I didn't wear pink that night, especially because Geo advised me to. I didn't want any guy dictating what I should do when it came to dates. The last time I allowed that, I ended up crying. So I wore a thin black sweater.
I was meeting Matt for the first time since this stupid project began, and I felt silly. We were going to have a date inside the Greek Hall, where the pool reflected the moonlight from the glass panels of the ceiling. I didn't know if that was romantic, but I smiled at the fact.
Geo set everything up. From the picnic mat down to the bottle of red wine, the night seemed perfectly planned. It was the corniest thing I had ever seen, but it was well worth the appreciation.
I arrived before Matt, which I really expected since I went a few minutes early. I wanted to see Geo's reaction to how I looked, given that I defied his game plan. You see, if this second round thing was for Matt and me to get to know each other more, then he should know me for who I really was. I shouldn't have to change.
"Wait, wait. You look great!" Geo exclaimed as soon as he saw me, which I counted as an overreaction. I couldn't look that good, especially when I didn't feel like it.
"You're messing with me. Again." I rolled my eyes, but my lips shook, feeling the need to smile. I half-expected Geo to ask me to return to my dorm room and change, but the way he complimented me actually gave me a boost.
"Matt should be here any minute." He was taking out boxes from his duffle bag, and I knew right away that he dropped by his favourite restaurant fifteen minutes away. To think he'd spend that much time for this date, he must really want his brother to have me.
"What's for dinner?" I asked, biting my lip. "Take-outs again?"
"Hey, this is from my allowance, so quit complaining."
I sat on the pillow provided as our seats, watching as he made extra effort in making the dinner picnic as special as he said it was. "I didn't think you'd go through all these to sell me out. Then again, perhaps you're buying me off so I'd finish that photo wall."
"I am doing both."
I chuckled, finding no offense. I usually got mad at such revelations, but this was Geo. I just couldn't bring myself to get mad at him. And I didn't want to ruin the moment. "My brother's right. You're an asshole."
"I don't mean to be." He finished laying the boxes on the picnic mat, smiling as if he were the proud chef. "Voila! Greek Picnic by the Short-Yard Pool of the Coolest School Ever. Ala Geovanne Estevez."
"Looks good. Ordinary. But good," I managed to tease.
Nodding, I looked at each of the boxed dishes. There was steak, veggies, chicken and rice. Geo even prepared a basket of fruits, which he set down in the middle of the mat. What made me laugh entirely was the small bottle of red wine he placed on a water dipper with cubes of ice. I pointed to it, thinking he was joking, but when he grinned I knew right away he wasn't.
"Hey! I couldn't find a metal bucket. Be nice. I'm doing this for you," he said.
I repressed my laugh and thought he was being fresh with me. But the more I stifled my laugh, the louder I burst with it, and he followed entirely. We were laughing hard when Matt arrived. I didn't even notice him until he cleared his throat, already standing behind me.
"Hey, Brother." Geo stood up and pointed at the pillow across mine. Matt sat on it slowly, without a word, and stared at me. "Well, I'm leaving you two now. Clean up after yourselves, okay?"
As soon as Matt and I were alone, silence turned deafening. We were looking everywhere, except at each other, and it was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. I honestly thought since he was the first one to agree on this, he'd be the one more inclined to rebuild what we had, to bring back what I thought was there during that month and a half of dating. Instead, he sat there and waited until I spoke up.
"How are you?" I asked.
Nodding, Matt said, "I'm fine. Concentrating on the sports fest."
I suddenly felt silly, being there with him when all he could think about was the competition. I expected him to bring up the sports fest, but I didn't think it'd be this early, and that it would come out as if he didn't care much about being there with me.
"How are you and Zach?"
Not exactly the topic I wanted to discuss with him, but I was sure he'd already heard. "Not good, I guess," I replied.
He nodded again, taking a fork. He reached for a piece of the steak and put it inside his mouth, chewing slowly, as if he wasn't even there with me. He was thinking of something, I was certain about that.
"I'm sure you'd win," I said, trying to gain his attention back. That was the purpose of this, wasn't it? That he and I would get to know each other more?
He nodded again.
When he didn't say anything after that, I started eating. It had always been like this with him. I didn't talk a lot, but he was worse than I was. He was supposed to bend for me and with me, like what I was doing. What I was always doing for him.
He was different from other guys; I got that already. But I thought I was making enough effort for this to work. People who liked each other were supposed to do that.
"How's everything going with you and Zach?" It was the same old thing. We didn't know what to talk about, other than other people.
"He isn't talking to me much," he replied.
I knew why. Zach liked him as his friend. They were close, like Zach and Trance. But the thing was, Zach didn't like me dating jocks. "You have plans this vacation?"
"Travel."
I wanted to ask if I could come, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know if I really wanted to, first of all. By travel, I knew he meant he was going to climb mountains again, and that wasn't me. Secondly, he wasn't going to agree to it. For sure. Just as before, he'd smile and change the subject.
"You wanna come with?"
I stared at him for a moment, wondering if I heard him right. "Excuse me?"
"I'm going to Bacolod City the week after the sports fest. I'm asking you if you want to come with me," he said.
I didn't know where that was, but it sounded cool. I breathed in deep and said, "No."
"Okay."
I pursed my lips.
There had been times in the past when I did and said things I really didn't want to, or when I avoided doing and saying things I really wanted to, just so I'd see where things would lead. So when I said no, I just wanted to see what he'd say and do.
I believed in the natural flow of time and that everything in this world flowed with it. I didn't have to force things to happen. I learned that after the Scott incident.
When I gave Scott my virginity, it wasn't because I wasn't thinking. It's because I was. It's because I wanted something to happen between us. I was in love with him, and I felt he was in love with me, too. Sure, I started out as a bet, but he did love me as time went by, and that was important, even when we didn't end up together. I forgave him, but thought that accepting him back would be a little too much.
And contrary to what my brother believed, I had learned my lesson.