Love.
Love takes time.
Love takes dedication.
But most of all, if you're not careful.
Love takes all.
I put my pen down as I finished my homework.
"Damn, that took waaay too long."
I stood up from my seat and jumped into my bed, messing up all the order that was there before.
"It's because of her."
I check my phone for messages, none received. I bury my face into a pillow.
It all started a year ago, I was classmates with this girl called Mio. At first, I didn't even pay attention to her. She's a very bland girl with nothing really particularly attractive about her. She's just…normal. Don't get me wrong, she doesn't look bad, but she doesn't look good either. Let's see, I don't even know how to describe her without her looking bad but I'm pretty sure you know what I mean.
We both have a mutual friend and she introduced us to each other. Nothing much happened after that. We talked with each other every now and then, but it's just idle chatter.
But just this year, I started noticing her more and more. Her long, black, luster hair which I suddenly found beautiful, her piercing eyes, her awkwardness when it comes to meeting someone she's not completely familiar with, even her wearing different colors of long socks as the days progressed. I started noticing all of those.
This is such a new feeling for me, and it's not all happy times remembering those. Sometimes…Who am I kidding, most of the time, it hurts. Admiring someone you just can't have. It's like, our lives are parallel to each other.
No point of intersection.
***
Morning comes and my natural alarm clock, also called birds, are chirping outside. It's 7:00am.
"I still have a lot of time before school, guess I'll take this one slow."
Classes start at 8:30, so, I have an hour and a half. No problem about that.
I cook my breakfast which consists of a sunny side egg and rice, then went straight to shower.
"Crap, I'm all out of shape and this hair's getting a little bit annoying."
I whispered to myself as I look at the mirror after taking a shower.
Staring back at me is a tall guy with very messy hair and a slim build.
After checking the room one last time, making sure that the TV and the other things that are supposed to be turned off are indeed off, I leave for school.
I live in an apartment with 2 floors and 6 rooms, the rent is cheap and it's close to my school. Two birds with one stone.
I live in the 2nd floor and Megu, a classmate, lives in the ground floor. Apparently she's been staying here longer than I am. Not like it matters. Megu's our student representative and for some reason, she always waits for me in front of our apartment's gate.
"Wow, Haru, you're up early today. I thought I had to knock on your door non-stop again."
The short girl with a short bob cut said with a bright smile. She has a fair complexion and a pretty face, the type that would be the "school idol".
"Shut up, Megu. That's the number one reason why I sometimes wake up with a bad mood."
I said as I continue my way towards her.
"Ehh? Is that how you treat your class rep?"
"Your position has nothing to do with it, plus, nobody told you to wake me up. I can wake up on my own."
She looks down with a faint smile.
"Let's go?"
I invite her.
"Sure. Let's go!"
She said with brightness on her face. I swear, this girl is just sunshine and rainbows.
The weather's clear and perfect. I wouldn't mind taking a longer route since we have the time. But Megu needs to be in the classroom as early as she can, so I didn't bring it up.
"Hey, so. How's it going with Mio?"
Megu's question caught me off guard.
"Eh? Ah, no progress."
"When do you plan on confessing?"
Her tone turns serious.
"You really think I have a chance? She doesn't even look my way."
I look down, as I spout the harsh truth.
"..."
She stays quiet.
"She's still not interested in me."
I look away from her.
The wind blows and the trees dance to its music. Leaves fall down, decorating the way to the school like some kind of grand entrance.
We finally reached the school entrance.
Our school's a Japanese Private High school with 3 floors and a rooftop, each floor with different levels, first years are on the ground floor and so on. And God-knows how many classrooms/rooms. The school's well maintained because we actually have janitors unlike other schools around here.
The facilities are complete, from tennis court to gymnasium. It's also home to various successful clubs that has won things locally or even internationally. Hell, even our Anime club won at a cosplay convention.
You could say, our future is in good hands.
We proceed to the entrance which has our shoe lockers.
"Haru, I'll go to the teacher's lounge, you go on first."
"Yeah, sure."
She rushes to the lounge, while I take my time putting on my school-provided shoes.
I make my way to my classroom in the second floor and open the sliding door.
*Hmm? Where's Mio? She should be here by now.*
I make my way to my seat.
"Hey, Haru!"
A tall, glasses-wearing guy makes his way towards me.
"What is it, Kou?"
"Nothing really, just checking out on you so you won't feel lonely."
Kou takes the seat next to mine.
"Lonely, huh."
I said with a tone of resignation.
"If you think I don't know what's happening to you, then you're deeply mistaken."
He said while playing with his pen.
"Did Megu tell you?"
"Man, we've been friends for what, 4 years? Megu doesn't need to tell me anything for me to know what's happening to you, dude. I just used "dude" and "man" in a sentence, plus 10 man points, dude."
"If you didn't say the last sentence, you would've sounded cool."
"Ah, crap. I messed up!"
Kou said with a smile.
"So anyway, I want a clear picture of what's really happening. I do know it has something to deal with Mio, but what really is the problem?"
He continued, whispering.
"Huh, I don't even know myself. All I know is that it hurts, and I just want it to get over with."
"Haru, that's not how you should treat it. Yes, it hurts but it pays off. Well, sometimes."
The school bell rings and everybody shuffled back to their seats.
"Well, I"ll be going back to my seat now. Haru, I know you can do it. I believe in you."
Kou leaves with a smile and a thumbs up.
That guy's saying cool things all of a sudden. Sheesh.
Megu walks in without even looking at me, I mean, come on. I'm just beside the rear entrance…or exit. However you use it.
Well, she's probably in a rush.
Mio arrives as soon as Megu takes her seat. Early enough not to be late.
She waved hello and I waved back. She goes to her seat.
Even waving hello is bittersweet. Damn.
***
Science class comes and we have an experiment to perform today. The teacher asked us to divide ourselves into groups of four, and as you may have already predicted, I ended up with Kou, Megu and Mio.
"Wow, what a coincidence!"
Kou said with a very bad acting voice.
"Coincidence my ass."
I replied.
"Shush, you two, and help us prepare the materials."
Megu intervened.
"Yes, ma'am."
Kou and I replied in unison. Mio just smiled.
The teacher explained that it's basically burning magnesium ribbon. I didn't listen as to "why" we're doing it but, hey, we're burning something.
Our teacher signaled us to start the experiment, so we started. We each had a magnesium ribbon in hand and we're all going to burn them one by one.
"Alright! I'll go first!"
Kou ignited the wick of the alcohol lamp and put his tong-clipped magnesium ribbon near the fire.
A bright blue light sprung into existence at the part closest to the fire and we just watched the fireworks created by the small ribbon.
"Yo, dude. This is cool."
Kou said with a smiling face.
"Yeah, hey! hey! I'm next!"
Megu ignited hers.
While the two of them are looking at their ribbons happily, I approach Mio.
"You okay?"
I asked her.
"Yeah, I'm good."
Mio produces a faint smile.
Megu and Kou's ribbons ran out, so did their happiness. They look at me in hopes that I'll shine mine to them and get their happiness back.
"Fine, fine."
I give in.
I hold my ribbon with a tong and put it near the fire. But before it reached there, I felt a slight tug on my shirt.
"Huh?"
I look at the direction where the tug came from and saw Mio with her hands on her chest and breathing heavily.
"Mio?! Mio!"
Mio's legs give in and I was at the right place to catch her.
"What happened?"
The teacher approaches us, face filled with concern.
"Mio collapsed!"
Megu answered.
Well, isn't that obvious?
"I don't know what just happened, but all I know is that I need to carry Mio to the Nurse's Office. Megu and Kou, you guys clean this up after class. Sir, please excuse us."
I lift Mio into a princess carry and stepped out of the classroom.
"Thank you, Haru."
Mio tried to form words and said those in short gasps.
"Shh, don't speak. Just relax."
The road to the Nurse's Office is a long one, not in a distance way, but in an "everyone will see me" way. The stares I'll be receiving and the teachers that will look at me as if I'm trying to run with her and continue our lives together is too damn high.
But does it even matter when the girl you love is in your arms and catching her breath?
No, it doesn't.
I rush to the Nurse's office, taking the easiest route which involves a staircase.
"Excuse me!"
I shout as I pave the way to the Nurse's office.
After almost a minute of people looking at me as if I'm some kind of kidnapper, I arrive in front of the office.
I put Mio down beside the sliding door.
"Hold on, I'll see if someone's inside."
Mio answered with a weak nod.
Seeing her like this is new, it's the first time I saw her this weak. Most of the time, she's independent, and knows what she's doing. It's more like she's the one being relied on. But now, she's relying on me.
I slide the door open and checked if there's someone inside.
"Is anyone in here?"
I said with urgency.
"Yes?"
The school nurse stood up from her seat behind the curtains.
"What is it?"
She added.
"My friend here is breathing heavily, she might be experiencing asthma or something."
I pointed at Mio.
"Quick, bring her inside. I'll prepare a bed."
The nurse opened the curtain of one of the 3 beds in the room and straightened the sheets, while I carry Mio to the same bed.
After putting Mio down, I sat down the nearby chair.
The nurse went to the medicine cabinet to grab an inhaler.
Meanwhile, Mio motioned for water. So I got up to get her some water from a nearby vending machine.
"I'll be right back."
She nods in reply.
As I make my way to the nearest vending machine, a teacher approached me.
"Haru, I saw you bringing Mio to the Nurse's Office, is she alright?"
The teacher inquired.
"She had an asthma attack."
I push the button for bottled water in the vending machine.
"I see, I'll inform your other teachers. If there's something else you need help on, just ask the nurse."
"I will. Thank you, sir."
He heads to the teacher's lounge while I make my way back to the Nurse's Office.
I slid the door open and see Mio sitting in the bed.
"How're you feeling?"
I ask her as I slowly approach her side.
"A little bit better."
She said in a very quiet voice, almost a whisper.
"Good."
I hand her the water bottle with a sigh of relief, and a smiling face.
"Ehh.. So even you make faces like those huh."
Surprised by her comment, still said in a whisper, I look at her.
"Huh?"
I said, totally caught off guard.
"Nothing, it's been a long while since I saw you smile."
She puts down the bottle on a nearby table and smiles at me. I sit down on the chair beside the bed.
"Huh. Where's the Nurse?"
"She told me to call her when I feel bad. She's in her office."
"I see."
Awkward silence filled the room for what seemed like five minutes until Mio decided to speak again. But this time, with a more stable voice.
"It's the first time I relied on someone. I didn't have an older brother or sister, you know."
I just look at her, as she continues her story.
"When I was a little kid, my father left the family which resulted to my mother depressed for quite some time."
I put my hands on the bed in an act of interruption.
"Are you sure you want to-"
Before I could even finish what I was saying, Mio put her index finger on my lips.
"Shh, keep quiet. Just listen."
She said with a smile.
Surprised by what she did, all I could do was put my hands on my lap and nod.
"With my mother depressed, she forgot to take care of herself, and since I was just a grade-schooler back then, I couldn't really do much. I can perform basic household chores, but that's all I can do."
She continued her story, holding her hand towards her chest.
"With Mom not being able to attend to her surroundings, I learned to take care of her and also myself. Eventually, she recovered, just this year. Because..."
Tears fell down her cheeks.
"Mio."
I hold her hand.
"You don't need to force yourself. If you can't talk about it, you don't need to."
She grips my hand tighter.
"No, as of now, you're the only one here by my side, and these feelings are just waiting to explode. Plus, I've been wanting to talk to you like this for quite some time now."
After composing herself, she continues her story.
"It's because Mom found another man."
*Another man, huh*
"It could've been perfect if it stopped there. But Haru, it didn't. This person who I don't even want to call Dad, acts differently when Mom's not home."
My eyes widened with surprise as I see where this conversation is going.
"Mio, are you getting abused at home?"
She looks at me with what can only be described as the eyes of someone who's broken, but at the same time, it's the kindest eyes you'll ever look at.
"Why do you think I wear long socks everyday?"
I grab both of her hands and pull them close to my face.
"I'm sorry."
I didn't even look at her this time, I'm just looking down, with her hands close to my forehead.
"For what?"
She asks, sincerity evident in her voice.
"I didn't realize you're hurting."
"No need to be sorry, it's the first time I talked about this to someone else anyway."
"And that confused me as well. Why me? Why talk to me if there are others?"
There was a slight pause, she was probably thinking.
"Hmm… It just felt like you're the right person to talk to."
I look up to her.
"No other explanation?"
And with a smiling face, she said,
"No other explanation."
"I see."
I said, with a smile on my face.
***
Mio took a nap the whole afternoon up until the school bell rang where I woke her up.
"Mio, school's over, are you okay now?"
I shake her body gently to try and wake her up. Her eyes slowly opened.
"Yeah, I think I'm fine now."
She sat up while rubbing the sleepiness away from her eyes.
"Here's your bag, Megu and Kou brought them here when you were still asleep."
I reach for her bag and give it to her.
"I see. Thanks."
She stands up and wears her backpack. I follow suit.
"Let's go?"
I invite her.
"Sure!"
She accepted with an upbeat tone, telling me that there's nothing wrong anymore.
After saying our goodbye to the School Nurse, we head to the shoe lockers. Kou and Megu is standing beside the entrance, waiting for us. We open our lockers and changed our shoes.
"So, how's our newlyweds?"
Kou said with a smirk.
Honestly, I'd spit my drink if I had one but I didn't have one with me so I just looked like a very surprised person.
"What..?"
Is all I could say.
"Oh, we're fine. Hahaha."
Mio actually went on with it?!
"Hahaha, alright. Let's go home now!"
Megu said with her trademark bubbly personality.
Inquiries were made as to what happened to Mio and she answered them. Not like there's a lot to ask, but apparently people were really worried about her.
"Yeah, the whole class was worried, you know?"
Kou said as we walk towards the station where we drop him off.
"Yeah, even the teachers were worried."
Megu added.
If they were really worried, they could've just paid a visit.
"Really? I'm sorry, it's nothing serious."
Mio said apologetically.
After a few minutes of idle chatter, we arrived at the station.
"Alright, guys. Here's my stop. I'll see you guys tomorrow!"
Kou did a two finger salute and walked to the station's entrance. Megu, Mio and I continue our way home.
Two blocks passed, and it's Mio's turn to part from us.
"I'm going this way, see you guys tomorrow."
Mio waved with a smile and went on her way.
Megu and I continued to walk towards our apartment, but I felt like I need to say this to Megu, I've made up my mind ever since Mio started to talk about herself, I'll even offer her my home so that she won't suffer anymore. The thought of it…just hurts…a lot.
"Megu, I plan on confessing to Mio tomorrow."
Silence followed those words.
"Megu?"
Megu turns her head towards me.
"Yeah, I heard you. Well, then I guess good luck!"
She said with a smile.
The rest of the journey was just Megu humming happily and me following her tracks. We reached our apartment and Megu went on to her room and I on mine.
"What a rollercoaster of a day."
I whispered to myself as I change to my housewear. After changing, I checked my fridge for some ingredients to cook, but lo and behold, there's none. I actually forgot to go shopping for ingredients.
I guess I should go now, then.
Before I could even change my clothes to ones I wear outdoors, I heard a knock at the door. I walk towards the door, and open it.
It's Megu holding a pot.
"Umm, what's that?"
I pointed at the pot.
"Uhh, food...?"
She tilts her head.
"Why'd you say it as if you're not sure what you're holding?"
"Don't mind the trivial stuff and let me in! Let's eat together!"
Well, I'm looking for food anyway and there's free food right in front of me, so I give in.
"Fine, fine. Set it down the table, and I'll get the kitchenware."
"Okayyy~"
She puts the pot down on the table.
"What's that, by the way?"
I asked her so that I know which kitchenware to pull out of the cupboard.
"Beef Stew!"
"I see, bowls and spoons, then."
I pull out two bowls and two spoons and set it on the table.
"Uhh, we don't have rice."
Megu pointed out the most crucial part in any asian cuisine. Rice.
"Ah, crap."
"Hold on, I'll go back to my room and get some."
She leaves my room. This gives me time to prepare the table properly.
After setting the table properly, I laid down the couch and wait for Megu. As soon as my butt hit the fluffy cushion of the couch, Megu comes back with her rice cooker.
"Here's the rice! Let's eat!"
She exclaimed as she puts the rice cooker beside the pot in the middle of the table.
"Coming."
How dare Megu disturb my alone time with my couch. But she has food, so it's fine.
I sit down on one of the four chairs around the table and Megu seats opposite of me.
After we say our blessings, we start to dig in.
"Hey, this is actually nice!"
This stew just has the right amount of salt in it, and the potatoes aren't hard as stone. It's all perfect!
"Thanks, haha. It's actually the first time I cooked it."
"You're kidding."
"No joke!"
She said with a smiling face.
***
We finished eating and of course, if someone else cooked for you, you better be the one washing the dishes (Only applies if there's two of you). So here I am, washing the dishes.
I put the sponge under the spout of the dishwashing liquid container and pressed it down, letting the gel come out of the spout and into the sponge.
*I wonder why they call this "liquid" if it's a gel. It's not entirely liquid, it's like… Semi-liquid. Well, I guess it'd be weird to call it Dishwashing Semi-liquid. *
As I start scrubbing the sponge on the surface of the plates, Megu, who is looking at me from the couch, called me.
"Umm, Haru?"
I stop scrubbing and look at her.
"Yeah?"
She plays with her hair before she starts speaking.
"Are you really sure that you want to confess to Mio tomorrow?"
I thought we're done with this?
"Yes."
"I see."
She paused for a while, then smiled.
I continued to wash the plates.
The room is filled with silence, nobody talking, just the TV and the water from the faucet making the sounds we need for it to not be 'too silent'.
After a while, I finished washing the plates and the pot she used for cooking the stew. She also gave me the leftovers so I'd have breakfast tomorrow.
"Yo, I've finished washing the dishes."
I called her over.
"Oh, thanks! I'll just take my stuff and go home. I've stayed for too long."
She gets up from the couch and heads over to the sink to get her stuff.
"You can stay longer if you want to."
"Nah, I'm already done making a fool of myself. Good luck with tomorrow!"
She grabs her stuff quickly, says goodbye, and leaves the room.
Done making a fool of herself? What'd she do for her to get embarassed like that? I mean, I actually thought she was very dependable in times like this. The way she said it as well, just had me thinking about it as I take my nightly shower before going to bed. I wonder if something happened.
After brushing my teeth, I get out of the bathroom only to hear someone knocking on my door.
"Hold on!"
I shout to whoever is outside.
I quickly grabbed random clothes and tried to dress myself up as fast as possible, then ran towards the door to open it.
"Yes?"
I see Megu looking down.
"Megu?"
"Haru, I tried. I tried."
She raised her head, finally revealing what's been hidden.
"Megu? Why are you crying?"
Tears trickle down slowly across her face.
"I tried! But I just can't!"
Tears continue to flow down.
"Tried what?"
"To forget about my feelings for you!"
Her legs couldn't handle it anymore and she falls to the ground.
"But I just can't!"
She looks down and puts her hands on her eyes as an effort to try and stop the tears from flowing.
I couldn't say anything, and just stood there looking at her.
"And what's funny is that I don't even know when I started feeling like this. I just suddenly found out that I'm in love with you!"
She tried to form words between her sobs.
"But then, I found out I was too late. So I just decided to suppress my feelings."
She looks up at me.
"And I still failed."
I compose myself and sit on the ground as well.
"Megu, I'm really sorry that I didn't notice."
She wipes her tears one more time.
"Don't you know how much it hurts knowing that you only have eyes for Mio and I don't even stand a chance?! It feels like something is drilling a hole in my heart, and it hurts so much that I want to die!"
I have no answer. I just look down, I can't face her like this.
"I kept thinking 'Why couldn't it be me?!, how can such a simple girl beat me?! Am I really that unattractive?!', those thoughts plagued my mind."
She picks herself up.
"Then I learned that you'd confess to her tomorrow, and it took my everything just to hide my tears and sadness."
I look up at her face.
"I know that you don't share the same feelings. But it actually felt like I was being toyed with. My mind tells me to stop thinking about you, but my heart kept on going, looking too much into every action you make."
Tears overflow from her eyes.
"In the end, it just resulted in me getting hurt. While you, don't even feel anything. Not even my sadness, you don't even know when I'm sad or not. Do you know why?"
She wipes her tears.
"Because for you, Mio is the only girl in your life."
A short pause followed.
"But it's fine, I'll stop this at once. I won't bother you and Mio anymore."
Then, with a pained smile on her face, she said
"Because I know that even though I give it my all. I won't be able to win this race."
***
Megu left about half an hour ago, but here I am still sitting outside staring at the sky.
*She really did a number on me. I'm so stupid.*
Of course, those changes in her emotions and random silence when talking about Mio has to mean something. Why didn't I notice? Why didn't I look more into it? Why did I just consider her as a happy-go-lucky person?
I kept on contemplating about that as I sit in front of my door and look at the stars.
Well, even though it's too late, I do have something that I admire about Megu.
Which is her courage.
Confessing to someone isn't easy, in fact, it's hard. You cannot keep a straight face, and sometimes, you cannot find the right words to say. But she did, she found the exact words to tell me, and that left me speechless.
And her emotional capacity.
It's how she kept those emotions to herself, up until she couldn't anymore.
Those are just admirable, in my opinion. I guess you could say that I 'like' that part of her. But I just can't see her as a romantic partner. I can only see her as an annoying big sister, but I guess you can scratch that one out now. Our relationship's probably ruined now, isn't it?
I stand up and get inside of the room.
There's just a lot of things that happened today, and it made me tired.
I guess that's it for today.
***
Morning came and somehow I feel refreshed. I got up a little bit early so I have no worries about being late for school. In fact, I'm already on my way to the school and it's still 8:00am. I guess Megu helped me get the stress out of me too.
I arrive in front of the apartment gate and Megu's still not here.
Maybe she's still recovering from what happened yesterday. I guess I'll walk alone for today.
Walking with Megu everyday going to class, I didn't realize that she actually plays an important part of setting the mood for the day. It just felt so sad walking alone, and as if the weather agrees with it, thunderstorms can be heard in the distance.
I'm safe since I actually brought my umbrella, but I still have to hurry. Umbrellas won't really stop the rain from getting my pants wet, especially when it's this dark and the thunderstorm is approaching.
Seeing the school entrance, I sprinted because I felt like the thunderstorm is just behind my back. Reaching the shoe lockers felt like winning a race against the weather.
"Haru?"
A small voice coming from my back called me. I turned towards the source of the voice.
"Yes?"
I see Mio looking at me with concern painted on her face.
"You're sweating. What happened?"
"Ah, I just ran from the entrance to the lockers, because I felt like it's going to rain soon."
I said, still trying to catch my breath.
"Oh, yeah. It is dark after all. Hold on."
She opens her bag, searching for something.
"Here."
She hands me her handkerchief.
"Oh, thanks."
I use it to wipe the sweat on my forehead.
"I'll just wash it and return it to you tomorrow."
"Oh, it's fine. You can keep it."
She smiled.
"Umm, Mio?"
"Yes?"
"Can we meet at the rooftop before the classes start?"
"The rooftop?"
She looked confused.
"Ah, yeah. It's kinda dark and it'll probably rain soon. I'm so-"
"No, it's fine. Let's meet there later."
She cut me before I can even finish saying my sentence and immediately left.
After changing my shoes, I walked slowly towards my classroom. The hallways are kinda empty, since it's still a little bit early.
It's kinda lonely.
I slid the door open leading to my classroom, only to find out nobody is inside. I don't even see Mio's bag on her seat. Did she go straight to the rooftop?
I hurriedly put my bag down on my seat and left for the rooftop.
Cold, stinging winds greeted me as I open the door.
I see Mio standing in the middle of the rooftop, under the dark blanket of clouds. Her back, facing me.
I closed the door and then walked slowly towards her.
"Mio."
She turned to me.
"Yes?"
I inhaled deeply, and exhaled. Preparing myself of what's going to happen next.
"Mio. I know that we've only known each other for a year."
I paused for awhile.
"But I have to say that I like you. Will you please go out with me?"
I held out my hand and bowed my head.
Silence followed my words as they fade away from the sounds of thunder.
I hear a rustling of clothes. I put my hand down and looked at her, only to find out that she's unbuttoning her blouse, her school jacket already on the floor.
"M-Mio?! What are you doing?"
I quickly faced the other way.
"Haru, look at me."
She said, her tone somewhat firm.
"I can't! You're unbuttoning your blouse!"
"Just…look at me…"
Her tone, very different from earlier. It sounded more fragile. Like she'll break when you touch her. Even if it's a very soft touch.
Resistance is futile.
I slowly turn to face her.
And how I wish I didn't.
Her upper body is full of bruises. Old and new, some are not even red, they're blue to the point that you can actually say it's violet.
"Mio, where did you get those?"
A rhetorical question.
"From my father."
The obvious answer.
"Why?"
"He doesn't even need a reason to do it now."
"Then he should be reported to the authorities!"
"You think we haven't done that yet?"
Her face, even when speaking about a topic like this, forms a smile.
"Then lately, he's been crossing the line."
She continued.
"Crossing the line?"
A slight pause made me time to think.
"You don't mean..."
"Yes, he took my first."
I couldn't believe what I'm hearing, I just fell silent. I couldn't speak.
"I kept on crying last night. It hurts. Physically and mentally. I had it in my mind that I'd reserve my first for someone I like. Someone I really trust."
Tears started to form under her eyes.
"And I just found that someone yesterday. Haru, I found you."
"Then-"
"But the next thing I knew, I lost my virginity to a savage man."
She interrupted me. Tears, already falling down her cheeks.
"For the first time, I had someone I could say that I love. But that dream seems so far away now. In fact, it ended in a nightmare."
She slowly started to move backwards.
I couldn't comprehend what's happening anymore. I could not understand why a father would do that to her daughter. It just…does not make any sense!
"Mio, we can still start over! I can still accept you!"
"Yes, you can accept me. I know that you will accept me. But I cannot accept myself anymore."
"Cannot accept yourself anymore?"
"You know why?"
I did not answer. I didn't have the courage to know.
"Because as we were doing it, it actually felt good! I'm being raped, and it feels good?! How in the world is that even possible?!"
Tears started to trickle down my cheeks. Hearing this broke my heart. I still could not speak. I could not do anything, but listen to everything she says.
"Can you honestly tell someone that?! Hell, you can't even tell yourself that! Can you actually tell yourself that you came from being raped?! NO!"
Her back reached the short railings of the rooftop.
"To think that while that was happening, I only had you in my mind. But it just doesn't work that way, Haru. It was still rape. It was still rape."
She stopped and inhaled deeply.
"But why did it feel good?!"
She shouted with all her heart. I felt the pain resonate through me. It hurts so much, it made me feel like there's something that's drilling a hole in my heart. Is this how Megu felt?
"Haru, that is why I can't accept myself."
She completely removes her blouse. Exposing her upper body covered in bruises to the cold, harsh winds.
"So I must do something about it, Haru. And it's something that only I can do."
She turned away from me and proceeds to climb the railings.
"Mio, NO! Don't do this. We can still think of something to solve this!"
I run as fast as I can to Mio.
"I wish there was, but I just can't. There's none, Haru."
"Mio!"
And with a smile, she said
"Goodbye, Haru. I love you."
She tipped herself over the ledge.
"Mio!"
I reached out to Mio for a last, but futile attempt to save her.
The sound of her bones breaking and screams from the students were the next thing that followed.
It was over.