After dropping Jess off in front of her apartment, which she rented with some other university students, Aiden and I headed toward home. The journey was silent, and God, it felt strangely uncomfortable with just the two of us in the car. While Jess was around, it had been lively, with Jess chatting nonstop about her awesome life as a university student, along with me. But once she was gone, the atmosphere became tense, and damn, I so badly wanted to break the ice. I also wanted to know what Aiden had said to Camille after I left them back at the restaurant, because when I returned to clear away the dishes, she was gone. Then again, I didn't want to ask, because the thought of Camille pissed me off.
"So," Aiden began suddenly, breaking the silence and drawing my attention to him. "You said you're in love? That's the first time I've heard of it."
My heart skipped a beat, and I turned away, avoiding his sidelong glance. I felt my face heat up in the dimness of the car.
I said, "It's none of your business."
Yes, I was in love all right. Sickly so, with him.
"Look, I know it's none of my business, but..." He sighed. "You're acting strange lately, Haru. You don't confide in me anymore. I worry about you."
God, he was making it worse. How the hell was I supposed to confide in him? When the person I'm in love with was him? When it was forbidden? First, I didn't even know if he would accept me for who I was if I were to tell him that I was gay. The doubt and uncertainty was already making me sick with anxiety. What if I were to confess to him that the person I loved was him, too? How would he react? Wouldn't he just kick me out and never want to do anything with me again? If that was the result, then it was undoubtedly worse than death itself.
Then again, I knew Aiden well. He wouldn't do something like that. He was too kindhearted for his own good and loved and cared about us brothers a great deal. If I were to profess to him that I was gay, he'd just accept it simply because it was his obligation as the head of the family to support me as his younger stepsibling, even though deep down, he might find it disgusting.
I said, "I know you worry about me, Aiden. But I'm an adult now. I don't want you worrying about me. I can look after myself." I turned to him then, my eyes intense on his profile. I changed the subject and asked, "Are you planning on going out with that woman?"
He raised a brow as he glanced at me. "Who?"
"Camille," I said. "Are you planning on going out with her?"
He chuckled. "What made you think I'd go out with her?"
I licked my lips, nervous suddenly. "Because she acts like she owns you."
"I'm not interested in her, Haru," he said bluntly.
I felt relief swept through me. "Good," I said, nodding my head.
Suddenly, I felt his hand tousling my hair, his thumb stroking my cheek. Fuck! Here we go again. I silently groaned deep inside, savoring the moment as he caressed me. My body became warm and weak against his gentle touches. Damn, but I wanted him to continue until we got home, at least. But alas, he removed his hand and rested it on the steering wheel. I tried my best to hide my disappointment by turning my attention to the scenery of the dark streets.
"So, are you going to tell me who it is?"
Still staring off unseeingly outside as the car sped by, I asked, "What are you talking about?"
"The girl you're in love with," he said.
I felt my heart aching as I asked, "You want to know?"
He said firmly, "I want to know, Haru."
I guessed he saw this as another of his obligations, to keep tabs on me where dating was concerned.
I sighed and then said, "What do you want to know about that person?"
I noted his hands gripping the steering wheel. He said, "Is she pretty? How old she is? Stuff like that. If she's underage, I won't allow you to date her. Not until she's old enough at least."
I chuckled with amusement. Underage? Yeah, right.
I said, "Pretty? More like gorgeous."
"Gorgeous, eh? Wow!"
I smiled. "Yep. So gorgeous that there's a lot of competition." I sighed. "Every day is a battle and every day I'm scared I'll lose that person to someone else."
"You haven't confessed to her yet?"
I shook my head. "I can't. It's impossible."
"So she is underage," he said.
I frowned. "No, that person is older than me."
We both were silent for a moment. Then he said, "I see. Why is it impossible to confess to her?"
I said, my voice trembling, just a little, "It's complicated."
Aiden suddenly pulled the car over and parked it on the side of the road. I stared at him, wondering what he was up to.
He turned to me then and pulled me into his arms, which surprised me into speechlessness for a moment. Then I relaxed and, God, but he smelled wonderful. I took the opportunity and buried my face against his chest, basking in his tight hug and warmth.
God, I love him. I love this man. I love Aiden. Why was it so difficult for me to tell him that?
"I'm sorry, Haru," he said, "that you have to go through something like that." He moved a little so that his lips were near my ear. Then he said softly, the warmth of his breath fanning on my skin, making my insides squirm deliciously, "Are you really in love with her?"
I shuddered and my chest trembled with emotion in response to his question. I nodded as I said lowly, "I really love... Aiden. I don't know what to do. It's painful, this love. I wish it'd just go away, but every day it seems to be getting stronger and..." Suddenly, I whimpered. I had no idea why or how it started, but I whimpered like a freakin' child.
Aiden tightened his arms around me as he said, "I'm here to help you, Haru. I'm your brother, after all." He chuckled lightly. "I'm sure it'll work out."