Because I Loved You

Mihira Chatterjee:
I was sitting on the couch in my room with a pregnancy test result in my hands, ready to surprise my husband.
he was out for a business trip and was returning today. I was really happy and excited and also a bit nervous 'how will he react when I will give him the good news' and all that type of thoughts were running in my head.
to make it more exciting I packed the reports in a box. I was planning to give him all the happiness in this world. As much as I could. but.... he was planning something else.
I loved him the most in this whole world and had no one but him in my life. I was an orphan. With no one in this world I grew up as a cold ruthless person, dominating this world. Before meeting him I was like a emotionless robotic business women.
Tears of happiness welled up in my eyes I never thought that one day I would have a family of my own. A family which I could call my own. A home which I never had, all that was hanging above my head with the thinnest string.
And never in my wildest nightmares did I thought that the person who will snap that string to be none other then my beloved husband.
I was lost in thoughts when I heard his footsteps from a distance I hurriedly put the box aside. and went outside to open the door.
when I saw him I ran towards him and hugging him lovingly I gave him a quick peak on his lips. we then entered the room together when I saw him completely lost in his thoughts I asked, "hey, what happened did something go wrong in the office? You look terrible!"
He replied with an indifferent face"Nothing much."
"You sure?."
"Don't worry it's really nothing!" He consoled me.
"Are you cheating behind my back?" I asked with raised brows.
He suddenly had stiffened expression.
"Ha ha ha! I was just joking to make you relax a bit, and what's with the face? I'm sure what I have kept for you will make feel better ."
"Um.. I..I also have something to tell you "

there was an odd coldness in his voice today which I caught. but brushed it off thinking 'he seems very exhausted.'
"OK then you tell me first."
After that he let out a long sigh and started...
"Babe the thing is... don't miss understand me but..but last year back when we had a fight and after that I left for a business trip. I was feeling terrible, everything that was going on with the office and home made me really stressed. And when I was at my lowest I met Anubha, she was like a fresh breath to my dull life. I met her in an office party. only in a few days we really got close, she made me realise what life really is about. every day we went for different adventures. and during that time I didn't realise when I fell for her so deeply. When I confronted my feelings I tried to deny it and ignored her for months. But even after doing everything I could I realised it only made me fall deeper. when we met last time after a few months we found out that we share the same feelings and we decided to see where this takes us. But after a few months of going out she found out that I was a married man and had a wife back home she got really angry and left me. Only then did I realise how much of big sin I have committed. I was feeling so guilty that I couldn't meet your eyes. So to repent for my mistake I tried treating you better and did everything that could make you happy only to realise that I was fooling both of us and the biggest mistake of them all was to keep hiding from you, every day I spent in fear that you'll get to know about the things I did. it was killing me every day. everytime I kissed you it reminded me that I'm a sinner. when I couldn't take it I made an excuse of a business trip and went away from home only to find myself looking for Anubha once again. that's when I decided that this has to end. this is a grave mistake. I can't keep fooling both of you. neither can I fool myself. that's when I decided to confront you. Now it's for you to decide what happens to us....."
As he went on with his words I completely went blank. it was only after a while my mind started processing and denied thinking 'is he joking with me' and couldn't help but ask "are you joking with me Abhi. if you are then please stop here i hate these kind of jokes." But there was nothing to deny everything was right infront of me it's just that I decided to be blind.
But how can I have such a good luck in my Life the next few words from him were like a mad beast forcefully snatching away the last straw from me and forcing me to drown in the middle of nowhere."How I wish everything was joke as well but I can't lie to you anymore. I can't lie to myself anymore....." he went on and on with his words and each sentence from his mouth acted like hand pulling me In drowning me.
"Mihi i know that this is really hard for you. I realy hate myself for doing this to you but I can't do anything. And I also can't leave her. I can't live without her anymore. I want to give her all the happiness in this world. and I also don't want you to be stuck in a love less marriage like this. you are my best friend and my first love Mihi, I.. I don't know what to do anymore."
I was in a verge of braking but I still could not utter a single word. with very difficulty I asked "Can..can you please leave me alone for some time I can't take this anymore ?"
I don't know what he said next as he got up to leave.with the last strength I had in me I went up to lock the door.
with him gone from the room i couldn't hold it anymore I broke down right there infront of the door .
"why!? just why are you doing this to me? why!?