Hello, my name is Zayn! I'm a very unlucky and intelligent person. My life has gone bonkers, and I'm here to tell you what has made it bonkers. I was originally a normal human being, I learned how to read at 2, learned to use a computer at 3, learned how to ride a bike at 6, and learned how to code professionally at 7.
After that is when my life went into a spiral, I was hospitalized, because I tried to commit suicide. I didn't try because what you think, I have an interest with what happens after death. So I tried it out just for fun, but I didn't jump from high enough, so I only got away with a few broken bones, and my lower body paralyzed. You would think this was extremely painful, it was, but I have a gigantic tolerance to pain, so I couldn't even cry. I just unconsciously yelped at every bump the ambulance came to.
Then I ended up in the hospital for 18 years, in a wheelchair, with a big annoying mustache. Then it got even worse, I got released, and I went to the supermarket, which was conveniently being robbed. I rolled inside, looking around at all the idiotic things they were selling, then I finally saw the robbers, they were wearing cute bunny masks, with clothes with bunnies on them. On instinct, instinct, I said, "Aw so cute."
I think I looked like a pervert, because they screamed after looking at me. How would you react if you were robbing a bank, and a guy with a big mustache said you were cute? Well they did what any normal person would do and ran away. Now there I was sitting confused, pondering what made them run. I looked behind me, there was no swat, police, or any other guy with a gun there. Now here is the funny part, I was sent to trial by one of the robbers, and got sentenced to a lifetime in prison, for... you know what this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard... physical abuse. I, a man in a wheelchair, was sent to prison, because of physical abuse. While the people who convicted me were threatening the cashiers with guns, it was the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard, and even seen.
I was sent to prison, they made me a new wheelchair made out of plastic, because I was too dangerous to wield metal. Now this got even more ridiculous, while in prison I was looked at like everyone was scared of me. Then one day in the cafeteria, a guy came up to me to punch me, because he was new. He came up to me and tried to punch me. He slipped on the newly mopped floor, I backed my wheelchair away. His head fell on the METAL bench, then his head fell on someone else's foot, which made a *CRUNCH* sound. Which then caused the guy whose foot got crushed, to scream like a pig. He kicked the guy on the floor's head, which caused the guy on the floor to bleed way too much, and the guy who just kicked him to jump up and down holding his foot. Then he slipped and hit his head on the tiled floor, which made him also bleed to much for comfort. Once this ended I was already inside the corner trying to keep my laughs in.
The guards that were ALREADY inside the room asked what happened. I was then apprehended forcefully, because I was not moving from my 'seat' (aka wheelchair). I was then hauled into a room with no one but me inside, put on a bed, and was not given my wheelchair. A few minutes later a guard came and told me I was going to meet his superior, and told me to get up. I was helpless at this point and told him, "I can't walk, I need my wheelchair." He then got angry and dragged me off my bed, into an interrogation room, where his supposed superior was. I was asked a few questions, then I was sentenced to death, which happened when a new recruit accidentally fired off her gun and hit me right through the middle of my forehead.
After that I met, the one and only superior being who resides over our world, Loki. He looked pretty entertained as he looked at a green screen, which looked like it was playing my life for him. That was when I got a bad promotion. This was not going to go good for me.