'Knickknacks and other useless souvenirs.' I stared at the sign in disbelief and realised that I read it right the first time. Finally, a shop owner with some self-distance, I thought and entered the small shop. I had been travelling to New Zealand with my partner Elaine for a week, and I could hear her vaguely exclaiming, "Don't go into a store with that name, they won't have anything good to sell."
I ignored this voice of reason and entered the shop. I was approached by a man looking like one of the hobbits from The Lord of the Rings trilogy. He was four feet tall, with a spectacular moustache and with mannerism from the 19th century. 'Wow, an authentic New Zealander,' I thought to myself as he approached me, with a jar of mayonnaise in his hand.
"Mayor's Mayhem Mayonnaise," the man said and showed me the jar of mayonnaise. "What kind of name is that, and why would I want a jar of mayonnaise?", I asked in bewilderment.
"It called so because I am the Mayor in this town. This town is famous for its' mayonnaise, and I will cause mayhem if you don't try it and buy it," The hobbit-like man stated.
I looked at the man for hints on whether this was a Kiwi practical joke, but he just looked back at me with a serious face, without even hinting a smile. I had no use for a jar of mayonnaise, but maybe I could buy something else, I thought. I looked around and much to my dismay, the shop only sold mayonnaise!
The man was stomping impatiently with the mayonnaise jar uncomfortably close to my face. "Uhm, how much for a jar?", I asked tentatively.
"Ah, finally a customer!", the man said and smiled with a broad toothless grin. "A-ha! For this fine mayonnaise, only 20 dollars." The man replied proudly. $20 for some mayonnaise, what a scam! And I didn't even need it. "I am not interested," I said and took a few steps away from the man. "Do not dismay this village, causing the Mayor's Mayhem!", The man warned with a hostile voice. After that, he slammed the glass jar unto the floor, splashing mayonnaise on the two of us.
'Stuff this!', I thought and made a run for the exit, with the Mayor of Mayonnaise Manor in pursuit. Chased by the angry hobbit, I forgot to look around when exiting the store and I stumbled and fell headfirst into a large inflatable swimming pool filled with mayonnaise.
As I got up from the barrel, I heard a familiar catchphrase: "Surprise, you are on candid camera!" Bloody Kiwis! Fortunately, the royalty from my short-lived TV career financed another week of travelling, and I got to see a lot of the beautiful wilderness of the country, far away from the New Zealand population. To this day, my partner Elaine hasn't stopped laughing!