The damned brat's 'it's nothing' from the previous night turned out not to be nothing at all.
Sure, ZaiWin had noticed he'd spent the entire day fidgeting more than usual, flinching every time their bodies so much as brushed against one another while they'd been on horseback, but he'd attributed his odd behavior to the fact that he'd gone as far as to forcibly kiss him. Looking at him now, he could only gape in disbelief.
Blushing all the way to his ears, Snow quickly pulled down his tunic, urgently covering himself. He'd been in pain the entire day but, since there hadn't been one single mark on him the night before, he had simply assumed that there wouldn't be any visible marks, period.
"What the …"
Snow quickly avoided getting caught by the slender but incredibly strong hand that reached out for him and stepped back.
"It's nothing."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" ZaiWin demanded angrily, and Snow took another step back.
And why was he getting angry again? He hadn't done anything wrong! He had even gathered all his courage and followed him, ready to try one more time, even though he was sure he'd get stuck inside his memories again.
"How did you get all beaten up?"
"I didn't."
ZaiWin's scowl made him quickly try to explain himself, before he could start shouting again.
"I didn't. It's from yesterday. From what I … saw."
ZaiWin closed his mouth, looking surprised, and then frowned.
"From what you saw? From what the marking showed you?"
Snow simply nodded but ZaiWin shook his head in denial.
"That's not possible. If you had been thrown into the air or something when you lost control, that would be an entirely different matter. But I clearly saw that nothing happened to you!"
"Nothing happened to me … Nothing real, anyway. That's why there's nothing to worry about."
"You're blue and purple all over!" ZaiWin countered angrily again, and Snow squeezed the tunic over his chest, as if that could assure him that it will remain in place.
"It's fine. You said it yourself. I just have to suck it up, right?"
Nox ZaiWin blinked in disbelief.
Yes, he had said that. But he hadn't meant it that way! He had wanted him to stop throwing a tantrum just because things hadn't gone his way! He hadn't meant for him to silently endure a freaking beating! That brat was just too damn literal!
With a sigh, he forced himself to calm down a bit, hoping to look less menacing.
"Let me see."
The refusal was immediate, the brat shaking his head while he desperately held on to his tunic.
"Come here and let me see. Don't make me chase you and undress you by force," he simply stated but, even though he hadn't sounded threatening at all, the brat lowered his head in resignation and obeyed.
ZaiWin watched him as he undressed, his hands shaking nervously, which didn't make any sense. He'd seen him bare-chested more times than he could count. What difference did it make the color of his skin?
As he'd figured from what little he'd been able to glimpse before, he was bruised all over. Chest, belly, even his back, the pearly lines now flowing through dark purplish pools. Having taken more than a few beatings himself, he knew all too well that the damn brat had to be in a lot of pain.
"Sit down."
Once more Snow obeyed, and ZaiWin fished a green crystal from the pouch VinWei had left with him, sitting down in front of him.
"This won't be able to completely heal you, but it will make it a lot better. It will hurt, though," he warned and simply pressed the crystal against the largest bruise on his chest.
Snow winced and cringed, but didn't try to pull away, biting down his lower lip to make sure he didn't utter a single sound.
By the time ZaiWin was done, a thin sheen of sweat covered Snow's entire chest and back, his silver hair sticking to his forehead, his skin unusually warm. But at least the bruises were now mostly pale green, as if it had all happened several days ago.
"Now. What happened?"
Obviously tired, Snow took a deep breath before replying.
"It didn't show me its nature, like the others," he whispered. "It showed me memories …"
"Memories?!"
"Of when I was a child …"
That was new, ZaiWin considered. But then again Celestials were fundamentally different from other people.
"Okay … When I think about it, it actually makes sense," he supposed. "According to VinWei, your ice markings come from what you experienced until the age of six. You weren't born with them. Maybe those memories you saw are directly connected to why they came to be, to their nature. But what does that have to do with all these bruises?"
"In that memory I was beaten up by some kids …" he whispered again, averting his gaze, clearly embarrassed.
"You were beaten up? Why?"
The brat simply shook his head.
Well, it wasn't as if all the beatings he'd taken had had a plausible reason behind them either, ZaiWin recalled bitterly. But still … If he had been less then six at the time, he'd only been a little kid, he considered looking at him. Who would have the heart to beat up such a small child like that? It was a miracle he had survived at all.
"Were you alone?"
Snow nodded.
"Were you alone a lot?"
Another nod.
"Sand was always working … or looking for food. I tried to help, but everyone just walked away. They never even looked at me."
Well, someone had obviously looked at him, ZaiWin thought studying his still visible bruises. They had looked at him and had beaten the living crap out of him.
"These beatings. Did they happen a lot?" he wanted to know. He had expected that the damn brat hadn't led an easy life. ZaiWin hadn't led an easy life either. But at least he had been more or less sheltered until he'd turned six years of age. How old had the brat been back then?
Snow shook his head.
"No. I was always careful not to cross their path. But that day … it was just too cold. I thought I was going to freeze to death. I got distracted and I couldn't run away in time."
ZaiWin took a deep breath and placed a comforting hand on his head. The soft touch of his smooth hair somehow always helped him relax as well. For a moment he just played distractedly with the silver, rebellious locks of hair that surrounded his hand. It had gotten much longer, he noticed, allowing it to slide between his fingers.
So his childhood had sucked real time, ZaiWin concluded. But none of that explained why something that had happened so long ago could physically manifest itself in the present.
"Any other accidents I should know about?" he suddenly asked, looking him in the face, and the brat frowned, unable to understand. "You know. Beatings, stabbings, drownings. Anything else happened to you while you were a kid?"
"I … I don't remember much of it," Snow admitted. "Even what I saw. I had completely forgotten all about it. That bridge, or those kids, even the cold and the pain …"
Because he'd spent the following ten years of his life in a freaking drugged haze, ZaiWin knew. And maybe that's why he was being force to relieve those things, he considered. Those markings were the product of episodes of his life. Their nature was rather ruthless, violent even, and so he could easily guess that they weren't the product of any warm, fuzzy, happy experiences. And yet the brat had forgotten all about what had originated them, forgotten all about their true meaning, reason why he couldn't control them.
Releasing a deep sigh, ZaiWin could already foresee that their next training sessions wouldn't be pleasant or easy. He would probably have to go through it all over again. All the pain and suffering he'd been through has a child. All the pain and suffering that had been left embedded in beautiful, graceful lines all over his back.
"I won't lie to you. Gaining control over your ice markings won't be easy. And you'll probably be in a lot of pain. Maybe even worse than yesterday," he openly declared and the brat looked up at him, those weird eyes absorbing his every word.
"These memories you're seeing, they are the reason why your markings exist today. They are their origin and the reason why they are what they are. You'll have to relive them all, and try to understand how they're connected to each marking. You can't allow yourself to simply relieve your memories as if you were back to being a child again. Do you understand? You have to relieve them but, at the same time, pull yourself away from the memory. Accept that it all happened a long time ago, and search for the true reason why you were led to that specific moment."
Snow was staring at him with such serious expression on his face that ZaiWin simply sighed.
Sure, he had been a kid back then. But he was still a kid even now. And the a-long-time-ago he'd just mentioned couldn't have been much longer than a dozen or so years ago.
"We can stop, if you want," he finally conceded. "I can try and find a way to seal them for the time being. Even though I don't have the slightest idea of how it's done, I know it can be done. That way you wouldn't have to worry about loosing control again."
"No!"
ZaiWin looked back at him and was stunned for a moment. There it was again, that unwavering, unmoving determination.
"I want to be able to control them. They are my markings. My responsibility, like you said. It's true that I was scared. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to come back. I was afraid … I had dreamed my present life, and that I was still that small, defenseless child. I don't want to be defenseless anymore!" he clearly declared. "Those other markings, they allow me to help a lot of people. But they can't help me defend myself from taking a beating! These ice ones can!"
Yes, he was no mindless doll, that was for sure. And ZaiWin couldn't avoid the inner alert that sounded inside his head.
He was, unquestionably, teaching the damn brat how to wield the most deadly weapons a person could hold. And there was nothing to stop him from turning those same weapons against him in the future. In fact, he'd already done a pretty good job of turning one of those helping-markings into a rather gruesome death trap, he recalled, the sight of all those feimao perfectly impaled by those overgrown trees still fresh in his memory.
He had always known that Celestials were deceiving, dangerous beings, and he would never trust their holy, innocent faces even if his life depended on it. But this brat … somehow he was different. He didn't try to look innocent and sanctimonious like the rest of them. His expressions were honest to a fault. And ZaiWin couldn't help feeling a bit excited at the prospect of teaching him what he wanted to know, of seeing how far he could go, even if that meant that he was raising a future enemy to be reckoned with.
"Very well, then. But not tonight." He raised a hand to silence the protest already forming on Snow's lips. "You'll have to go back, you know? And to go through another beating. You're still bruised all over. And I can't afford getting you so beaten up that you won't be able to ride in the morning," he added and the brat immediately gave up on his arguments.
"If you want to practice, practice your other markings. Since you're able to control them fairly well, try giving them different shapes, different purposes. Try making them into something you can easily use."
"Like your sword?"
The question surprised him for a moment, but ZaiWin ended up nodding.
"Something like that, yes. You can establish different degrees, for a marking's manifestation. Back in the village you were always interacting with large areas, large surfaces. But imagine you want to interact with a single object. Doing things like you did back there will only mean uselessly wasting your energy. So try and make it small and precise like my sword, for when you need to act over a specific target. It's a matter of economy, which in turn translates into endurance. I haven't fainted from over-exerting myself in a long time."
Snow blushed embarrassedly, since that was clearly what had happened to him, twice.
Closing his eyes, he focused on his new task.
He decided to start by defining a shape. A sword was all sharp and strong-looking, but he couldn't easily conjure it in his mind. Maybe because he hadn't seen many swords in his life, not to mention that he had never even held one. No. He had to find an easier shape, something he was comfortably familiar with, something that could effortlessly pop into his head. And the first image that came to mind were small, light snowflakes; the way they floated as they descended from the sky.
As a child, he had hated the cold. But it had somehow entered him, becoming an undeniable part of his life, of his being. He knew the whole of him was actually huge contradiction, starting with his name, but he might as well accept things as they were. He was trying to learn how to control a big part of who he was. Denying it, no matter how incongruent it might be, would only make things even harder for himself. And so a snowflake was just perfect, he decided, holding the image in his mind.
Now all he had to do was to activate his markings, imbue them with a specific purpose, and bend them to the size and shape he had envisioned. A snowflake was small and light, easy enough to command and direct, so he was sure he wouldn't have any problems there.
ZaiWin leaned back on his hands. For a change there was nothing for him to do, and so he simply watched in silence.
The brat had come a long way, in such short amount of time. His ability to focus, pushing the entire world around him out of his thoughts, was simply amazing. ZenTar had had to slap him over the head repeatedly, until he was able to simply sit still like that, much less focus on what had to be done.
For a moment they just sat there, but then a small golden flicker captured his attention.
Leaning forward, ZaiWin couldn't help stare in amazement. Was this brat for real?! All he had to do was explain things once, and there it was, right before his eyes.
The small sparkle slowly starched and bent, until it formed a small, delicate, golden snowflake.
ZaiWin couldn't stop himself from smiling, as the brat made it spin and then fly around him, obviously testing his control over it. He didn't know which marking Snow was using, which meant he couldn't tell which effect it would have, but by the way it glowed it was clear that it was strongly imbued with power.
A snowflake, ZaiWin told himself, still smiling. It was just like him, to openly admit and openly embrace his own weakness.
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My little Snow is a genius! 😊 ZaiWin, just be grateful that I've given you such a nice and cute Tien'Elhar and be nice to him! Or I'll get mad!! 😠