Calming down, however, made things start to have logical explanations, but those that didn't created questions inside her head. Scary questions. Questions she never thought she would be asking herself. However, she was not the only one who had questions to ask, albeit less scary and about a different matter entirely.
"Hey, say something. Are you alright?"
"Do you need a doctor? Annabeth?"
"I-I'm fine," she stammered out a response finally.
"I just had a really bad dream," Annabeth added on.
Although she said it was just a dream, her heart was in turmoil about everything. She remembered strangling herself… no, something inside her strangled her. Whatever that thing was, it definitely felt dark and devoid of any mercy. It was in so much pain but also very happy at the same time, angry and calm, and a series of other conflicting emotions all at once.
Annabeth remembered being trapped in her own body as her whole soul was screaming out in panic. She could see and hear everything but had no control over her body. It's like a situation where both sides of a brain become self-aware and develop a conscience while they fight for control over the body. She remembered being afraid, existing in the body like a ghost in a partial possession.
Annabeth started to suspect that there was something wrong with her. It was something she couldn't yet describe or explain, and so for the time being she would have to face it alone. After all, she was the 'Mistress of Despair' and didn't need anyone.
Annabeth's heart suddenly began to beat faster out of fear and excitement. The thought of addressing herself as the 'Mistress of Despair' made her remember who she really was, but it scared her to revert to her old title.
She was afraid of dying inside again, taking pleasure in harming innocent people and taking away any shred of hope for any person that fell victim to her wicked schemes. The excitement part of the heartbeat was something she could not comprehend. It was almost like two beings in one body, one scared of reverting and the other excited about the thoughts of reverting.
"You should get some rest little one," Canning said, interrupting her thoughts as she slowly became paranoid.
"I'm not young anymore you know," she replied, "soon you'll start getting old and hunch over. I'll be taller than you then and you won't believe who will be the little one."
She teased a little to brighten the mood, trying to brave it out and not think about her problems until she was completely alone. Braving it out was something she could do she believed, she had had enough time to grow into an adult when necessary so she was taking this one like a champ.
At best, she had lived for 62 years and was old enough to deal with her own problems. Involving others would just make things more troublesome. Besides, if the other dark thing inside her was because of her past then wouldn't Canning find out after prying further? Was she really ready for judgment and possibly being hated by someone she truly considered as family? He was like a father to her now, loving and caring for her even though she was problematic and distant in the first few years.
Lord Flinn, her real father, had tried to get through to her but failed. Maybe she was too focused on trying to keep him alive for her own reasons that she ended up not getting attached to him in case she failed. In Canning's case, however, he was a new entity whose existence she only found out in this life.
At first, she treated him the same way she treated her real father because she did not know his future. But over time, the idea of being surrounded by people that care for her started to shed some light in her dark world. In fact, it was not only Lord Canning but the people that worked in his household too. Although they held a lesser value in her life, Annabeth still considered Menzine and the rest of the servants as important to her to some degree. They all seemed to care for her and her well-being, interacting with her and establishing friendships however little they were.
Lord Canning and his servants did not try to force her to accept them or appearing hurt when she was distant from them the way her father did. They gave her the space she needed but still showed her they cared. Over time she grew closer to them, forgetting her years as a loner and a person who killed to find joy.
Annabeth had spent a lot of time around Canning that his opinion of her mattered a lot. He probably would not believe her if she told him how this was her third life. Who would anyway? But supposing he did, what would he think of her? To disappoint and disgust him with her past atrocities would feel terrible, and that was something she was not willing to do.
"If I become old and hunch over, I will buy a cane to use for walking. I will also use it to hit your head until you're short as well," Canning said after thinking for a few seconds, interrupting her thoughts again.
"You took your time but that's a really weak comeback old man. Since that is the best you have then I guess I have to play along. You will be so short you'll need a stool for your walking stick to reach my shoulders,"
"Tsk. Little rascal," Lord Canning said, as he smiled and looked outside the window of the moving wagon.
"Grumpy old man," Annabeth retorted, trying to get the last word in.
"I'm only 35," he chuckled and said.
"You say that every year uncle Canning. You say that every year," Annabeth finally smiled and said.
This was the kind of life she was used to now, something much more joyous than the gloomy one of a loner. Her years of tormenting people had mentally destroyed her but she had recovered enough to accept some people now. A shred of happiness had found its way into her life and she was now desperate to keep it.
Whatever darkness that was trying to brew inside her would probably make her lose these people if she couldn't control it. It would harm them like the way it harmed those young girls. She needed to have it under control, spectating the destruction of your friends by your own hands would be too much for her. Her mood became gloomy again, settling to read her book to pass the time until she was alone.
Lord Canning was also studying something, it was written on a scroll and Annabeth would get to find out later that it was a report of how her fight with the bandits was.