know, he considered, looking back and deciding to join he others, if nothing else to help them unload their horses.
"What's wrong with him?" MenTar asked in a low voice, stealing a peek at ZaiWin, still sitting where Snow had left him.
ZenTar hit him hard over the head, making him groan in pain.
"Why the heck do you keep hitting me, stupid brother?" MenTar immediately complained, rubbing the back of his head, and ZenTar gave him an angry glare.
"For the same reason you keep asking stupid questions! And if you have the time to worry about other people's business, go gather some wood for the fire. Alone!" he immediately added, since MenTar had already turned to Snow with a bright smile on his face.
MenTar frowned, a protest hanging from the tip of his tongue.
"No arguing! Go!!" ZenTar pointed imperiously towards the trees, and MenTar's frown deepened even more. Nevertheless, even though he kept grunting under his breath, he still turned and obeyed.
Watching him go, Snow took a deep breath of relief. He knew, by the way MenTar had been acting, that he probably didn't remember what had happened the night before, and so he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being more than a bit unfair. Even so, he didn't feel like being left alone with him so soon.
Grabbing his blankets, he joined HawkEye, who was already digging a shallow pit where they would set the wood MenTar was out there collecting.
"Want to peel these?" ZenTar asked, waving a bundle of potatoes in front of his eyes, and Snow immediately nodded, accepting the task. That he could do, he told himself, sitting down with a knife on his hands.
Buy the time he was finished, MenTar had already returned, obviously still angry at his brother.
A pot filled with water was hung over the fire.
Collecting the peeled and sliced potatoes he'd prepared, adding a few carrots, sliced radish and diced pumpkin, ZenTar threw everything into the boiling water and stirred. And Snow was left without anything to do again.
Normally, at that time, he'd be out there with ZiWin, practicing his daitai control. But now, stealing a peek at him, Snow knew that that wouldn't happen.
Well, he could still practice, he decided, sitting upright and closing his eyes. He couldn't learn how to control a new daitai without help, and he didn't want to startle the others by suddenly freezing the entire camp. But he could practice accessing each and every one of his daitai, until he could do it almost automatically.
To his satisfaction, he immediately concluded that he was completely recovered. One day. All he needed was one day, after he'd completely exhausted himself. He didn't know how long the others would need to recover but, somehow, one day didn't sound all that bad.
"Snow?"
Opening his eyes, he looked at the fuming bowl ZenTar was trying to hand him, large pieces of vegetables floating inside it. He didn't know exactly how long it had passed, but now it had gotten completely dark.
Accepting his bowl he couldn't help look back, towards the tree. And there he was, still in the same position, almost invisible amongst the dark shadows that surrounded him.
With a sigh, Snow looked back at his bowl and stood up, leaving the warmth of the fire to go to him.
"Do you think that's a good idea …?" he heard MenTar whisper, to which ZenTar tsked loudly.
"You be quiet! Mind your own business!" came the rough reply, even though Snow couldn't help agree with MenTar's fears.
He was probably right, he considered. He was probably going to be yelled at, scolded, at the very least ignored. Knowing all that, he prepared himself, looking down at ZaiWin's apparently sleeping face. Unlike the night before, however, now he was almost certain that he wasn't asleep.
Just to test himself, he knelt in front of him as easily as it should always be, his legs obeying his will without a single protest. He really wanted to curse at that!
With a new sigh, he stretched out his arm and held the bowl of hot soup right in front of ZaiWin's nose, hoping he wouldn't simply send it flying somewhere, which would obviously mean a horrible waste of perfectly good food.
Opening his eyes, ZaiWin looked at the bowl and, to Snow's relief, accepted it without a single word of complaint. Taking it to his mouth, he gave it a long sip.
Even though he was glad that ZaiWin hadn't shouted at him or spilled his delicious offering, now Snow had no idea of what to say or do again. He should probably go back and join the others, so that he too could eat. But, somehow, now that he'd gathered enough courage to get there, simply getting up and walking away seemed like a big waste.
"Hmm … are you feeling better …?" he asked awkwardly and ZaiWin nodded, his eyes fixed on the soup in front of him. "Want me to see if there's anything I can do …?"
"No need."
Snow lowered his gaze. He had expected that answer. What he hadn't expected was the cold, detached tone of his voice. Had he done something wrong?, the question almost left Snow's lips. But then, simply taking the initiative to talk at all was already a big issue for him. When the person he was trying to talk to was ZaiWin, he couldn't help feeling even more intimidated. And so, the capability of openly speaking his mind was something he constantly struggled to achieve. Well, at least he was eating. And he didn't look as tired as he'd looked during the day.
"Snow?"
Turning around, he was deeply thankful for ZenTar's waving hand, calling him back. And so he simply stood up and joined the others by the fire.
After they ate and packed all their things, they quickly started settling down for the night. They had spent the entire day on the road, and everyone was in need of a good night's sleep.
Hugging his blankets, Snow finally made his mind up, making his way back to the tree where ZaiWin was still sitting.
He didn't know why, but he had the feeling that he wouldn't be able to relax anywhere else. Probably because ever since they'd left the Fortress ZaWin had always spent the night sitting beside him. And, even though the mere thought of that annoyed him beyond words, he had probably gotten too used to his proximity.
Without a word, he wrapped himself in his blanket and lay down next to him.
He'd have to cut-off that recently discovered attachment of his, he told himself, lying on his side and pulling his knees up against his chest. But not that night. That night he too needed to sleep. He'd spent the entire day wide awake and alert, expecting the moment when he'd feel ZaiWin simply slip from his saddle, trying his best to support his weight every time he fell against him. Tomorrow, he told himself. Tomorrow he'd be certain to sleep as far away from him as possible.
He was almost asleep when a large, warm hand covered his head, lean fingers slowly running through his hair. And he could finally really relax, his eyes closing as he fell asleep.
_____________________________________________________________________________
It's Snow's turn to make sure he doesn't fall of his horse.😊