I could hear a calm conversation as I approached the dining hall. As I got closer, one of the guards quickly asked, "Shall we announce you, Your Highness?"
"There's no need for that," I replied as I opened the door without warning.
My family was quick to look in my direction. My sudden entrance immediately put them all to silence. Their eyes widened out of surprise, their movements paused. If this was the kind of response that I got every time I entered a room, bursting through doors would be a delight.
Like any other feast, Mother was the first to approach me. "Hello, Mother," I greeted as I gave her a kiss on the forehead.
She giggled in response. "Hello, my heart," she cupped my face with one hand, looking up to meet my gaze.
"Dearest Elizabeth," I smiled as I turned to my sister, laying a gentle peck on her cheek.
"Hello, little brother," she smiled.
I wasn't quick to notice it at first, but there were no spare chairs in between Mother and Elizabeth, which was the place where I usually sat. "So, where do I sit?" I asked them, still carrying a smile on my face.
"Right next to your father," Mother replied, pointing to a prepared meal in front of her that sat on the right side of James.
Splendid!
Just the opposite of what I wanted to happen for today's lunch. I now had to bear a whole hour of suffering beside him. I took a deep breath in as I walked towards my seat. As soon as I reached it, I pulled my chair and immediately sat down.
"You didn't come with us to visit the orphanage," James started as he cut through his meat.
"Yes, I made that decision," I replied, spreading my napkin onto my lap. I grabbed my utensils after.
"May I ask where you have been?"
"I was just in the garden. I needed some time alone after a long hour of work," I answered, digging into the food that was prepared for me.
"I asked Gonzalo where you were and he said you weren't within the castle grounds," he said before he took another bite.
'Oh, here we go,' I thought to myself. I tried to ignore him in order to appreciate the delicious meal right in front of me. I thought it was going to be absolute silence between the two of us. But, he just had to start another confrontation for the both of us.
"Tell me where you really were while we're gone," he said, turning his body completely to my direction.
I took two quick bites from my plate. "My whereabouts when you're not here is none of your business."
"I command you to–"
"Don't 'command' me," I interrupted him, looking him straight in the eye. "You have no right to do so. I'm not one of your servants."
He protested without hesitation. "I have the right to ask where you're planning to go. I am your father."
I chuckled as I took a sip of wine. "Since you say that you're my father, the manner of how you tell me what to do is like I'm one of your workers. That's not how a father should ask his child if he's truly concerned," I said, struggling to even make a simple slice from my steamed fish. My hands shook as I held back my rage within me. I even controlled my breathing because I didn't want to let out long and deep sighs, similar to a raging bull.
Silence came upon us once more. To join our family meals was horrible enough. What made it worse was the fact that they forced me to sit beside James. Mother and Elizabeth were fully aware of my terrible relationship with James. Why would they continue to push me towards him when clearly, he didn't want me around him?
James then sighed. "Son, I'm doing my best to build a connection with you, to understand you," he said, a bit irritated still. He added, "This never-ending argument between us both will never be good for the family."
"Well, I guess you will need to try harder, Your Majesty," I replied, stuffing more food into my already-filled mouth. I continued, "And please, don't call me your 'son'. You are the one who pushed us away as your children."
Those words came out of my mouth like poison. I didn't care if it stung. But, for some reason, I hated myself for even allowing those words to escape my lips. However, that was the truth about how he treated us. And now, all of a sudden, he wanted to act as if he has always been a good father to Elizabeth and me?
I sensed Mother and Elizabeth, looking at me in shock. But James needed to hear it. He never showed us any sort of affection as he claimed that he wanted for us to be independent. He wanted us to be prepared in case he would die suddenly. He should've made the effort to connect with me as a child. I needed him before but he was never there for me.
I wiped my mouth clean as I took one last bite. "That is all for me today," I said, pushing my plate away. I didn't want to continue eating. I lost my appetite.
"Robert, please," Mother pleaded gently.
"I've eaten enough today, Mother. I still have some reports to finish," I replied formally. "If you need anything from me, I'll be in my study." With that, I pushed my chair and stepped out. After my farewell bow, I left the dining hall as they all sat there in silence.
~*~*~*~
Even though I was working through a pile of reports that remained on my desk, my mind was somewhere else. I felt myself swimming inside my own mind, drowning in a deep ocean of endless thoughts. I contemplated what I just did a while ago.
I was fully-aware that to answer a parent - yes, I still counted James as a parent - was the perfect example of what it meant to be a horrible child. But in my defence, how could you stand someone who talked down to you? He acted as if he knew me when he didn't. He never took the time to get to know me when I was young. How dare he pretend that he knew me from the inside out?
A knock on my door startled me, making me jump from my seat.
"Who is it?" I replied, not lifting my attention from the report I was reading.
The door opened, and my page entered with a bow. "Your Highness, Her Royal Majesty is here to see you."
Hearing my mother's title made me look up. "Please, let her in," I quickly organised my desk as he fetched for my mother.
I dusted off my clothes as I stood up, preparing myself to greet her.
A few seconds later, Mother finally entered, closing the door as she fully came into the room.
"Mother," I kissed her cheek as we reached each other. I gestured to the chair by the window. She nodded and we walked towards the said spot.
"Why did you have to do that, Robert?" she asked, calm yet concerned.
I groaned on the inside. I knew she was going to talk about what I just did. First, it was Elizabeth. Now, Mother was the one to lecture me. Why would she and Elizabeth stand up for James? I never understood how they could defend him constantly.
"I don't understand what you're talking about," I replied as I sat across from her.
"Your father was trying his best to make a connection with you a while ago," she said. I couldn't fathom the fact that Mother believed what James said. She asked, "Why did you have to treat him with so much coldness?"
I sighed as I looked down to my feet. "Mother, if he's claiming that he's making a connection with me, forgive me but I don't see it. I can't feel that he is even trying," I reasoned.
"It's because you never gave him a chance," she bent closer towards me. "You always close your door on him."
"Mother, he was given multiple chances back when I was a child. For almost half of my life, I was giving him chance after chance, just to prove himself to me. And yet, he failed me," I explained.
She then put her hand on mine. "You may not believe this, but your father loves you very much, my son. You don't know how much you mean to him," she said as her thumb caressed my hand, comforting me. "Please, give him another chance."
As much as I loved my mother, and I didn't have the power to refuse her, I couldn't give James another chance. Another chance would mean another opportunity to disappoint me. Yes, it was indeed too much to ask from me because he had numerous occasions in the past to prove himself as a father. He never took those chances.
Another knock came upon my door. "Who is it?" I said, turning to the door.
The door opened and Gonzalo entered. "Your Highness. Your Majesty," he bowed to the both of us. Turning to me, he continued, "Princess Lorain has sent a letter for you."
I nodded. "Do you have the letter with you?"
"I have your page hold onto it while you speak with Her Majesty," he replied.
"Thank you. You may leave," I said.
He took another bow and left.
"Mother," I said as I stood from my seat, "I must respond to the princess' letter."
"Of course," she smiled as she stood as well. She continued, "Promise me that you'll think about what I said."
"Yes, Mother. Anything for you," I smiled, kissing her hand afterwards.
She laid a gentle peck on my forehead after she wrapped me in a warm embrace. And with a smile, she gracefully left my study.
"Page?" I called out as I returned to my desk.
My page entered, carrying a silver platter on his hand that had the letter on it. He put it in front of me as I sat down.
"Thank you," I said.
He took his bow and left the room silently as if he had no feet.
As the door closed behind him, I put the tray aside and proceeded with the report I was in the middle of before Mother's arrival.