Jaz continued down the path until the dazzling rays of dawn lit up the sky. The knight was indeed correct, for she had come across a small tavern beneath a grassy hill. The princess made her way up the path and stopped at the establishment, deciding it would be best to eat before she moved on. Fortunately for her, the tavern was open, being the kind of establishment that housed travelers from time to time.
The young woman ducked inside the dimly lit establishment and made her way to the bar. "Menu, sir?" She asked the lone barkeep. The man gave her a confused look as he continued polishing the mug in his hand. "Menu?" She asked again.
The barkeep plunked the mug onto the wooden bar top before leaning across to survey the young woman. "What do you want?"
"What do you have?" Jaz asked, confused by the barkeep's mannerism.
"What do you want?" The barkeep repeated.
"Umm…" Jaz mumbled as she continued to stare at the man in confusion. A light tug on her cloak caught her attention. She turned to confront a small but elderly gnome seated next to her.
"You have to order, dear," the gnome snickered before returning his attention to his drink.
"Umm, eggs?" Jaz asked the barkeep as she wondered if the gnome was picking fun or genuinely trying to help. "Two eggs, over easy," she added. "And a glass of milk."
The barkeep grumbled softly as he slowly made his way to a nearby doorway. He stuck his head inside before yelling "Ma! Robin's Nest! Scrambled!"
"Over easy," Jaz corrected.
"Scrambled!" The man yelled once more through the doorway before hobbling back over to polish his mugs.
"Well, okay," Jaz mumbled to herself as the gnome next to her laughed hysterically. She pushed herself away from the bar and took a seat at a table in the isolated corner of the room. She pulled the cloak down from her head and studied the establishment.
The tavern was fairly busy for a morning like today: a group of gnomes snickered at the bar; a few drunken patrons sat slumped over in their seats, passed out from a long night of drinking; seven miniature tree-elves danced atop a table as they shoveled the crumbs of various small pastries into their cheeks; a couple of burly guards sat in the far corner, conversing quietly as they tore into plates of mostly charred food.
After a few moments, the barkeep made his way over to the young princess' table and plopped a small plate in front of her. "Milk? Jaz asked as she stared up at the barkeep's blank face. The man grunted as he plonked a wooden mug onto the table, spilling a few drops of dark brown liquid as the drink sloshed about. "Thanks," the princess sarcastically mumbled as she stared at her meal in disgust.
"Vlad!" The tavern erupted as a tall, lanky man entered the room.
"Jeez, mates," the man replied as he pulled a scarf down to reveal his pale neck. "I was just taking a leak." The man undid his coat as he made his way through the modest establishment.
Thud! Jazz looked up from her plate as two heavy leather gloves thumped onto the table.
"Excuse me, love," Vlad replied as he looked down at the lone woman. "I hate to be a bother, love. But you are in my boy, Ralph's, seat."
"Well, sucks to be Ralph," Jaz coldly replied as she returned her attention back to her plate. "He can find another."
"Aye," Vlad agreed with a chuckle. "But my mate tends to have a bit of a temper when he has thrown back a few pints. Ralph won't be too happy when he gets back."
"Well, tough tomatoes," Jaz replied as she gagged on a bite of her foul meal.
Vlad chuckled as he took a seat across from the girl. "You ever have tough tomatoes? They aren't as bad as you would think. Throw a bit of salt on em, and they are quite nice. However, you do have to be careful not to chip a tooth. There's a place over in Vimoth that serves a mighty splendid tough tomato. They serve a delightful honey glazed ham too; however, don't tell the muglets that. They are a bit sensitive to food produced from creatures with a snout."
"Can I help you?" Jaz interrupted the pale man in an annoyed huff.
"Don't believe so, love. Just waiting on Ralph to bring the mead. Ahh, here he comes now." Vlad turned and pointed to a small cloaked figure carrying two large pints.
It waddled slowly over from the bar before stopping abruptly in front of Jaz. With a loud huff, the figure slammed the drinks onto the table.
"See," Vlad snidely remarked. "Told you he would throw a fit."
The cloaked figure squeaked loudly as it forced its hood back; revealing its small furry face.
"Rat!" Jaz screamed as she leapt from her seat.
"Rat?" A booming feminine voice exploded from the kitchen. The room fell silent as the kitchen doors flew open; revealing a squat plump woman waving a wooden rolling pin in the air. "Vhere?"
"Rat!" Jaz pointed to the confused animal as Vlad howled in laughter.
Ralph lowered his head in shame as a hurt look covered the small badger's face. He slowly climbed into the girl's vacant seat as tears filled the animal's eyes.
"Ve serve NO rats!" The plump woman screamed as she slammed the rolling pin on the bar top.
"Ralphie isn't a rat, Mrs. Schmitz," Vlad answered as he tried to stop laughing.
"Ve serve NO rats!" Mrs. Schmitz screamed once more before turning to the barkeep.
"No rats, mamma," the man confirmed before ushering the woman back into the kitchen.
"If he isn't a rat, what is he?" Jaz asked as she examined the animal carefully.
"No Rats!" Mrs. Schmitz screamed once more as the kitchen doors slammed shut behind her.
"You never saw a honey badger before, darling?" Vlad asked as he recomposed himself.
"Honey badger? They get that big?" Jaz asked as she took a seat next ot the sulking badger.
"Aye," Vlad chuckled. "See, mate. Told you it was time to lay off the grub."
Ralph chattered his teeth in annoyance as he lifted his pint to his lips.
"I think you insulted him, love. Probably should apologize before he goes off on ya."
"Umm," sorry," Jaz awkwardly apologized before she slid her plate back in front of her.
"There ya go, old boy. She apologized. Now cheer up and slide me my pint."
The badger continued to slog down his drink as he nudged Vlad's mug to him. Vlad snatched the cup to his lips and slurped the foam off the top.
"So, what's a lovely lass like yourself doing in these parts?" Vlad asked as he began guzzling down the liquid.
"I'm actually headed to Floringdale," Jaz replied as she brought her fork to her lips.
"Floringdale, ehh?" Vlad replied as he lowered his pint. "Didn't we hear about a princess recently kidnapped from Floringdale?"
Ralph raised his eyebrows as he continued drinking.
"Yeah. Some rich princess was kidnapped by a group of bandits," Vlad continued. "Wouldn't happen to know her, would ya, darling?"
Jaz stayed silent as she continued eating her food. Vlad arched a suspicious brow as he surveyed the young girl carefully.
"Wait!" Vlad exclaimed as he leaned in close to the girl. "She wouldn't happen to be you? Would she, love?"
Ralph lowered his drink as the girl continued to eat silently. Vlad struck the table in excitement as he shared an eager look with his furry comrade.
Daggum!" He exclaimed. "How'd you get free?"
"I had help," Jaz reluctantly replied without shifting her eyes off her plate.
"Had help?" Vlad questioned. "You were rescued?"
"Sort of," Jaz answered. "There was this knight. Or at least he was a knight. The man mentioned he was retired or something."
"Retired?" Vlad asked, his eyes filling with excitement. "Small fellow?"
"Actually, yes," Jaz replied. He was a relatively small fellow. Quite odd too. Had a three-legged donkey he rode instead of a horse."
"Well, slap my ass and call me Patty!" Vlad exclaimed as he struck the table once more. "Did you hear that, Ralphie? Our boy finally did it! Actually, saved a damsel! Well, where is the little fella? This calls for celebration!" Jaz stayed silent, burying her attention in her food. Vlad and Ralph shared a nervous look as they waited for the girl's answer. "Where is he, love?"
"I-I-I don't know," Jaz nervously stammered. "There were some complications."
"What kind of complications, darling?" Vlad pressed the girl further. "Don't tell me you buried my buddy."
"No," Jaz answered. "I think he is still alive."
"You think?"
"At least for now," the princess added. "But I don't think he will be for much longer."
"Well love, start from the beginning. What happened?"
Jaz recounted her tale of how the knight had found her captured in the bandit's camp. She included each part of her rescue and escape, including their agreement to escort the princess to the tavern. The young woman's head lowered as she reached the end of her story; her eyes filling with guilt over the knight's capture.
Vlad sat silently as he listened to the princess' tale. "How big was this mysterious beast?" The pale man asked after a moment of silence.
"I-I don't know," Jaz stuttered. "I only saw its foot. But it was a massive foot. Bigger than any giant I've ever seen."
"Bigger than a giant, you say?" A slight smile covered the man's face as he returned his attention back to his furry friend.
The badger shook his head in disapproval before throwing back the rest its pint down his throat.
"Waddaya say, mate?" Vlad chuckled mischievously. "Up for an adventure?"
"An adventure?" Jaz quizzed the pale man in confusion. "You?" Seriously?"
"Why not love?" Vlad nonchalantly replied. "My mate needs some help. I for one am not going to leave him hanging. Right, Ralph?"
The badger sighed profoundly before laying his forehead on the cold wood table.
"Oh, come on, Ralphie," Vlad coaxed. "You were wanting something to do today. Looks like we found something."
"Wait," Jaz interrupted. "You're telling me that YOU are planning on saving sir George, Mike, or Matt?"
"That's his name?" A puzzled look covered the pale man's face. "I always called the bloke Phil."
"You don't even know his NAME?" Jaz cried out. "Why would you want to risk your life for someone you don't know?"
"Don't know?" Vlad exclaimed in an enraged huff. "I happen to know the fella quite well. And I'll have you know, missy, we shared a pint: him and I."
"You plan on rescuing him because the pair of you shared a pint?" Jaz asked once more.
"Aye!"
"You don't even know if he is the same guy," Jaz added. "You called the man Phil!"
"Maybe so," Vlad argued. "But I know that three-legged ass when I hear of it. That's my boy Phil. I know it!"
"It's George, Mike, or Matt!" Jaz exclaimed with a defeated sigh.
"Call him what you like, love; but my mate needs my help."
"Even so," Jaz continued. "You don't even know where to begin.
"Maybe not," Vlad replied. "But you do."
"I do?" Jaz scoffed. "I know only as much as you do."
"You said the beast had a massive foot, right?"
"Yes?" The princess answered, confused by the man's reasoning.
"Massive feet leave massive footprints. Correct?"
"I suppose so," Jaz replied.
"Then we follow its prints!" Vlad exclaimed. You will show us where my mate was taken and we will follow the creature's trail!"
"What makes you think I will take you there?" The princess questioned.
"Obviously you will take us there, "Vlad chuckled. "I mean, what other plans did you have for the day? You are sitting in a bar at ten o'clock in the morning on a Wednesday."
"I plan to go home!" The princess argued.
"As do we all, love," Vlad replied. "But here we are. In a bar with pints in our hands."
Jaz exhaled loudly, but decided it was best not to argue with the bumbling drunk any longer. She reluctantly agreed to escort the duo to the spot as a means to quell the guilt that had built up in her stomach. Perhaps this small deed could atone for the part she played in the young man's capture.
"Wonderful!" Vlad excitedly exclaimed. "But first, we drink. Ralphie, my boy, care for another?"
The badger smiled broadly as he slid his empty mug across the table. Vlad swiped both of the empty pints from the table before leaping out of his seat. The pale man danced over to the bar before returning with two frosty glasses.
The pair continued drinking throughout the morning. They guzzled pint after pint as the minutes ticked on. It wasn't until four in the afternoon that Jaz convinced the drunken pair to head out.
"Which way, love?" Vlad slurred as he tightened the scarf around his neck.
"What's with the scarf?" Jaz asked as she led the pair out towards the forest. "It's not even the slightest bit chilly."
"You got a problem with my–with may-with me scarf?" Vlad hickuped as he flung his arm around the princess' slender shoulders. "I was always told it accented my curves, dar-da-l-love."
"Your curves?" Jaz laughed as she shrugged off the drunken man's arm. "What curves?"
Vlad hickuped once more as he struggled to recover his balance. "My curves, d-darling. Ralph! Tell these f-fine ladies about me curves."
The badger looked up at his friend with glazed eyes. He swayed gently before focusing his attention up towards the sky. He belched loudly before emitting a high-pitched screech.
Jaz stopped abruptly as she turned to witness the odd spectacle. "What's he doing?" She yelled to be heard over the loud siren.
Vlad shrugged his shoulders before placing his hand over the animal's mouth. "T-that's quite enough of that, mate."
The screeching stopped as Ralph returned his attention back to Vlad. The badger pulled the pale man's hand from his face before looking his friend dead in the eyes. "Ba-Whooga!" Ralph screamed before falling face first into the dirt.
The pair of travelers stayed silent as they stared intently at the still badger laying on the ground. "Is he dead?" Jaz asked, concerned for the small animal's health.
Vlad shrugged his shoulders once more before gradually bending over and flipping the badger onto his side.
"Hckk-sma-tck-tck-tck," the animal snored as Vlad looked back at the princess.
"Guess not," the man smugly replied as he stood back up and stepped over his sleeping pal. "Now then, which way are we going?"
"Wait!" Jaz screamed. "You can't just abandon him there!"
"I don't see why not," Vlad replied before looking back at the sleeping badger. "He looks reasonably comfortable."
"He is in the middle of the road!" Jaz argued.
"Aye," Vlad agreed. "It's not like there's a bed out here."
"What if a wagon come by? He'll be squished!"
"Well, he better roll," Vlad coldly replied.
"Better roll?" Jaz's face soured as her eyes ignited into rage. "You are not leaving your friend! Pick him up, now!"
Vlad quickly jumped back to his furry comrade's side. "No need to get your panties in a bunch," the pale man mumbled as he scooped up the sleeping badger into his arms.
"What was that?" Jaz huffed with a stern look upon her face.
"I-I said I got him, my lady," the pale man stuttered before rushing to the princess' side "Shall we proceed?"
Jaz nodded and ushered the man along. The young princess waited until the man's back was turned before she allowed a slight grin to cover her face.