I yawned as I lazily turned off my alarm clock, lightly stretching upward to only help me slightly wake up. I really hate school days.
I went through my usual routine, brushing my teeth slowly, eating my oatmeal slowly, getting dressed slowly, just really having a slow morning.
As I slowly put my clothes on, a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, I stared at the time on my phone, wondering if I should just skip today. It had only been a couple weeks since school started, and I was already sick of it. I'm just so tired, I really need sleep.
I watched a notification pop up on my phone, and I let out a slight groan, realizing who it is.
"Don't keep me waiting too long Depra!" It was Pandora, and I typed a quick response before sending it.
"Do I have to go?"
"I'll make it so you can't sleep even if you do stay home."
I let out another, more audible groan as I put my phone in my pocket. I put on my worn-out shoes, grabbed my bag, and headed out the door.
"Aha, knew that would work!" Her purplish-orange hair, a color that a Padparadscha Sapphire would rarely have, looked more purple than orange in the shade, and she gave me a grin as she walked towards me. "Shall we go?"
"Can't even let me skip a day," I grumbled as I readjusted my backpack. "Yeah, let's go."
We walked in silence for a while before Pandora turned to me. "Hey, you feeling alright? You looked even more dead than usual?"
"Geez, thanks for the compliment…"
"No problem! I personally think the look suits you, but you're too dead for my taste right now."
A joker through and through. "I haven't been able to sleep lately. Nightmares."
"You have nightmares?"
"More often than you know. It gets especially bad during this time of year," I said, glancing at the girl next to me. "It's as if they want to take away my only sanctuary…"
"Hmm? What was that?"
I sighed. "Nothing at all Pandora. C'mon, if we don't hurry, we might be late." I sped up my pace lightly, trying to shake off the tiredness that pervaded my very being.
"Says the reason why we might be late, Depra." She also sped up, the sun finally touching upon her hair, which was now glowing orange.
"Your hair really is amazing," I accidentally thought aloud, and she stopped to look at me.
"Weird time to get a compliment, but I like your messy hair more, if we're on the topic. It's as if you were made to have that type of look."
"I've had this hairstyle long before I started highschool."
"Wait, really! Oh, this makes me wanna see photos of lil Depra so bad! You have to show me later!"
"I really don't have any picture of back then," I mumbled, scratching my head. Well, it was more like I didn't know where they were, but I really didn't want to go searching, since…
(Are you trying to forget it now? Running away again, only relying on others to get by? How greedy of you.)
"Is it wrong to not want to remember painful things?"
(So, you still haven't learned yet huh?)
"Yoohoo, Depra!"
I was snapped out of my stupor by Pandora, who was holding my face in her hands. She was on her tiptoes, and her regal purple eyes were staring intently at me.
"You okay?"
I couldn't help but be mesmerized for a brief moment, staring into her eyes. "Uh, yeah." I felt like an idiot.
"Oh good, glad I was some help!" She gave me a quick grin before stepping away from her, her soft touch lingering on my face. "Hey, we really do have to hurry now, or we'll both be late!"
I nodded, still trying to get over what happened. I shook my head. I'll just ignore it for now.
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It was lunchtime now, and I was making my way to the roof alone when I noticed Aether staring at the stairs leading to the roof.
"Oh, hey Aether." He glanced over at me and nodded at me. "So, what exactly are you doing?"
"Trying to catch the one similar to me."
Huh? What did he mean by that? "Um, okay. Are you gonna stay out here waiting?"
He simply nodded. I sighed. I really didn't understand any of those guys. And by those guys, I mean Aether, Erebus, and Eros.
"Aren't you gonna eat?"
"Eating is for those beneath me. I have no need to eat." His stomach let out a loud growl as he said that, but he still managed to keep a straight face.
I looked down at my plate and hesitated. "Do you want some of my food?"
He finally turned towards me and stared at my plate. "I already said I don't need sustenance."
"Hey, you'll die if you don't eat you know." His stomach let out another growl, and I could see in his eyes that he was struggling.
"Here, lets split it. I'm not too hungry today anyway, so I'll be fine." He simply nodded, and we sat down in the hallway. I split up my food in half (steak, mash potatoes, and green beans), and put it on his half of the plate. I offered him my spoon, and he simply nodded in thanks before devouring his half.
"That was good Depra. I thank you."
"Um, it wasn't as if I could leave you hungry."
"I don't like accepting help from ones beneath me, but you're an acceptation I'm willing to make."
"How come you don't rely on others?"
"Because I can do everything I want to do by myself."
"But, aren't you bad at everything?"
He let out a hmph before shaking his head. "I just let you plebeians think that. I'm the greatest, but it's no fun if I always win, so I let others believe that I'm the worst to have them get their confidence up, only to destroy when it matters most to them."
I was at a loss for words. I put some food in my mouth before sighing. How does he have such confidence? Where does it come from?
"The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. Imagine if you couldn't rely on yourself. Who else could you reliably rely on?" He took a piece of my steak and nodded to himself. "That's how I see it anyway."
I felt a strange feeling stir within me as his words struck me to my core. "Rely on yourself? When was the last time I did that? I honestly couldn't tell you. Hell, I don't even have an ounce of confidence in myself anymore. I don't even like the person I see in the mirror, let alone want to rely on him."
Aether frowned as he heard my ramblings and closed his for a brief moment before sighing. He ran his hand through his grey hair and opened one eye to look at me.
"Haven't you ever thought to change who you are?"
I couldn't help but laugh bitterly. "They won't let me."
"Who cares? Do it to spite them." His sky-blue eye was staring intently at me, and I was at a loss for words.
(IMPOSSIBLE!)
"I…"
"Hang out with me for the next couple of days."
I looked at Aether, who had taken another piece of my steak. "I'll tell Lachesis, so skip your club and hang with me." He grabbed my plate and stood up. "You just lack self-confidence."
"Why are you?"
"I don't teach plebeians, but I'll always make an exception for you, Depra."
I was overcome with that strange feeling again, a feeling I should have only experienced twice, and I felt my head flash in pain before it vanished as quickly as it happened, and I was only left with confusion.
But even that fell to gratefulness.
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"Alright, you're basically just watching what I do."
It was the afternoon now, and I was hanging out with Aether in one of the school courtyards. I had texted Pandora that she wouldn't have to wait up for me, so all I really had to do was just follow Aether around.
"What do you plan on doing?"
"Showing off my innumerable skills," he said simply. "Also, we're catching the one similar to me."
"You still haven't explained who exactly that is."
He looked at me with his serious, sky-blue eyes. "I don't really know myself."
"Then how could you possible know who it is!?"
He simply shook his head, as if telling me I don't understand. "I'm just simply confident I'll know it's them when I catch them."
I was already starting to feel tired. "How long will this take?"
"I don't know." Strike that, I'm already full-blown exhausted.
He motioned for me to follow him, and I really couldn't help but feel like this was a horrible idea on my part. I mean, what could I possibly do to change? But I followed him, nonetheless.
I suddenly felt a sharp kick to my back, almost toppling me over. "First things first, fix that slouch of yours. How else can you properly look down on the peasants below you?"
"You didn't have to kick me to bring that point across," I muttered, and I straightened out my back, stretching out my pain before trying to fix my posture.
Whoa, this feels even more tiring than just slouching. "How is this worth it?"
"Another thing." I saw Aether suddenly appear in my vision, and I immediately darted my eyes to the ground. "You should look people in the eye when you speak. You're not trying to speak to the ground, are you?"
"Um, I guess you're right about that…"
"Also, stop mumbling! Speak your mind properly when around others, and try not to look so miserable all the time!"
"Why does it feel like you're just trying to change my entire being…" I started to mess with my long locks of black hair, twisting it anxiously.
Aether stopped in front of me, looking at me in the eye. "I mean, have you seen yourself Depra? A real long hard look at yourself? You're a mess, through and through. Of course it feels like you're changing every bit of yourself; at this point, you don't really have any good points if I'm being honest."
That was brutal. "Anyway, we're at the first stop." I looked up to see we were at the art room. I hadn't ever been on this side of the school before, since I never had a reason to take any art classes.
Aether slammed open the door, surprising everyone inside. "Excuse me peasants, I have a need to show off my glorious skills to the boy behind me."
The teacher, stunned, just pointed at the back, and Aether nodded before whisking away, leaving me by myself. I decided to take an empty seat nearby, not wanting to bother anybody.
I scrunched up my nose as the smell of paint overcame me. I looked around the room, looking at most of the people here painting, along with many of the paintings lining the walls. They were all pretty good, although I wasn't really cultured enough to give a full review. It also looked as if they were mostly doing self-portraits.
Aether's words resounded through my head, and I tightly gripped my arms, my nails digging into my skin. When was the last time I had taken a look at myself? I honestly couldn't say. I haven't looked in a mirror in so long, I probably wouldn't even recognize the person I would see. Then again, it's not as if I like that person anyway, so maybe I'm better off not knowing.
I leaned back into my seat and let out a sigh. I'm so tired. I just wanna sleep.
(Who said you'll have peace even in your dreams?)
…
(No answer huh? You trying to ignore me now? You know that isn't possible.)
Let me sleep in peace.
(You know why the nightmares plague you.)
Shut up.
(What makes you think you can escape? You can't escape, not even in your dreams.)
Please, leave already.
(How long are you going stay wallowing in your self-pity, Depra King? You have one person to blame.)
So…tired…
(It's your fault.)
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I was in a pit, a dark, dreadful place, that no matter where I went, all I could hear were the cries of those abandoned. They would claw at my very being, taking something away from each time they did.
Punishment they called it, and I couldn't escape.
They would tear me apart, but I would feel no pain from it. They left deep gashes, but no blood would flow. They would sever my limbs apart, yet I kept moving, crying, screaming at me in their unyielding rage.
No matter how much I wished to stop, no matter how much they scarred me, they would force me to continue, clinging onto me like an albatross around my neck.
A reminder to never forget, to live the rest of my days in agonizing misery, to bear the burden for the rest of my days.
Punishment they called it, and I couldn't escape.
My Eternal Damnation.