"Senor, please come with me."
I sighed in resignation when the Colombian customs officer called me over. We had landed at El Dorado International Airport in Bogota, and I'd rather not have this headache. Strictly speaking, I didn't carry any contraband items. Although I'd prefer if some random border official did not examine my alien artefacts!
"Senor, times are tough in Colombia. Perhaps we can help each other out." The border official insinuated. I studied his name tag. It read 'Miguel Santos'.
I hated corrupt officials. It was always a tricky balancing act when asked for bribes in countries like these. If I was too keen to pay, they would see me as weak and press me for more money. But if I was too obstinate, they might detain me for hours. In the worst-case scenario, they could plant confiscated drugs in my bags to make my life difficult.
"Miguel, I don't find you helpful at this stage. I have a hotel to get to after a long flight." I replied irritably.
"Well, Mr Orchard. I am a hard-working official who is doing my job. My duties include random bag checks, and the process could take several hours if you don't cooperate." Miguel replied.
"And how do you suggest that I cooperate?" I sneered.
"Like I said, times are tough in Colombia for hard-working government officials." Miguel hinted.
Now I was in a dilemma. Flaunt my wealth, and I would have every corrupt official in the country pursuing me. While it wouldn't bankrupt me, it wasn't the kind of attention I wanted. But, if I were too obstinate, I would also face troubles ahead. I pretended to be an ignorant tourist and handed Miguel a 2000-peso-banknote.
Miguel shook his head and replied: "That, Mr Orchard, is less than a dollar. It won't feed my starving family!"
I faked surprise and replied: "Oh, I thought that 2000 was much. I have never been to Colombia before. How about this one?" I asked and handed Miguel a crumbled 50,000-peso-note.
Miguel studied me for a few seconds, and then he took the banknote. That will do fine. You're clear for entry to Colombia. I hope you'll enjoy our famous Colombian hospitality." Miguel said and brandished a big smile with several missing teeth.
"Thank you, Miguel. Have a wonderful day." I said, grabbed my bag, and walked off.
I made a mental note to make sure to carry enough cash for bribes. While it was irritating that some custom official blackmailed me for $20, I was wealthy, and the money didn't matter to me. Although it would have helped if he could say the sum straight away without all the hinting and goddamn guessing games!
***
"6-0, 6-0. I am back with a vengeance" I exclaimed.
"Impressive. I didn't think you had it in you. What did you do?" Sebastian asked.
"We spent six months in Switzerland, pursuing creative goals. During that time, I had daily lessons at the tennis school that formed Roger Federer." I replied.
"Oh, really? I thought that was an academy for gifted youngsters. How did you get in?" Sebastian asked.
"Money rules the world my friend. It wasn't cheap but I did get in. I got flogged by the kids but persevered and here I am! 6-0, 6-0!" I replied proudly.
"Yeah, I'll play you a few more times. Can't let our tennis career end like this!" Sebastian said.
"Be my guest. I'll stay here in Bogota for another week before I travel around the country. But let's eat. The place across the road looks promising. My shout!" I said, and we headed to the local restaurant across the street.
Once we were inside the restaurant, I ordered one of each dish from the menu. While it was a waste of food, I'd rather support local business owners with my cash than corrupt officials.
"Did you enjoy the food?" Sebastian asked Elaine.
"Yes, you must send me the recipes later on social media!" she replied excitedly.
I smiled. No matter what the mission was, Elaine hadn't lost her love for food.
"So how are your books going? Any sales?" Sebastian asked.
"The latest one, James Locker book 3 had a million downloads. But I don't charge money for my books. It's my gift to humanity." I said and winked.
"Any new fans?" Sebastian teased.
"Well, it's probably a good thing that I use my pen name Martin Lundqvist, instead of Martin Orchard on the books." I said and pointed my tongue out.
"Your books are not that bad. I read several of them." Sebastian replied.
"That's because I paid you to narrate the Spanish translations," I remarked.
"The payments certainly helped to keep me interested," Sebastian admitted.
A waiter came in with dessert, and I realised that I wouldn't get fitter today either when I saw the yummy selection. After finishing everyone's desserts, Sebastian unbuckled his belt buckle and spoke. "So, where are you guys visiting in Colombia. I am happy to take you around. I offer mate's rates!"
"Cool. I am open to suggestions, but we need to be in Valle de Los Muertos by next Thursday." I replied
Hearing this, Sebastian's playful attitude disappeared, and he looked at me with a worried face. "Valle de Los Muertos? Why on Earth would you want to go there?"
"Oh. I thought I told you. I came to Colombia to look for the alien treasure that is only visible on leap years in the Guane People calendar." I said jokingly.
Looking for the lost Guane people alien artefact was my real purpose for coming to Colombia. But, since I realised that I would sound bonkers to an outsider, I passed it off as a joke.
"Well, I am happy to show you other parts of Colombia, but I cannot take you there," Sebastian said seriously.
"Why is that? Do you have an angry ex-girlfriend living there?" I teased.
"A cartel led by the infamous Andres Juarez controls that region. He is the most brutal drug lord ever to torment my beautiful country. You'd be crazy to go there." Sebastian stated.
"Alright. Let's catch up tomorrow, and you can direct us to some better destinations." I replied as I didn't want to discuss the matter closer.
"Very well. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Sebastian said as we paid and left the restaurant.
***
"What shall we do?" Elaine asked with a worried tone.
"We'll have to proceed as planned. The temple is only visible once every four years. Neither Rangda nor I can accept a four-year-delay because of some two-cent drug lord." I replied.
"Is that you or Rangda speaking?" Elaine asked.
"The two of us are in agreement on this matter," I stated.
Elaine seemed nervous, and she paced over to the kettle in our hotel room. "Would you like some tea?" Elaine asked.
I looked at her sceptically and replied. "Yes, but let's not change the topic."
"Okay, so you insist on going? Then we should get some help at least." Elaine said.
"What do you suggest?" I asked.
"Well, Josefina Fiero is running one of the largest companies in South America. Perhaps she can send some people to help us." Elaine suggested.
I considered Elaine's proposal. I hadn't heard anything from Josefina since our meeting in Peru the previous year. She had helped, but she had also planted secret cameras in the equipment that she had given us. And what about the helicopter she had sent looking for us? In my paranoid state after the Zetan drone attack, I had assumed that she had sent men to kill us. But if that had been the case, she would have tried again at some stage. Nonetheless, I didn't trust Josefina, and I didn't want to involve her in my current mission.
"No. I don't trust Josefina. Besides, we are better off visiting Valla de Los Muertos on our own. Bringing armed guards will only bring us more attention." I said.
"We'll get enough attention as it. We don't exactly blend in, here in South America." Elaine replied.
"Correct. We better get some guns for our own protection. Let's organise this trip tomorrow." I said and drank my tea.
"Yes, let's rest. We have busy days ahead of us." Elaine replied and went to bed.
***
We were having lunch at a local restaurant in the jungle of Valla de Los Muertos. It was the rainy season, so the jungle was humid and hot, not comfortable for sightseeing. But we were here on a mission. Tomorrow was the day when it was possible to open the secret door to the lost Guane people temple. A door carved into one of the mountains that surrounded the valley.
We had just finished our meals when trouble walked in, in the form of two local enforcers for the Juarez cartel. I looked down at my food, hoping that they wouldn't notice me. As it turned out, my hopes were in vain, and a bearded man wielding a machete approached me.
The man stopped uncomfortably close to me and spoke. "Hey, Gringo! Who gave you permission to visit this region?"
The man's breath stank of booze, he had scars and tattoos all over his face, and his gold teeth made his clenched jaws extra fearsome.
"We are here as tourists. I can show you my passport and the stamp from immigration." I replied.
"Bullshit! No tourists come here. You are CIA dogs. I know it!" The man roared.
"Look. If this is about money… I am willing to pay you." I replied.
The gangster's response came in the form of a fist to my face that knocked me to the floor.
"Money? Do you think this is about money? Fucking dog. Andres Juarez has more money than he can spend. This is about respect. You were pissing on us when you entered our territory without our permission." The gangster shouted.
I tried to get up, but I collapsed in a heap when the other gangster ran up to me and kicked me in the chest.
'Danger, danger' The Zetan Monocle displayed. 'No shit' I thought.
'Authorise lethal force.' I sent to the monocle, and the combat mode opened, which slowed down my perception of time. I rolled around, and I grabbed the small revolver, which I had holstered at my ankle.
The targeting indicators showed that I would aim for the head of my enemies. But I was angry, and I wanted them to suffer. I shot off the testicles of the man who had kicked me and then swiftly did the same thing to the gangster with the machete.
I got up on my feet, and I shot both my adversaries in the kneecaps. Then I picked up the machete and slammed it into the shoulder of the machete-wielding man, pinning him to the floor.
"Let's go!" I shouted to Elaine
"What were you doing? There were non-lethal options." Elaine shouted back.
"Those assholes didn't deserve living!" I said.
"But what if the police come?" Elaine asked.
"I'd worry more about the cartel! Let's hurry to the Guane Temple. We need to grab the artefact and get the hell out of here!" I replied.
Elaine didn't want to argue anymore, and we ran to our rented jeep and left the scene.
***
"Why isn't anything happening?" Elaine asked in disappointment.
I stared at the empty cave wall looking for an answer. We were in the right place, and from the inscriptions in Pachamama's temple, a secret Zetan temple would reveal at this location. Of course, the temple wouldn't reveal itself, lest it wouldn't be a hidden temple, but there would be a way to find it.
We had deciphered the code to open the door in the time that had passed since our Peruvian expedition. At least we thought that we had. Since there was no Rosetta stone for the Zetan language, all our speculations were guesswork and I hated to think that we might be wrong.
I reassured myself. Even if Elaine and I had misunderstood the Zetan language, there would be one that knew, Rangda. I decided to contact her to find out why the Zetan text wasn't visible.
"Rangda. I am certain that we are in the right spot. Why isn't the Zetan symbols visible?" I asked. "You bloody fool. You should wait until midnight." Rangda hissed.
"What are you talking about? It's ten minutes past midnight?" I replied.
"The Zetan temple is aligned to solar midnight. Humans are using time zones, giving a large area of the Earth the same time. But that is incorrect. Your area will have astronomical midnight in ten minutes." Rangda revealed and disconnected from my mind.
"It's okay, Elaine. I spoke to Rangda. The Zetan code will show in ten minutes." I said.
"I hope you're right. I want to get out of this place. We are in serious trouble." Elaine replied.
I nodded but didn't say anything. A few more minutes of waiting and then we'd find the artefact hidden behind that cliffside.
A few minutes later, I felt excited when blue luminescent Zetan symbols appeared on the cave wall. This was it. Now I needed to decipher the code using the monocle and the hints from my Zetan tattoo. Then we'd find the passageway to the Zetan temple, which would hopefully contain the primordial Zeto Crystal.
'Danger, danger' my monocle displayed, and I heard a voice. "Hijo de puta! Hey motherfucker!"
I turned around, and I saw a large group of cartel members dressed in combat gear, aiming their assaults rifles at us.
'Likelihood of surviving armed encounter is extremely low. You're recommended to surrender.' The monocle displayed. I glanced at Elaine. It seemed that she had received the same recommendation. "We surrender!" I shouted to the armed men, and I raised my arms up in the air. A few of them walked down in the cave to subdue us.
"What is that blue text?" One of the men asked.
"It's just blue luminescent paint. We are making phony documentaries for the internet." I replied.
"Whatever, motherfucker. The boss wants to see you, and you won't like it!"
After saying this, the man hit me in the back of the head with the stock of his rifle, knocking me unconscious.
***
I woke up from shock when someone poured a bucket with icy water over me. I was in my underwear, tied to a chair. A greasy South American man sweating in his expensive suit, smiled menacingly towards me.
"Mr Orchard. I assume you are not feeling so tough now?" The man said.
"I have been better. I assume you're the boss around here, Andres Juarez?" I asked.
"Yes. And you're a CIA agent sent her to cause me trouble. For that is why you have come Mr Orchard?" Andres asked rhetorically.
I didn't respond. I had no time for these bloody conversations. I needed to open the Zetan temple while it was still the correct date in the Guane people calendar. The last thing that I wanted was a four-year-delay!
"I don't have time for this shit. I have places to be. Let me go now, and nobody will get hurt." I said with a chilling voice.
As expected, my terrible attempt at diplomacy didn't work out very well. Although to be fair, I don't think any diplomacy would work when you are the prisoner of a drug lord after killing some of his men. Andres swung at me with a mighty haymaker punch hitting me over the monocle. The force from the blow knocked me to the ground. As I hit the ground, I heard the welcome sound of a crack, indicating that the chair I was bound to had broken.
As I got back to my senses, I looked up and I noticed that Andres was in pain. He had burned his hand from hitting the invisible forcefield that protected the monocle.
"Puta. What fucking CIA technology is that? I burnt my hand, mother fucker!" Andres shouted.
"You think this is CIA technology. This is Zetan technology controlled by the Xeno Empress Rangda Kaliankan. You have signed your own death warrant, Andres!
"Shut the fuck up, American dog!" Andres' henchman exclaimed and kicked me in the kidney. Ouch!
"Bring the wife," Andres said to one of his men.
A few minutes later, Andres henchman dragged Elaine into the room.
"Mr Orchard. You have been naughty. I will rape your wife in front of your eyes. Then I'll kill the two of you slowly. This will send a message to the CIA to stop sending people after me!" Andres said chillingly.
I realised that the only way to get out of this was to invoke Rangda.
"Rangda. Please help me. I need you to get me out of this mess. I want you to help me kill them all, kill the whole bloody cartel." I said
"So, you are giving in to your rage? Excellent I will help you." Rangda replied.
After that, I felt how my blood was surging through my veins. I ripped the ropes that bound me, then I grabbed the closest henchman and used him as a human shield. I grabbed the pistol from his holster and shot Andres between the eyes before he had the time to react. The other henchmen fired at me with their submachine guns, but my human shield absorbed all their bullets.
I shoved the lifeless corpse in front of me and swiftly fired off four headshots, killing all the militiamen in the room.
"Set your monocle to combat mood, maximum casualties," I shouted to Elaine.
"But it states, 'excessive collateral damage predicted'." Elaine objected.
"Don't worry about that. We need to get out of here. We need to fight!" I roared.
Elaine grabbed a submachine gun and some magazines. Then she had to dodge as more adversaries had reached the scene and bullets were flying around our heads.
"What do we do?" Elaine whimpered.
I slowed down my perception of time using the predictive capabilities of the monocle. If we were to fight our way through the house, we would minimise collateral damage. But then we would have less than 20 % chance of survival. But if we took the zipline down to the military attack helicopter in the middle of the compound and fired off all the weapon systems. Then we would face catastrophic civilian casualties, but our survival rate would be 78 %.
I fired back at the closest militiaman and killed him, and then I shouted. "We'll take the zipline route. Get on my back!"
I got up to the window and grabbed hold of the zipline with both my arms. Elaine got on my back, holding on to me with her legs and one arm while firing her submachine gun at enemies with her other hand. The terrible noise of the submachine gun firing next to my ear deafened me and made the whole battlefield seem surreal.
At the end of our zip line ride, we fell to the ground close to the attack helicopter. A militiaman attacked us with a machete. I dodged his strike and slammed him in the head with Elaine's empty gun. Then I ran to the helicopter. I smashed the window with the stock of my rifle, and I got in.
I couldn't control the helicopter as bullets were whizzing around me like angry bumblebees. Instead, I was crawling on the floor of the helicopter. I flipped all the switches, and I fired off all the weapon systems aimlessly.
After a few seconds of cacophony, I looked up, and I saw corpses and fires all over the complex.
"Get in the chopper!" I shouted to Elaine, but she shook her head.
"It's no use. You destroyed the helicopter." Elaine replied.
I realised that she was right.
"Come with me, there is a functional car over there!" Elaine shouted and ran towards the car.
I followed her, and we got to a limousine with many bullet holes and the dead driver sitting in the driver's seat.
"I'll drive!" Elaine shouted, and she threw the dead driver out of the car, while I leaned back in the passenger seat.
Elaine drove the limousine throw the main gate to the compound. I witnessed the destruction the attack helicopter had caused on the nearby village. Stray rockets and missile from the helicopter had caused several buildings to explode. The explosions had caused the cocaine and meth labs to destabilise and blow up as a wildfire spread across the valley.
"Elaine, I don't feel too well!" I wheezed as I noticed the multitude of bullet holes riddling my body.
"Hold on, we are getting out of here!" Elaine shouted as she was driving towards the serpentine road up the mountain, which was the only way out of the valley.
"More trouble!" I wheezed as several cartel members on motorbikes were firing after us with their submachine guns.
Suddenly, time slowed down to an almost standstill. My monocle revealed the hidden pistol in the glove compartment of the car. As I picked up the gun, and a few tiny targets appeared on top of the hill. I fired instinctively without thinking.
As time reverted to normal, I realised what I had done. My monocle was still set to cause maximum damage. So, instead of shooting the pursuing cartel members, I had destroyed a large fuel cistern causing it to flood down the hill with petrol. The pouring petrol caught fire when it hit the flames below and it engulfed the motorbikes in pursuit of us.
In the last second, I grabbed the steering wheel from Elaine and caused our car to drive off a cliff into a small lake to avoid the pursuing wall of fire.
The impact from the car crash knocked me unconscious.
***
"You created a massive mess, Mr Orchard."
I opened my eyes, and I was in a windowless, advanced medical facility. Elaine, James Winter, Josefina Fiero and Pierre Beaumont was in the room.
"What happened, James?" I asked in confusion.
"You caused a big mess, and you died. You have been dead for days." James replied.
"I don't understand?" I asked.
"Your death is unremarkable. You got hit with many bullets, and your car crashed into a lake. I don't know whether the bullets, the crash, or drowning caused your demise, but in the big scheme of things, it's irrelevant." James stated.
"But I am not dead?" I asked.
"Yes, your resurrection is a miracle. Elaine asked us to bring her and your body out of Colombia. You were dead. We put your body on ice, and we were planning to do a thorough autopsy. That's when Pierre called us and said that he wanted to try to resurrect you with a special type of blue sapphire. Somehow the crystal that did nothing to other corpses we tried it on, brought you back from the dead." James revealed.
I was silent for a few seconds and took it all in. Eventually, I spoke. "So, what happens now?"
I noticed that tears were running down Elaine's cheeks, and she spoke. "I am leaving you, Martin. I fulfilled my marriage obligation and I stayed with you until death did us apart."
"But, I am not dead now though." I objected.
"I know, and that is what makes this painful to me. The wildfire, which you started during the battle with Andres Juarez, burned down the entire village. This killed hundreds of innocents. I know that you chose to accept collateral damage during battle mode to increase your chance of survival. It wasn't right. I saw the devastation that occurred. Small children dying from burns and suffocation. All this because you value your own life higher than that of your fellow humans." Elaine ranted.
"But, baby. I did it to save you as well." I replied.
Elaine wiped her tears and replied. "I know, and I still love you. But I cannot wake up next to the man who will give me constant nightmares about burnt children. Besides, I have some new goals."
I nodded to acknowledge what Elaine had said and replied. "I understand. What are your new goals?"
Elaine's face shifted, and she looked proud as she replied. "Well, Pierre and Josefina made me realise my true potential and what I am meant to achieve."
"I see and what is that?" I asked.
"It's time for me to crush my duplicitous uncles. It's time for me to take control over the Harapan Conglomerate and elevate my fellow Indonesians to glory." Elaine replied.
"Okay. I wish you the best of luck." I replied.
"Thanks. I am leaving now. But I'll always be your friend. Let's keep in touch and let me know if you ever need any help." Elaine said.
After that, Elaine left the room.
"I am leaving as well. As charming as you guys are, I have got a business to run, and I am already late for my flight. Can I expect continued support from the CIA and the World Bank?" Josefina said.
"Yes, for as long as our interests coincide," Pierre replied.
"And they will. I wouldn't fight the mightiest puppet masters on the planet." Josefina said, bowed theatrically and left the room.
"So, what about me?" I asked and sighed.
"Well, I hope that our interests will match as well," Pierre said.
"And what are your interests?" I asked.
"Well, your resurrection is a miracle. We need to study you in this secret facility." James replied.
"And I suppose it would be detrimental for me if our interests don't coincide?" I asked sarcastically.
"Yes, that would be extremely unwise on your behalf," James replied.
"But don't worry. Your stay here will not be that long. After helping us with our research, you are free to go." Pierre added in.
I sighed and didn't respond. Coming back from the dead to get dumped by my wife and then get locked up in a medical facility as a guinea pig. What a terrible resurrection experience!