That got Aiden's attention, and he felt a pang of guilt, his heart racing and his head pounding.
A few years ago, every time he got depressed, Aiden would start drinking and then it'd upset Haru. Of course, after that crazy episode when Aiden had just discovered that he was in love with Haru and lusted after the boy, he had thought drinking would make him forget just how much of a sicko he was. He had thought that drinking would make him forget about the forbidden love, but of course, he had been wrong. He had started binge drinking for three months straight, burying himself deep in his own misery. He had been on the verge of becoming an alcoholic when Haru had stepped in stopped him.
God, but he still remembered that horrendous day clearly. Sixteen-year-old Haru, young and still in his high school uniform, had begged him to stop. Of course, the very drunk Aiden had only seen one thing. The culprit who had caused his suffering: Haru. He had charged toward the boy and shoved him against the wall of the corridor as he ranted in a drunken stupor, blaming everything on Haru as he started ripping the boy's clothes from him, tearing the shirt to shreds, revealing the milky tone skin beneath. His hands had been so hard and brutal on the boy's body that they bruised Haru's flesh.
"Please stop, Aiden," Haru had begged, tears in his eyes. "This isn't you. I want my Aiden back. I want my big brother back. Please…"
Those words. The tears. The terrified look on that pretty face. Haru had brought Aiden to his knees. Fuck, but Aiden had never thought that he'd hurt the one he loved so dearly.
"I'm sorry, Haru, I'm sorry," he had said, as if the fog in his head finally cleared. He had hugged the boy then, tightly, like a precious jewel. "I'm sorry, Haru. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know. It wasn't you. You haven't been yourself lately. It's the alcohol. Why won't you tell us anything? Why don't you rely on us more, Aiden? We're family. Please, I don't want to see you like that again. I'm scared."
"I'm sorry, Haru. I won't drink like this again. I promise. I'm so sorry," he had said.
And indeed, he hadn't, until moments ago. Fuck, Aiden had just realized that he was about to head down the same path he had done two years ago, and all because he was afraid, especially after last night, that he'd really lose Haru this time.
He sighed deeply as he raked his fingers through his hair. He said, "Sorry. I'm just worried about Haru, that's all."
Mason asked, "And that's enough to get you into drinking again?"
Aiden shook his head. "No…"
Reo said, "Rely on us more, Aiden. Don't just keep everything to yourself. It's difficult watching you suffer."
Isaac nodded. "That's right. You're always bottling everything up until you're about to explode like that day two years ago. That side of you really sucks, bro. Just like when Dad and Stepmom passed away after the accident, and then again when we lost Haru to the social service people. You didn't drink back then, but you just bottle everything up and endure. I know we were too young to help back then but that's not the case now."
Mason said, "Isaac is right. It's about time you tell us what has been eating you up, Aiden. I've noticed it since the beginning of this year. You pretend to be happy but you're not, are you?"
Aiden had to chuckle at his brothers' perceptiveness where he was concerned. Maybe it was about time he stopped running away. Maybe it was time he stopped bottling up problems and started sharing with his brothers what was burdening him. After all, they had always shared their problems with him, and he in turn had always been the one who had helped them out. Now he wondered why he hadn't done the same?
He looked from one brother to another, and finally, he said, "I've been in love with Haru for a while now and it's killing me inside."
There. He had said it. He had revealed to his brothers what had been bothering him for the past two years. Of course, Aiden expected shocked silence from his brothers, but that wasn't what he got. Instead, he received a "Yeah, we know that" from Isaac.
Aiden frowned. It looked like he was the one who was being shocked. He asked, perplexed, "What do you mean, you guys know?"
Reo chuckled. "It's not hard to see. We've been living together for a long time, Aiden. You only have eyes for Haru."
Mason nodded. "Almost everything you did was for Haru. Not that you don't care about us, but the treatment between us and Haru is different. Us, we're your brothers. Haru? He's more like someone special to you."
Aiden felt his heart aching. "Was I that transparent?"
Noah said, "You can say that, but then again, Haru was even more transparent than you are."
Reo said, "You know it's hard on us watching you suffer, looking at Haru with those eyes of yours, Aiden?"
Aiden relaxed back against his chair and then asked, "How do I look at Haru?"
Noah said, "Longingly."
Aiden raked his fingers through his hair. Fuck, had he been that pathetic? To show that kind of look on his face to his brothers.
"Sorry, I didn't realize I was doing it."
Isaac said, "Whatever the case, bro, isn't it about time you do the right thing and, you know, grab the bull by the horns?"
Aiden swallowed hard at the suggestion. He asked, "But Haru and I, we're brothers."
"Stepbrothers," Isaac said. "Yeah, people will think it's shit, but you love Haru, don't you?"
Aiden nodded, chuckling. "Yeah, I love him."
Mason said, "So, you're gay and you love your younger stepbrother, what's the big deal?"
What's the big deal, eh?
Yeah, exactly what was the big deal? He was in love with Haru and he wanted Haru. There was nothing more important than cherishing that boy in his life.
He said, "You're right. I've made up my mind." He stood then.
Reo asked, "Where are you going?"
"To get Haru."
Noah laughed. "God, you're eager, aren't you? He's staying over at Jess's place. Just leave him be for tonight."
Aiden thought about this for a moment and then nodded. He sat back down as the brothers chuckled in amusement. It was rare indeed to see Aiden looking that eager and flustered. Hence, dinner commenced normally as the brothers conversed about other subjects that had nothing to do with Aiden and Haru.