"And to think I was joking when I asked if you had somehow drowned as well," ZaiWin muttered ironically and Snow lowered his head.
"I'm sorry …"
"You know what? It's not like you can change what happened in your past, so stop with the freaking apologies already! Yeah, it sucks that you have to go through it again. And it sucks that I'm always getting dragged into your memories. But things simply are the way they are. And there's nothing you or I can do about it! So if you really want to apologize about something, apologize for the fact that you decided to kneel at my feet!" he said it all in one breath and Snow urgently looked up at him.
"I never intended to kneel at your feet! I don't even remember doing it! All I remember is that dark box, and the smell of blood. Of being unable to breathe, and all that screaming! And then there was this bright light and I couldn't see or hear anything. I thought I was dead! And then, amongst all that painful, bright light there was …" his urgent voice stumbled and he nervously chewed down on his lip.
Darkness, ZaiWin completed his sentence in his mind.
"Well, none of that matters anyway. You may not remember, but you did kneel in front of me!" he openly declared. Somehow, the fact that the damn brat had actually erased the whole thing from his mind kind of irked him. "And since what's done is done, all we can do now is move forward! Besides, I was the one who told you to learn how to control your markings. It was my idea. I'm not about to give up just because things aren't as easy as I initially thought they would be. Are you?"
Snow immediately shook his head, his pale eyes firm and unwavering.
"I don't want to give up either!"
"Then that's that," ZaiWin decided, finally getting up, extending him a helping hand and easily pulling him to his feet as well. For an instant Snow still wobbled a bit, but it didn't take him long to find his bearings.
"Well, I know you've just almost drowned and all, but we should probably get you cleaned up before we go back to camp," ZaiWin decided, giving him a critical look since his hair and back were covered in mud.
Snow nodded obediently, gathering his clothes, and ZaiWin pulled his cloak over the brat's bare back before he undid his dark dome.
Snow followed him all the way back to the small stream they had been following south for the past few days. Once they reached it, he carefully settled his clothed on a clean rock and took out his boots and pants, before he stepped into the water.
After the ice, cold water of the river from his memories, the fresh water that caressed his skin actually felt comfortable. And so he carefully made his way over the slippery stones that paved the bottom of the stream, until he reached a dip enough area that allowed him to fully immerse his body. Diving under water, he scrubbed his hair clean of the mud that had already started to dry, making him itchy all over. And so he couldn't help sigh in relief once he finally returned to the surface.
Even though they were still a few nights away from the full-moon, the moon hanging in the dark sky just above his head still granted more than enough light to allow him to clearly see the world around him. And so he could allow himself to relax, at least until he suddenly recalled he wasn't alone.
By ZaiWin's directives, Snow was always careful to bath when no one else was around, which normally meant a quick dive whenever he was sure everyone else was otherwise busy, before he was quickly back inside his clothes. Now, turning around, he couldn't help feeling embarrassed at the sight of the dark presence watching him from dry land, as ZaiWin patiently waited, leaning against a tree. Lowering himself further, Snow hid himself underwater all the way up to his nose.
Well, it wasn't as if he had never seen him naked before, he reminded himself, trying to rationalize the embarrassing situation. As far as he knew, they had all seen him completely naked, ZaiWin and ZenTar more than once. There was nothing to be ashamed of, he told himself, wanting very much that it were true, trying his best to ignore how his cheeks quickly heated up as he stepped out of the water.
Pushing himself away from the tree, ZaiWin met him halfway, quickly placing his cloak over his shoulders and wrapping it tightly around his wet body, while he rubbed his arms and back.
"It's going to get wet!" Snow protested, trying to escape his hands, but ZaiWin pulled the hood over his head and proceeded to rub his hair.
"It will dry overnight." And it was no use arguing any more than that, Snow knew by his short, final tone. So he just stood there, allowing him rub his head until he was apparently satisfied.
"Get dressed."
Finally released from his huge hands and from the heavy cloak, Snow made his way back to where he'd left his clothes, quickly pulling them on. With a second thought, he touched his practically dried hair, now standing in every direction, and tried to rearrange it. As if it weren't bad enough that its color was obvious abnormal, it was also naturally as unruly and and messy as a bird's nest. Thinking about that, he was really envious of ZaiWin's long, smooth hair, he thought, looking back at him, at the way his long ponytail fell like black silk down his back. And suddenly he remembered how soft it had felt around his fingers, and he couldn't help blush in embarrassment again. He had really made a full of himself, he concluded with a sigh.
"Let's go."
Raising his head to look up at him again, Snow saw that he was already on the move, and so he quickly rushed to keep up with ZaiWin's much wider pace.
Watching him walk in front of him, the secure and elegant way he moved, Snow couldn't help wondering about that other thing.
On one occasion or another, by now Snow had been able to take a glimpse at everyone's backs but his.
Back in the village, MenTar had frequently walked around bare-chested, since he had been helping the villagers doing a lot of hard work, carrying all sorts of heavy things. And he had caught sight of ZenTar and HawkEye changing clothes on more than one occasion. Even VinWei had shown him her markings, since he had never seen anyone's daitai before and had no real idea of what they were all talking about. MenTar and ZenTar's backs were equally covered in complex, white patterns, though ZenTar seemed to have more markings than MenTar. VinWei's, on the other hand, were of a pale-blue color, and were clearly different from the two brother's, being less swirly and more angular. HawkEye had none, his back completely clean, the way Snow had always thought backs were supposed to be; the way Sand's back had been. But ZaiWin … he had never even seen him take off his coat, much less undress.
Since the beginning, ZaiWin had specifically told him that he should never show his back to anyone. And even though he now understood why that was especially needed in his case, he had also thought that people with daitai preferred to keep them private. But then, by the way MenTar had walked around completely unconcerned with the fact that everyone could see his daitai, and seeing that none of the others had even brought it up, Snow had concluded that that wasn't necessarily the case.
So he had come to understand that he had to keep his daitai hidden because he was a Celestial. Because his daitai had the shape of wings. But that need didn't apply to other people. Other people could freely show them without concern. But then, if that was the case, what was the person walking in front of him hiding on his back?
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Careful, careful! Curiosity killed the cat! 😸