Lmao, yes, this is not a chapter.
I will definitely be disappointing some people but in case you haven't noticed yet, this author is the lazy type. But I will talk about a few things though, might interest you, might not, I don't know.
I'll just add that to the list of numerous things I have no idea of.
This past month has full of ups and downs for me, personally and literary-ly and stuff. I mean writing-wise.
For one I realized something very important. And that is...... My writing is SHIT!
Yes, shit.
And this is not one of those…. "Ah, I think I am really ugly." And then the…... "That's a lie, you are actually really beautiful." Kind of situations. I am saying this with true to honest pure intentions in my heart when I say my writing is shit.
It was so painful that I found it hilarious! There I was trying to re-edit my previous work and I'm not even talking about the heaps of typos that seemed to appear out of thin air for me, from the writing style to my delivery, all was just out of place.
I suddenly got emotional at one point when I realized that there were people still willing to read the book even when I as the author thought it was that bad. You guys are really making a grown man cry with how big your hearts are.
Either that or you are really tolerant to high-level bullshit, in which case I say, Jolly good old chap, you're a good un.
I will be honest and say that my writing style is not delivering my story exactly how I pictured it to be. And I discovered a lot of plot holes in the earlier chapters from facts to character behaviors and such.
I told one of my friends that I felt I started the book too early... - (I planned to write this book for over two years before I uploaded the first few chapters. It was mostly procrastination but still, quite diligent of me, ehn? But apparently, even two years is too small when you are planning a project as big as I am doing) - .... I said I found a lot of words and actions done by characters in my earlier chapters that I felt didn't match with the persona I have of them in my head.
When I told him that though he told me I was overthinking it. He told me that if I had never started writing, I wouldn't have solidified the characters to the point where I would feel some words or actions were off-character in the first place.
I agreed with him because what he said made a lot of sense. But then my guilty conscience for writing shit and knowing that I could have done better still gnawed at my insides.
There were definitely a lot of things I could have done better and as I edited (even re-wrote a lot of parts because I felt they were different kinds of levels of wrong) and corrected the errors in the earlier chapters, I found more and more of these things which kept breaking my heart, really.
Although I would have to admit that my writing style has shown slight improvement towards the latest chapters as I increased my vigilance and started employing editing apps and such (None of my friends seem to be good editors apparently, useless cowards….. ) I still think about the fact that a year from now, I would re-visit these chapters and probably still bang my head on a wall in frustrations on how bad they will look to me.
I guess it is the curse that comes with gradual improvement. Like the way your brain keeps reminding you about that one thing you did when you were 12? You know, that thing? ... That you always try to forget? ... You're thinking about it now, aren't you? That SUPER embarrassing stuff that leaves you blushing in shame?......
Good, now that we are all feeling embarrassed, let's continue. I preach true equality. There can be no judgmental gazes here.
Well, I have done most of the edits though, I never realized how much I had written until I actually had to read through it all, holy shit.
I will be releasing them slowly because it feels like I have dyslexia at this point. Some things just seem to vanish in front of my eyes so I have to go through the chapters slowly, I really don't want to have to do this again.
I will be posting new chapters again though, the next one will be coming tomorrow so that's that.
Thank you for listening to a stupid author's useless rants.
And for what I have been doing this past month, I know you didn't ask but I'm feeling very chatty. I have been reading the light novel, Overgeared.
The book is very nice, although the MC was a retard at the beginning, seeing him getting smarter and OP, as the book developed, was really satisfying. The adventure themes and all are really good. One of my role model novels when it comes to VR-gaming.
But if there's one thing I really loved about the novel though, then it is its comedy. I am a big-time comedy fanatic and most of my favorite adventure novels have heavy comedy themes.
I for one like how the author censored the cursing to make it more family-friendly. ( unlike a certain author – cough! Cough!). when you're seeing a character getting angry and instead of cursing by saying something like….
"This fucking bastard!"
You instead see something like…..
"This XX person!"
I don't know, it just does something to me. The delivery is always amazing and it leaves me chuckling every time.
I would then imagine a character like my MC who tends to curse every time he gets slightly excited. I know it is not a very nice trait but it is a copy of the original, me. I have bad control over my curses and it flows out of my mouth like a bottle of cola after it has been shaken vigorously while having a whole pack of mentos stuffed in.
I have been trying to curb it recently by saying stuff like….
"This XX is a XX person! Really an X!"
And stuff like that. I don't know if it will eventually work though but I will be reflecting on the progress in my MC. If you ever read a fight scene with the MC where he doesn't curse even once, just know that it was a mission accomplished.
Well, I am tired of saying nonsense. I'm sure you are tired of reading too. I shall be on my way then.
By the way, the title of this episode is "RAG". It actually meant something when I started writing this but now…. I have forgotten.
I have disgusting sleeping habits and it is affecting my recall abilities. Glitches, one of my friends calls it.
Basically, I imagine memories, forget some, mix some up, and all very effective. Most of my memories now are lies and I can't trust em!
Maybe when my sleep pattern gets better, I can finally remember if I actually confessed to my crush last Saturday or not and stop ghosting her text out of fear and embarrassment.
LMAO! That was a joke! I don't have a crush because I am actually dead inside...
Okay bye.