Maine apne jivan ko sayad pura hi barbad kar diya hai. Kabhi-kabhi main sochta hun aisa sirf mere sath hi ho raha hai ya sabhi ke sath?????
Par jab unse apne-aap ko compare kar ke dekhta hun to paata hun ki main or meri zindagi sabse alag hai. Sayad main ek defective piece hun jise uper wale ne bade an-mane (bina iksha ke) ho ke banaya hai or is dharti par yun hi bhej diya hai. Bas tadapte raho. Aaj tak koi bhi mujhe ek sacha dost nahi mila jo mera sath bina koi swarth ka de. Sab swarthi hi nikle. Mera unhone "use and throw" ki trah upyog kiya.
Bada ajeeb hai na..... dunia ki bhid me ho ke bhi aap bilkul akele hote ho. Apka sath dene wala, ya apko samajhne wala koi nahi hota hai. Aisa lagta hai jaise aap ek bojh hai. Apka kuch nahi ho sakta. Aap kitna bhi try kyu na kare apne jivan ko ek acha roop dene ki magar aap hamesa hi na-kamyab hote hai.
Kabhi-kabhi to aisa bhi hota hai ki aap logo ko koi aur hi baat samjhana chahte hai magar wo samajh kuch aur hi jate hai.
Aap agar kuch acha karte hai ya sochte hai aur wo baat kisi ko batate hai to wo apki saari achhai ki credit le leta hai aur aap ek achhe insan hone ka farz nibhane ke chakkar me ya yun kahe ki pratishtha me praan gawane ka kam karte huye chup rahte hai aur apni barbadi ka apni khuli ankho se haal dekhte hai aur man hi man dukhi hote rahte hai.
Maine ek baat aur notice kiya hai apne bare me ki main jitna hi sabhi ko khush rakhne ki koshis karta hun mujhe utna hi dukh milta hai. Aur na jane kon si bat par mujhse sabhi naraz ho kar mere dusman ban jate hai. Main kitna bhi achhai kar loon magar mere sath sabhi sirf kaam nikalne wali hi dosti karte hai. Aur wahi, jo unhe use (upyog) kare aur unka jivan barbad kar de, aise insan ke piche wo apni doom hilate firte hai. Chaahe aap kitni bhi achi tarah hi kyu na unhe samjha le ya unke sath aap pesh aaye.
Akhir aisa kyu hota hai...
Maine aaj tak kabhi kisi ke bare me galat nahi socha. Kabhi kisi ke prati koi galat politics nahi kiya magar fir bhi.....
Main agar likhne par aaoon to sayad 1000 page ki koi kitab bhi kam pad jayegi, par sochta hun ye main kya kar raha hun. Aise to main ek negative character ka admi ban jaunga aur is sansar me negativity hi failaunga. Ye soch kar main sab dukh-dard bhul jata hun apna aur nayi umang aur tajgi se fir se lag jata hun ek nayi asha ke sath, ek nayi ummid ke sath, ki ab mere sath sab acha hoga.....
Par afsos...
Bachpan se aajtak to mere sath kuch acha nahi hua. Main chah kar bhi sab thik nahi kar pata. Mera na samay hi kabhi sath deta hai, na kismat, na mera telant aur na hi aur hi kuch. Sab kuch sahi samay par dhokha de jate hai...
Sabhi hamesa bolte hai, tum to bahut telanted ho, tum kuch bhi kar loge. magar...
Aur to aur mere follower bhi bahut hai. Aisa nahi ki mujhe log follow nahi karte. Aise log jo mujhe apna ideal mante hai aise bhi bahut hai, aur aise log jaldi apni manzil bhi pa lete hai. Aur manzil milte hi mujhe bhul jate hai. Fir main kaun hun ye bhi.....
Aur mai fir se wahi...
Fir se nayi suruaat...
Maine apni zindagi me RESTART button ko kayi bar use kiya hai. Sayad is liye hi main aaj bhi zinda hun. Nahi to kab ka.....
Asaan nahi hota hai dil me hazaro gam chupa ke chehre par hamesa muskurahat rakhna. Kabhi-kabhi aap isme bhi FAIL ho jate ho.
Bada ajeeb hai na, aap sab chiz me fail ho gaye fir bhi aimless zinda ho. Jine ke liye koi maqsad bhi nahi fir bhi tum zinda ho. Hasratein to hazar ho dil me par use pura karne ke liye kisi ka sath ya tinke ka bhi sahara na ho....
Oh.... aap to fir se akele ho gaye. Ajeeb laga na. Main inhi baato me ek makdi ke jaal ki tarah fasa huya chhatpatata hua apni maut ka intezar kar raha hu. Magar ek hara hua insaan bhi nahi kahlana chahta, isliye har bar ek nayi kosish karte huye aage badha ja raha hu main.
Har bar nayi chunotiyo aur musibato ka samna karte huye, unhe jhelte huye, unse haarte, ladte aur jit-te huye.....
Par musibat hai ki khatm hone ka naam hi nahi le rahi. Bachpan se aaj tak, aur ab na jaane kab tak. Sayad jab tak zindagi hai tab tak. Kabhi-kabhi sochta hun ki zindagi hi khatm kar lun. Nayi zindagi nayi subah le ke ayegi. Nayi kismat ke sath. Nayi family, naye log, naya sab-kuch. magar itna bhi himmat nahi...
Suna hai suicide karne wale ko log bujdil or darfok bolte hai, magar main samajhta hun isme bhi bahut saahas, takat, aur himmat ki jarurat hoti hai. Jo ki innocently mere me bilkul bhi nahi hai. Aur sayad isliye hi main failure bhi hun har jagah. Har jagah matlab har jagah.....
Kuch jagah par main hero bhi hun, magar wo mere kisi kaam ka nahi. Yani ghum-fir ke main ZERO par aa hi jata hun. Hai na meri zindagi mast...ЁЯШК