"Aww man it's so damn hot out today." I said. "Why do people wear shirts? Aren't they dumb? Shirts have done nothing but torture populations since the dawn of man!"
Me?
My name is Darkedgelordminecraftnoobxboxplayer42069 and my last name is LmaoripXXTentasionXDXD. It's a bit of a generic name but I make do. Currently, I am running late to school due having overslept.
"What the fuck are you talking about about, Dark? Shirts aren't bad at all. They protect us, why would you even say that?" asked my best friend, K. That's his name, K. I dunno what drugs his parents were taking when they named him a letter but he's a cool and really popular guy. The kind of guy that's good at everything-
Suddenly, K wasn't there any more. Neither was the ground beneath my feet. Nor was there any sound. At that moment, all that remained was a beautiful blue sky. As I was enamoured with its beauty, I was reminded of my humanity by the pain that came from me hitting the asphalt.
Apparently, while I was lost in thought of how amazing my amazingly irrelevant friend is, I walked in the middle of the road and got hit by a truck.
I could hear K's footsteps as he rushed to my side. I guess he's a bit panicked, huh? Wait, why am I not?
"Oh god, Darkedgelord..... shit, I forgot the rest of your name. Are you alright? Do you need me to kiss your ouchies?"
... This fucker can even find the time to joke around while I'm about to die. That's great. glad to know at least someone's having fun. You're just a stupid letter, K.
I think my jaw is broken up because I can't open my mouth to respond to him. All I could do was slowly raise my arm in the air, as the sun seemed to shine and bless every action I did and raise my middle finger at K, before everything began to go dark...
....
...
"Wake up. Darkedgelordminecraftnoobxboxplayer42069, Wake up!"
Suddenly, I heard a voice in the darkness. A beautiful blue orb seemed to appear out of nowhere and began to talk to me. Naturally, I was completely shocked. The blue orb 'saw' my reaction and 'smiled'.
"Don't worry, for you shall be my apostle to carry out my will."
Hearing her bullshit, I couldn't help but be angry. "Don't worry? Bitch, I just died and now I'm being forced to be an apostle to some god I know nothing about, how the hellosmart.com am I supposed to not worry?"
The blue orb looked completely unfazed and simply said "Oh well. That's a shame. If you were to become my apostle, you create as much chaos as you want with nothing to stop you. Oh well, I guess I'll have to find someone else."
Hearing the part about cause chaos, I was stunned once again. It had always been my dream to create chaos. Once, I was chosen for an award at school and I had to attend this extremely formal party. I went there equipped with animal crackers and let's just say they'll never invite me again.