What ever happened to the never flirt with your brother's ex rule?
I knew it. I had heard over the span of a school year that Geo was an even bigger flirt than his brother. He was a jock and a student council at the same time. Bound to attract more attention. And he was gorgeous! All five foot eleven or so of him.
Was I that cursed? Was I really that unlucky when it came to guys? I sulked at the thought. Why couldn't I get a guy who wasn't a jock, or at least not in any way related to sports and to my ex?
Matt. How was it that he was able to forget about me that quickly?
I still kept a few pictures of him inside a shoe box. Those photos of him, concentrating and training, or simply doing everyday stuff like reading and driving, I still had them and I looked at them when I was alone. Each time I did, a sting coursed through my veins, unable to believe he and Scott only wanted the same thing from me!
My phone rang, bringing me back to a more important time. The moment I saw that it was my brother, I sucked in a long, deep breath. I knew what this was going to be about.
"Here it goes," I told myself and answered on the fifth ring, much as I didn't want to. "Hey, Zach."
"I heard what happened."
"Of course you did." I rolled my eyes. Kori's been stuck up on my brother no matter the age difference, no matter the many times my brother had rejected her, that she'd take every opportunity to talk to him. I bet this was her doing.
It wouldn't be the first. The first time she did it was when she saw me and Matt shopping for school supplies. I was able to convince Zach to let that go. But the second was worse. I was shopping for new camera equipment down at Hidalgo when the rain poured unexpectedly hard for March. People scampered to whatever shed they could find, and of course that included me. I was pushed behind the crowd and into a store, where the guy behind the counter was nice enough to let me stay. I was busy texting with Jazz and Maria when Kori called me up. She said she was worried, since she knew I'd be there, and that she was coming with my brother to pick me up. Bad move. When my brother asked where I was, that was when I realized I was in an adult store. That was one heck of an argument in his car.
"You can do this," Zach said on the phone, probably when he noticed that I spaced out.
"I know that," I lied.
It was easy taking pictures of people, especially once they realized the camera sought them. It was, however, extremely hard to capture candid moments – what's real, what's sincere, moments that mattered and moments that should last. I had to be in a thousand places at the same time to pull this off, considering the time frame given to me.
"Want me to sweet talk Kori so she could talk to Rivera into cancelling it?" Zach even had to go there. He knew I had never used connections in the past and I never backed out on any challenge thrown at me.
"No."
"I thought so." He let out a restrained laugh, something I had gotten used to this past year. It was the kind of laugh which reminded me that whatever resentment he had about me, dating, was still there in his chest, blocking his usual self when dealing with me. "Well, call me if you need anything."
"Okay."
"Oh, wait." His voice was stern, and I wondered if I had been right about the real reason he called. "I heard you'd be working on this with Geo."
Bingo. "Yes. I need access to Berkeley grounds and the Sports Complex." Given that non-athletes weren't allowed to go there without valid purposes and events. "And that photo wall is because of him," I added.
"Yes, I heard," he said, his voice still tight.
"He's gonna make sure it pushes through. Else, he won't be able to compete."
Everyone knew my brother as the wacky guy who made them laugh, and he was exactly that. Who he was, he showed to everyone. Take him or leave him be; that's how it worked for him. But he was different when it came to me. Most days, I found it a blessing. There was one side of him that only I and our parents saw. On other days, it was a pain. Especially since I had done something he just couldn't forgive.
I waited. His breathing was still heavy on the other end of the line, so I took it he hadn't fainted yet. "You there?"
"Just take care, okay?" he said. "Whatever you need to avoid…"
"Zach, you don't have to sex talk me or anything."
"Don't I, Zoey?" He was serious.
"No." I made sure my voice was just as stern. "You don't."
There was silence between us – the kind which felt like a growing distance – and I watched it expand even more.
"I hope so."
A moment of pause passed before I was able to speak again. "I miss having you around," I said, and I meant it. Every word.
"Hmmm." It was a sound of acceptance. He kind of stopped saying he missed me back after our senior year in high school. It was the year he started becoming strict on me, and I kinda knew why. "I'll see you more often from now on."
"You will."
He cut the line.
What Zach and I had before was a kind of brother-sister relationship so rare people usually got weirded out at first. Since we were kids, we went to the same school and, almost always, to the same classes. We sat together, even on the bus. When he was old enough to drive, he drove us to school and around the city. We had the same group of friends, so we hung out. We even nicknamed each other Penny and Pauly. And while everyone thought that to be a burden, I loved us that way. It was how we were raised to be.
Mom wanted our Filipino culture intact while in California. Filipinos valued families so much that they stuck together through thick and thin, even when it meant growing the family into extended families and a whole clan.
Back in our native province, our clan lived in one huge compound. Nanay and Tatay's house was its heart, since they were our grandparents, while our house, and all our titas' and tito's (aunts' and uncles') houses were around it. It was crazy whenever we went home for the Holidays. We came home to a huge clan, with more than two dozen kids running around for gifts. And that was just the kids! Mostly twins and multiples, we were never short on laughter, especially when Dad and Zach took over together.
Zach took after Dad when it came to humor. Though I loved to believe I took after Mom, I wasn't sure if I was that passionate about keeping my cultures intact, or if I was graceful enough when speaking and walking. I wasn't sure if I was as witty or as wise as her. One thing I was certain I took from her, though, was love for the arts.
What Zach said I certainly didn't get from her? The decency to at least date the right guy. And that was how we lost each other.