Yeah. I guessed old habits did die hard. Like me always running to him seeking reassurance and comfort whenever I got into trouble, despite being a grown adult. Well, teenage young man, to be precise.
It couldn't be helped. Aiden had been the one solid rock I could lean on when we lost our parents. In fact, as the eldest of the family, he was the only strong brother everyone could lean on for support during that painfully difficult period, despite being only twenty-one years old at the time of our parents' passing.
I sighed, feeling depressed suddenly.
Shit! Here I go again, feeling gloomy.
Hormones.
I decided to blame it on the hormones. I was eighteen years old and had never had a girlfriend. Let alone all-out sex. I was still a virgin. I could have gone to parties like most guys my age did, picked up some random girl, and just had a one-night stand like I had tried previously, but the thought didn't sit well with me. The few times I had the courage to take action, I had never managed to go further than saying hello before walking out again, feeling sick to my stomach.
Why the hell couldn't I just be like a normal guy? Why couldn't I just like girls and want to do them? Why couldn't I find boobs attractive?
Fuck! Why did I have to fall in love with Aiden, my own stepbrother?
Why?
Like hell I knew why!
My chest felt tight and painful. It fucking hurt.
I took another deep sigh, like some depressed middle-aged man with a midlife crisis, and then got off the bed. After grabbing a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and underwear, I headed out of my closet-sized bedroom.
In the hallway of our crammed six-bedroom, no living room, one kitchen-dining-sitting, and one bathroom apartment, I met Noah, the Davises' second brother who was five years older than me and was currently a brand-new university graduate at the age of twenty-three.
"Morning, Haru, you're up later than usual today," he said.
It looked like Noah had just returned from his intensive morning run. His shirt was soaking wet with sweat. Not to mention his forehead and face.
"Yeah," I said. "I didn't go to bed until very late last night."
I didn't add the fact that I was too busy masturbating while thinking about his older brother, Aiden, imagining doing all sorts of perverted stuff to him like kissing him, licking him, and sucking him, especially that large cock of his which I had seen numerous times when we used to bathe together when I was younger.
Couldn't be helped. The family wasn't well off, and with only one bathroom to share amongst six brothers, taking baths together was the only solution to saving money on the power bill. And Aiden had always been the one to bathe with me, and when you bathe, you get naked, and when you get naked, well, you were bound to see parts of the human anatomy that weren't revealed when you had clothes on.
"I know it's summer break and all," Noah said, "but it's only your first week on the job, right? You really don't want to give your employer a bad impression."
Noah, the perfectionist, never failed to lecture me on my too chillaxed attitude where life was concerned. For him, life needed to be taken seriously. Well, to be fair, life had been hard for all of us since our parents' deaths.
I said, "I won't be late. I'll bike there as soon as I'm done with showering."
After all, I couldn't afford to lose the job, since I needed money. I refused to solely depend on Aiden where that was concerned. As the only one with a stable income in the family, he had to pay a shitload of bills, not to mention there were six very hungry mouths to feed. Boys' appetites could be extra expensive.
"After showering and then breakfast, you mean," Noah said firmly. "Breakfast is an important meal of the day, Haru. You just don't eat right—that's why you don't grow properly."
His words hit me right where it hurt most. My size.
I said, "Well, excuse me for dramatically bringing down the family's average height, but I can't help that I stopped growing at fifteen."
Noah must have realized that his words pissed me off because he took a step forward and patted my head, like all the brothers did. It was their habit to pet me when I lost my temper. I guessed that was how you get treated when you were the youngest in the family.
"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm just watching out for you."
"I know," I said.
Yes, I knew that he was watching out for me, as all the brothers did. After all, that incident when I had collapsed at school from severe malnutrition had scared them shitless. Not to mention the drama that followed with social services.
"I'll have breakfast before I go," I promised.
Noah tousled my hair as he said, "Good boy."
I brushed his hand away and asked, "Can I use the bathroom first? I have work at nine today."
Noah nodded. "Go ahead."
"Thanks," I said, as I turned on my heel.
At the bathroom door, I knocked, knowing one brother or another was currently in there using the facilities.
The door opened a moment later, and Isaac, the Davises' fourth brother and a year older than me, appeared.
"Oh, Haru. Morning. The bathroom is all yours."
"Thanks," I said, nodding.
Once Isaac left, I slipped in, gladly shutting the door behind me. Honestly, I thought, once I had saved enough money from my part-time jobs, I'd find myself a small, very affordable apartment to live in while studying. Sharing a place with five other brothers was no fun at all, especially when you're sickly in love with one of them.
Yep. I'd be leaving this apartment before summer ended, any brothers' protestations be damned!