Chapter 12. Clarity
MATAMANG tinitigan si Christine ni Dale, mukhang nag-iingat ito dahil baka sumakit na naman ang kanyang pakiramdam. Ngunit hindi niya maipagkakaila ang pangingislap sa mga mata nito
"Magbihis ka na, I'll just take a shower, too," bilin nito at dumiretso sa banyo.
Matapos ng kalahating minuto ay lumabas na ito sa banyo, nakatapis lamang ng tuwalya ang ibabang bahagi ng katawan nito. He walked casually and went to the walk-in closet like it's a natural thing to do. Nang lumabas ito ay naka-maong pants na ito ngunit wala pa ring suot na pang-itaas. Nahuli siya nitong nakatitig at mabilis nag-iwas. She swallowed hard and pretended to fix the zipper of her top. It's a sleeveless cropped top that has a zipper at the back.
"Let me..." He zipped her top. Halos mapasinghap siya nang magdainti ang balat nito sa may batok siya. Ipinagsawalang-bahala niya iyon at hinarap ito.
"I said I remember you now, Dale." Pilit niyang ibinabalik ang usapan kanina.
"Kumain ka muna. Alam kong nagugutom ka na," iwas nito at binalingan ang tray na nasa bedside table.
"Dale!" Naiinis na tawag nito.
"We need to go back to the hospital, Christine. I don't want to compromise your health. I know that your memories are coming back," seryosong sambit nito.
"But—"
"And I'm glad that you remember me now, baby," putol nito sa sasabihin niya at maingat na tinitigan siya. A ghost of smile formed on his lips.
"Walang masakit sa 'kin, Dale. I'm okay. Hindi pumipitik ang ulo ko."
"I know. But still I don't want to risk." Kinuha nito ang tray ng pagkain at lumakad papuntang veranda. Instinctively, she followed him. Pagkalapag nito sa round table ng hawak na tray ay hinarap siya nito. "You don't know how happy I am that you remember everything now," he murmured. "But... damn!"
"Damn what?"
"Why did you choose Mark over me? You left me behind, Christine. You were so angry and I didn't even know why."
Naningkit ang kanyang mga mata sa agarang hayag nito. Nakita niya sa mga mata nito ang pinaghalong galit at sakit.
"I..." hindi siya makaapuhap ng mga salita. Ilang sandali pa ay nagsalita siya, "I was hurt, Dale. You don't know the pain you inflicted to me. Pinuntahan mo ako sa Italy na parang walang nangyari sa pagbisita ko sa iyo," lakas-loob niyang ganti rito.
"I didn't know then. I was too drunk and helpless," nasasaktang sagot nito. "I couldn't sleep at night because I'm worried about you. I shouldn't have let you go alone. You even met another guy while you were studying."
"Mark was my friend," she defended. "But... you went to Italy?" naguguluhang tanong niya.
"I know. I fucking know but I can't stop myself from being fucking jealous. Yes, I went to see you because I really miss you but I couldn't even show up myself to you when I visited you there." Marahang napasabunot ito sa buhok.
"W-What do you mean?" naguguluhan siya.
"I went to visit you countless times," he confessed. "And most of those times, you were with him. I couldn't even go near to you because I was afraid you won't accept me in your life anymore. And I thought you've forgotten me. And I promise myself I'll show up at your graduation..." madiin na sabi nito habang hindi inaalis ang tingin sa kanya.
Nagulat siya sa isiniwalat nito. Oo nga't sinabi niyang huwag siya nitong susundan. But God knows how she didn't mean to say that. That she also wanted to be with him. Napabuntong-hininga siya. She felt guilty because she didn't know she let him feel all of those awful feelings. Unti-unti siyang lumapit dito.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know." Humikbi siya.
"I had sleepless nights, baby. And sleeping pills helped me during those times. Nang pinuntahan kita, kasama mo na naman siya. I went home without you. And when you came back, you didn't want talk to me. You didn't even let me go inside your house. Damn! I didn't know I'd have to wait again. Akala ko, pagkatapos mong mag-aral matatapos na ang pahihintay ko, Christine. But I was wrong. Because... what? You already have a boyfriend." He sounded devastated. "And when I saw you again, you don't remember me anymore."
Mas lalo siyang napahikbi dahil nasaktan niya ang taong mahal niya.
"Fuck! Don't mind what I said. I'm sorry... Please hush now. Calm yourself. Ayokong mabigla ka. Natatakot ako na baka kalimutan mo na naman ang lahat," alu nito at hinagkan ang kanyang noo. "I should have restrained myself..."
"I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry, Dale. I'm really sorry."
"Please stop crying. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have vent o— shit!" natatarantang alu nito. "Let's go back to the hospital. Baby, please, hush now," pakiusap nito. "I love you, baby. Don't think of anything else. I love you," namamaos na usal nito.
Tahimik na humikbi siya rito. She promise she won't run away anymore. She will never block her memories again and she will fight for her rights. She will save herself and go back to the arms of the man she loves.
I won't forget our memories and love. Please wait for me.
"IKAKASAL ka na, Nurse Chen?" bulalas ni Christine nang makita ang nurse sa ospital. Pagkabalik nila ni Dale ay agad siyang i-t-in-est para makasigurong magaling na siya. Ngunit kailangan pa raw niyang mag-stay ng dalawang-araw para makapagpahinga ng maayos. Dale insisted she'll stay in his condo but she refused. Inaayos na rin nito ang ilang papeles para ma-discharge na siya agad in two days.
"Yes, he's getting married. Don't get your hopes high, baby," sabad ni Dale na kalalabas lang mula banyo. Katatapos lang nitong magbihis. Dito na rin sa ospital ito naglagi dahil gusto nitong mabantayan siya ng maayos.
Natatawang nailing siya. "Of course, nagulat ako, he's been my nurse for the past months, friends na kaya kami," paliwanag niya. Nurse Chen sheepishly smiled.
"Masaya talaga ako na naaalala mo na ang lahat. And I'm glad that Nurse Jana got what she deserves, too."
"Chen," mababang saway ni Dale.
Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa mga ito.
"Oops! She still doesn't know, Doc? Teka pala, hinihintay na ako ni Demi. Mauna na ako. Bye, Christine!" Pagkuwa'y lumabas na ito.
"Ano'ng ibig sabihin no'n, Dale?" pagtataka niya.
"Don't think too much. Baka makasama sa 'yo."
"Magaling na ako! You should know better."
"Alright. Don't get angry to me. I'll tell you why." Bahagya itong lumapit sa kama niya para i-check ang swero.
Napangisi siya. Kung ganid siguro siya ay mapapaikot niya sa kanyang mga kamay si Dale.
"Why are you smiling?" naniningkit na tanong nito. Napamura ito nang mapagtanto na hindi naman talaga siya galit.
"Seriously though, baby. What happened?" She grabbed his right arm and pulled out her pa-cute card.
Nakita niyang napangisi si Dale. "Damn, you really know how to get me," he murmured then he sighed. "Nurse Jana was Mark's accomplish. He ordered her to let you intake some aphrodisiacs. That explains why your sex drive heightened during those times she was your nurse. But, damn, baby, I'd be willing to take your heat off, you know," he said mischievously.
"Damn it, Dale! Be serious!" singhal niya ngunit alam niyang namumula na siya. Tumikhim ito at sumeryoso.
"And those guys you were with when you first came here, were their accomplishes, too," dagdag nito.
"I knew nothing was wrong to me except the fact that I can't remember everything. Pero akala ko kasi'y hindi ako paniniwalaan 'pag pinilit ko na normal ako," maliit ang boses na sambit niya.
"You're not crazy. You just blocked everything," sabad pa nito. Ngumuso siya. "I did hypnosis to you," pag-aamin nito.
"But why?"
"I was just hoping you'd open up if I try to do that."
"I didn't lie when I said I didn't remember my past."
"I know. But you lied about your actions, though."
It's a fact. Ilang beses kasi siyang nag-exaggerated ng kilos upang hindi mahalata ng mga ito na normal siya. Gaya nga ng sabi ni Dale, hindi siya ligtas kung maiiwan siyang mag-isa sa kanyang bahay kaya mas pinili niyang magpakabaliw para hindi ma-discharge sa mental. Napailing siya. Hindi naman pala niya kailangang magpanggap lalo pa't in-inisist naman na ni Dale ang paglalagi niya sa ospital. He even paid for the VIP hospital suite for her, days after she's confined. Ang akala pa naman niya ay galing sa kanya ang mga pinambabayad doon.
"You're not a good actress. I saw through your lies."
Sinamaan niya ito ng tingin. Tumikhim itong muli at halata ang pagpipigil mg ngisi.
"So now, you see, I was the one who insisted you stay here, too. Even with your pretensions, okay ka, hindi ka dapat narito. Nagpresinta akong maging attending psychiatrist mo," pagseseryoso nito. "Para mabantayan kita. Hindi kita pwedeng i-discharge dahil alam kong uuwi ka sa bahay mo. Your life is in danger so I can't let you go. I can't let you in my condo, too. Hindi mo nga ako kinakausap. I can't with the mansion, too. Baka malaman ng mom mo," mahabang paliwanag nito. "I just really can't let go of you again," anas nito.
Nakakaunawang tumango siya. "Oh, that explains why," aniya. "I mean, my room. Noong nilipat ako, nagtaka ako na bakit parang hindi naman ito hospital room. Then I thought na ganito talaga rito. Ang mahal siguro ng suite na 'to."
Tumango ito, "But I won't let you stay here anymore, Christine. You'll be with me in my condo. Or let's buy a house."
Tinampal niya ang kamay nito. At umupo naman ito sa tabi niya. "I hired an investigator. I know everything now," mababang hayag nito sa kanya. Hindi na ata matatapos ang mga sinisiwalat nito.
"Inaantok na ako," nagbaba siya ng tingin.
"No, I know what you're thinking. We need to talk about it," kontra nito.
You really see through my lies, huh?
"I didn't know what happened during the funeral," basag nito sa katahimikan. Suminghap siya. Kahit matagal na ay masakit pa rin pala.
"I was hospitalised. I should've been for two weeks but I insisted to get out during the funeral. Kaso natagalan ng kaunti dahil pinakalma ko muna si lola, kagagaling lang niyang bakasyon noon," esplika nito. Kaya pala hindi nakipaglamay ang lola nito noon. Napapikit siya ng mariin at nang magmulat siya ay sinalubong siya ng nag-aalalang mukha nito.
"I'm alright. Go on," bulong niya.
"I only knew then that your stepfather was the culprit. Kaya siya lang ang pinakulong ko."
"I thought Mona put her dad in jail?"
"No, they wanted to bail him out. But I made sure to make his crime not bailable."
"You did all of that while you're at the hospital?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya.
"Through connections." Ngumisi ito. "I know you're grieving. That's why I forgave you when you hadn't even visited me." Walang hinanakit ang pagkakasabi nito.
"I'm sorry..." bulong niya.
"No, I'm sorry I wasn't with you. I'm sorry I let you feel all the pain alone," pag-aalu nito.
Umiling siya. "I was weak. I'm sorry I left. But I want you to know how you made me feel alive when you followed me in Manila."
Suminghap ito.
"You gave me hope, Dale."
He embraced her. "Ang sarap pakinggan na sinasabi mo iyan." Hinalikan nito ang kanyang noo. "You're my strength, baby," namamaos na bulong nito.
"You're my strength, too."
"If I am your strength, how come your first boyfriend wasn't me?"
Kumalas siya sa yakap nito at pinaningkitan ito ng mata. "Are we gonna fight over this again?"
He chuckled. Tinampal niya ang braso nito. "Damn jealousy," sambit pa nito.
"Damn jealousy," panggagaya niya rito. "You didn't know how you killed me when I heard you moaned while someone is ridin—" Hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin dahil hinigit siya muli nito at niyakap.
"Don't think about that anymore. I'd be damned if you're hurt again. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." alu nito sa pagitan ng marahang paghaplos sa kanyang likuran at paghalik sa ulunan. Tumikhin ito pagkatapos. "That night, I was having a dream that it was you..." Sa sobrang gulat ay naitulak niya ito. Ngunit tila naghihina ito at napahiga sa kama. Dahil magkadikit pa ang kanilang katawan ay bahagya siyang natumba rito. Mabilis na umupo siya at inayos ang sarili.
Narinig niyang marahas na napaungol ito nang kumilos siya. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang mapagtanto ang posiyon nila. Nakaupo siya sa ibabaw nito, malapit sa puson ng lalaki. Akmang aalis siya nang hilahin siya nito. Mabuti na lamang ay mabilis niyang naitukod ang mga kamay.
"Christine..." his hoarse voice.
Parang lalo siyang napaso nang maramdaman niya ang mainit at amoy mint na hininga nito sa kanyang pisngi. Unti-unti niya itong hinarap at siniil ng halik. Mabilis lamang iyon. Pagkuwa'y tinitigan niya ang mga mata nito. They're leveling their eyes with equal desire. Wala sa sariling pinaglandas niya ang dila sa kanyang ibabang labi at hinalikang muli ang binata. Mas malalim kaysa sa halik na iginawad niya kanina. Parehas silang hinihingal nang putulin iyon.
Umayos siya nang upo at napaungol na naman ang binata. She felt him into her core even with their clothings. She subconsciously grinded that made him groan more. Napasinghap siya at tinitigang muli ang nag-aalab na mga mata nito.
"Dale..."
Sa isang iglap ay nagkapalit sila ng posisyon. Pumaibabaw ito sa kanya.
"Please..." she begged for more.
"May swero ka pa," pagdadahilan nito. But she knows he didn't mean it.
"Christine, maid of honor kita, ah! Dinalhan—"
Mabilis na naitulak niya si Dale nang marinig ang boses na iyon ni Nurse Demi.
"Goodness gracious!" bulalas nito. Hindi man lang natinag si Dale kahit tinulak niya ito. Pero ito na rin mismo ang lumayo at umupo sa kama. "I'm sorry, I didn't know! Labas muna ako. Babalik na lang ako tomorrow for more chika. Bye, Christine! Enjoy your whole night! I won't tell anyone, promise," natatarantang paalam ni Nurse Demi bago lumabas ng pinto. Mabilis na tinakpan niya ang mukha gamit ng kanyang mga palad.
"Nakakahiya!" singhal niya ngunit napakislot siya nang bumukas muli ang pinto.
"I'll just lock the door. Baka makalimutan ninyo na naman, eh." Nakadungaw si Nurse Demi, nanunuksong tiningnan siya at ni-lock na ang pinto.
Wala sa sariling napalingon siya kay Dale at nararamdaman niya pa rin ang init nito. Maging siya ay hindi pa rin kumakalma ngunit hindi niya aaminin iyon! Nginisian siya nito nang mapansing nakatitig siya sa ebidensya kung bakit alam niyang nag-iinit pa ito.
"You just made one of my dreams come true, baby," puno ng pagnanasang usal nito. "Soon you'll ride me for real."
Mabilis na tumalikod siya at tinakpan ang mukha gamit ng palad niya. Narinig niyang humalakhak si Dale at tumayo sa kama.
"I need a cold shower again." Iyon lamang at narinig niya na ang pagbukas at pagsara sa pinto ng banyo. Pinilit niyang makatulog ngunit naririnig niya ang lagaslas ng tubig.
"Mag-shower na rin kaya ako?" bulong niya. Tila tuksong nagbalik naman sa kanyang isipan kung paano siya pumaibabaw rito kanina at kung paano niyang naramdaman ito.
"Samahan ko na kaya siya?" suhestisyon niya sa sarili. Namula siya at mabilis na kinastiguhan ang sarili.
"Makatulog na nga!"