Ilang oras din ang ginugol ko sa loob ng kwarto. Hindi na ako binalikan ni Friedan. Marahil ay abala na ito sa pagpaplano kung paano ako ipagkakanulo sa LOU at kung paano ako maitutungo sa pagdudugtong-dugtong ng zero artifacts. Hindi ito umalis ng bahay. Wala akong narinig na pagsara o pagbukas ng main door.
This moment, I felt like a weapon being experimented on by LOU. No one, even Zilla, in the organization ever tried to tell me why we were collecting the zero artifacts. That alone made me feel a sense of betrayal. Leaving someone in the dark without trying to explain why he must be left there was a betrayal of trust. Leaving someone questioning things even if you know the answers was a corruption of peace of mind, of trust.
It's betrayal.
Sa tindi ng magkakahalong damdamin sa aking dibdib, kung anu-ano na ang tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon. Gusto kong gumala o kaya'y umakyat na lang ng bundok mag-isa. I needed space where I could have a temporary peace. Dahil kapag nagtagal pa ako sa bahay na ito, pakiramdam ko'y masasakal na ako ng sarili kong emosyon. Sa sobrang bigat, ramdam kong unti-unti na ako nitong hinihila sa hukay ng kalungkutan at kawalan.
I didn't want to be lost at this moment. I still have a mission to accomplish. I had to know what or who caused my parents' demise. I wanted to know what the urions are after.
I had to clear my mind so that I can think right. I knew this emotion was just temporary that would distract me from making the just and right permanent decision. I wanted to make things right this time.
For my parents.
Biglang tumunog ang cellphone ko. Someone's calling.
It's Phelan...
Unang beses sa mga naunang pagkakataon na tila natuwa ako sa presensya ng lalaki. Pakiramdam ko'y sumang-ayon saakin ang tadhana.
Mabilis kong hinablot ang telepono. Ayaw kong umulit pa ang ringtone nito at baka matiktikan ni Friedan na may binabalak ako. The guy wasn't easy to escape.
I pressed the answer key.
"Hey, k--kamusta?" his melting voice sounded like he just got off of his bed or maybe was on his bed.
"I am so stressed out here. Ang hirap," I answered with all honesty. No restraint. Straightforward.
"Sunduin kita?" he immediately responded. Narinig ko pa ang tila pagbangon nito sa kama at ang mahinang hampas ng kobre sa higaan.
"San naman tayo pupunta?"
"Kahit saan. I can take you anywhere. I've been thinking the same, too. Nababagot ako," tumawa ito ng medyo pilit, "you know how fun things can people do when they're bored. It's instant. No plans. No restrictions! Just pure adventure and fun!"
Napalunok ako. Phelan sounds so weird today. Hindi naman ito ganito. Ang Phelan na kakilala ko ay hari ng mga bully, mayabang, at walang pakialam. I was talking to a Phelan that was quite close to my ideal. Quite close to Friedan.
"Why are you being so extra sweet today?" I released a sudden chuckle.
"I-- I t-- j--," nabubulol na usal nito saka bumuga ng hangin mula sa baga, "You're the only person I can trust right now. Ayaw kitang mamatay sa stress, so I guess I should take care of you. Precious people must be spoiled for once, Kiera!"
Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa sistema ko pero bigla kong naramdaman ang pagbulusok ng mainit na sensasyon sa aking mukha. I was blushing and I definitely knew why.
I cleared my throat and diverted the cheesy lines, "M--magbibihis lang ako," nauutal ko ding sabi.
"I'll be there in twenty, with or without your Friedan." His voice so manly, authoritative, and powerful. Parang ibinaon no'n ang teenager side ng lalaki ng minsanan.
I felt like I was speaking to a mature and grown-up man. Phelan looked more mature than his age. Matangkad kasi ito at may mga features na hindi mo aakalain mula sa isang disi-otso anyos na lalaki lalo na ang defined jawline nito. He's a model for god's sake so he must look intimidatingly that way.
Pero dati, his mature looks didn't jive with his personality. Nakikitaan ko pa ito ng pagiging childish noon. Someone I'd never paid interest on. He'd bully me, pay attention to his fans, and spent most of his time with all the nonsense.
But now he's different.
Hindi kaya dahil nagising na sa katawan nito ang pagiging hybrid? Just like Roen. Roen can be rude and arrogant but you can always see the maturity in his words.
Maybe. Maybe it was a hybrid thing.
Naputol ang pagmumuni-muni ko nang mapagtanto kong susunduin pala ako ng lalaki biente minutos mula kanina. I just wasted two minutes staring at the wall.
Mabilis kong tinungo ang banyo para maligo. Hindi ko alam kung naririnig ako ni Friedan sa ibaba pero wala na akong pakialam. I had my freedom when I turned eighteen. I should be making decisions for myself which he respects.
With the zero artifact waiting and his Cirius-given mission to lure me to solve it, I hoped he respected this decision too--hanging out with Phelan.
Friedan was a nobleman. He kept his words. One thing I admired about him; but now with the mission critically at stake, I did not know where his loyalty lies.
I was afraid to know the answer. I was just so afraid that I would dare to ask nor test it.
Kaya gusto ko munang tumakas pansamantala. To clear my head and welcome new ideas that were either painful or bloody or diplomatic.
Pagkatapos ng ilang minutong pagiging aligaga sa loob ng kwarto, bumuntong hininga ako sa harap ng malaking salamin na nasa tabi lang ng aking dresser. I was wearing a white jumpsuit na pinatungan ko ng ponderosa pine colored long cardigan enough to cover a portion of my legs, a padded triangle bra on the inside, a brown ballard pull on, and a leather-trimmed straw hat.
I laid my hair free-falling down my shoulder blades and kept away my eyeglasses. I wanted to look outdoorsy and sexy and yet maintaining the conservative image I had kept for years.
Habang pinagmamasdan ko ang itsura ko sa salamin, pakiramdam ko'y binuhusan ako ng kaunting kalayaan. I had been wanting to look like this. I had been wanting to look free and confident.
Bumusina sa labas ng bahay ang sasakyan ni Friedan. That guy had the nerve. Talagang hindi ito natatakot sa presensya ni Friedan slash Astrid the fourth.
Nagsimula akong kabahan. Deep inside my heart, I knew somehow Friedan would stop me from this idea. Pwede naman kasi akong sa bintana na lang tumakas nang hindi nahahalata ni Friedan. I had done it once.
But come to think of it, where was the sense of freedom if I kept on sneaking with fear from this house?
I inhaled deeply and then exhaled. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses kong ginawa 'yon bago tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto.
Pagtuntong ko sa hagdanan, una kong namataan si Friedan malapit sa pintuan. Narinig nito marahil ang busina ni Phelan at napagtanto ang mga nangyayari. Nang makita ako nito'y tila nakakita siya ng multo. Nanlaki ang mga mata nito at nagsimulang dumausdos ang mga panga pababa. Napansin ko ang paglunok nito habang pinagmamasdan akong bumababa.
He looked stiff habang papalapit ako sa pintuan kung saan siya nakatayo. He cleared his throat and his handsome face gazed at me, "Kiera, we've talked about this guy."
I looked at him straight in his dark chocolate eyes without a thought of losing the gazing game, "Phelan is the only human I can trust right now, Friedan. Ilang araw na akong napapalibutan ng mga outcross, urions. Hindi na ako makahinga. I just need a moment to feel human. To be human."
There. I said it. Straight without mumbling. I thought of not wearing eyeglasses too.
"There are a lot of human friends out there, Kiera. Not this guy."
"You sound like my dad! Again." I glared at him and try to hold the knob but he's already holding it.
My hand was wrapped around his.
"Just the two of you? Alone? You wouldn't hang out with this guy. I know this guy. I know you!" he insisted.
"You know me. Yes. Very well, pero kilala ko pa ba ang sarili ko na binuo mo sa loob ng labingwalong taon?" I said.
My words went through straight to his gut that he wasn't able to utter a word for a moment. Maybe it put him into a realization about this whole guardian thing. I loved being around him but, sometimes with all the LOU rules which he faithfully followed, he had compromised happiness and freedom.
Sana mapagtanto niya kung gaano kahigpit at kasikip ang hawlang inakala niya'y lugar na magiging komportable ako.
Lahat ng nasa hawla, lahat ng nasa kulungan ay gustong lumaya. Kahit saglit lang.
Napalunok ito. Bumitiw ang kamay nito sa seradura ng pinto. Napayuko. Bagsak ang mga balikat na umatras upang bigyan ng espasyo ang aking daraanan.
Napansin ko ang pamamasa ng gilid ng mga mata nito na pilit niyang kinukubli. Malungkot nitong sinabi, "We'll talk when you get home. Please take care. Don't cut your lines, it w-"
Tinaasan ko ito ng kilay nang magsimula na naman ito.
Sa wakas ay ngumiti ito kahit na halatang pilit. Kusa nitong binuksan ang pintuan. Naroon pa rin ang kalungkutan sa mga mata nito. His face wa full of doubt.
Humakbang ako palabas. Pero bago ako tuluyang makalabas ng bahay ay naramdaman ko ang mainit na palad nito sa aking kanang balikat.
I gazed at him wondering.
His gorgeous face next to mine.
Then his hand grabs the back of my head. He pulled me closer to him, almost hugging me. The next thing I feel was his warm lips kissing the top of my head.
Then he whispered, "I'll wait for you here. Please take care."
Tumango ako saka ngumiti ng tipid habang namumula ang mga pisngi ko. Mabilis kong tinungo ang tarangkahan.
As I walked towards the gate, I saw Phelan who might have been watching all the scenes. Nakasandal ito sa kanyang metallic Lamborghini Veneno, nakalabi na tila nakokornihan sa napanood.
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