The crisp autumn wind blows gently against my face as I step out onto the balcony over looking the alley behind the little apartment I now call home. It's such a relief to finally take a break and stretch out my sore muscles. My body feels like it's ready to give out, I'm just glad I can still stand straight after moving in all those heavy boxes. I'm starting to regret not hiring someone to help me move. Climbing up and down the stairs hauling box after box really killed my back, but I don't have the money to waste on movers. After all now that I've finally escaped that hell hole and I need to save every penny I can.

"Oh well, at least the hard parts over." I say to myself with a yawn. I'll finish unpacking tomorrow, after all classes don't start for another two days. Plus it's not like I have a lot to unpack anyways, mostly just essentials. I never really owned much anyways, but still I wish I didn't have to leave most of my stuff behind when I left. If I had packed up anything else from my room then father would have noticed, and if he had caught on I never would have been able to escape. It was a lot of hard work slowly moving everything I would need into storage without him catching on. But I'm free now, I never have to see that piece of shit again.

Another yawn escapes me and I decide to head back inside. The outside air really helped to cool me down. I throw a bowl of ramen into the microwave and start getting ready for a shower. The microwave dings and I dig into my mediocre dinner of cheap ramen that's so hot it burns my tongue. But I don't care I'm to tired to cook tonight. I hop in the shower and the hot water does wonders for my sore muscles. My hair is in knots from all the sweat that got trapped in the bun on top of my head and takes ages to get untangled. I really need a haircut, my hair now falls to just below my waist.

After my shower I quickly brush my hair and throw on an over sized T- shirt, with the logo of my favorite band Metal Goddes. Luckily I made my bed earlier otherwise I don't think I'd have the energy to do it now. I heave a sigh of relief as I plop back onto my bed the old springs groan in protest. Of everything the bed was definitely the hardest to get upstairs It took me forever. Another yawn escapes me and my eyes slam shut. I'm so exhausted I fall asleep instantly on top of the covers.

.

.

. It's so dark.... Why is it so dark?

I hear a muffled voice in the distance but I can't see anything. The voice grown louder and louder, until finally I can hear what they are saying.

"Lillyyyy Cat oh lily cat...." I hear my mothers voice calling to me. "Lily baby where are you?" She calls. I try my hardest to call back but I can't make a sound. it's as if my throat has closed and I'm unable to form any words. Slowly what looks to be an old wooden door forms in front of me, it's one I recognize. It's the door to my old bedroom, it swings opens with a thud. My mom appears standing in the doorway, but for some reason no matter how hard I try to focus her face is a blur to me.

"Oh thank god I found you babygirl, listen honey I need you to do mommy a favor," she says while nervously glancing over her shoulder. "Go hide, and quickly. And no matter what you hear promise me you'll stay put. Do you understand?" She orders with a shaking voice. it sounds like she's been crying.

"Stay strong my Lily cat and always remember your Mommy loves you ." She says leans down to wrap her arms around me. I feel tears drip onto my face.

Suddenly she vanishes and I find myself crouching in a small dark closet. I can hear screaming and I cover my ears, but it does noting to silence the horror.

"You ungrateful whore!" my father yells from down stairs. It's quickly followed by the sounds of my mom whailing in agony.

"Did you really think I'd let you leave? After everything I've given you this is how you repay me!?" He roars.

"Please..." I hear my mother cry out meekly. Before I even know it I feel myself moving I've exited the closet following the sound as if I'm a trance.

My feet carry me down the stairs, past the front door and into the entrance of the living room. Im greeted with the sight of my father standing over my mothers broken and bloodied figure. The smell of blood and alcohol assault my senses and I start to feel dizzy. The look I see on my fathers face is one I recognize, it's full of pure sadistic pleasure. He lives for the thrill of hurting others. That horrid smile plastered to his face.

I quickly hide around the corner so as to not get caught and watch in horror. He proceeds to pull her up by her hair and forces her to stand on her feet while he punches her in the stomach again and again. She coughs up blood, let's out one last whimper before going limp. He let's go and she collapses onto the floor no longer moving. Father lets out a psychotic laugh as he starts continuously kicking her in the head. He calls her every vile thing he can think of, she doesn't make a sound, she doesn't move an inch. I want to help mother but I'm paralyze with fear. I know that if I attempt to intervene he will surely kill me. I slide down onto the floor and cover my eyes, the sound of his kicks making contact with mother's skull echo in my head.

Abruptly the scene changes once more. I'm back in my old room, only this time I'm sitting in bed. My father stands over me his belt in one hand. I tremble in fear pulling my knees tightly into my chest. I know what will come next.

"It looks like my Lillian has finally become a young woman," He says licking his lips. "How about we have some fun, after all it's your birthday." I can smell the booze on his breath as he reaches towards me a glint in his eye.....

"No!!!" I scream bolting upright, my hearts pounding out of my chest while sweat and tears drip down my body. I glance around as my eyes adjust to the dark remembering where I am. I let out a sigh as I realize I'm still in my new apartment and flop back down onto to bed trying to steady my breathing. Damn it! Why? I can't believe of all things that's what I'd dream of. I'm finally free of him yet he still torments me, and mom.... it's been so long I can't even remember what her face looks like anymore. That bastard burned all her pictures after that night so I have no way to remember her. I foolishly tried saving one photo, I hid it under my dresser. In the end Father found it of course and beat me severely for it. I was only six when she.... it happened. Yet here I am fifteen years later and I still have nightmares about that night. It was the last night I ever saw my mother. The sound of her screams still echoes in my head. Father tried telling me she ran off and abandoned us, but he doesn't know I saw the whole thing. I know what really happened.

I shake my head vigorously. "No reason to dwell on a nightmare, I'm free now." I remind myself getting up to get a glass of water. The clock above my stove says it's 4:15 in the morning but there's no way in hell I could go back to sleep after that. Might as well make a pot of coffee and start getting to work unpacking. I head to the bathroom to start getting ready for my day. The reflection that greets me in the mirror is a frightening sight. My raven hair looks like a rats nest of knots from falling asleep with it wet. My eyes are bloodshot and swollen. They look a dull mossy green instead of their normal jade shade. If that wasn't bad enough the bags under my eyes are so purple they make it look like I got punched in face. Top that off with how pale and haggard my skin looks and you have a recipe for a horror film. Thank god for makeup otherwise I'd be looking like a zombie on my first day of class.

I've never been particularly beautiful but I've never considered myself to be ugly either. I guess you could say I've always been quite average when it came down to it. But that never mattered to me, the attention of others or being considered beautiful. All that mattered to me was securing my future. Working as hard as I could so I could make it in life someday. That's why I was so happy when I was excepted at Carlson University, all my hard work was finally paying off. I worked day and night to ensure I could get into some where that was not only far enough away to never have to see my father again, but also I had to get into one with a great graphic design program.

I happily day dream about all the plans I have have as I quickly wash my face and get to work untangling the ungodly mess on top of my head. After I'm done I throw my hair in a braid and grab a blanket and head onto my balcony so I can relax and enjoy a nice fresh cup of coffee as I wait for the sun to come up. The sounds of early morning mixed with the sounds of traffic helps to calm my nerves. Hopefully I'll get better rest before school start. I definitely don't want to walk in looking like a train wreck on my first day.

I let out a sigh of contentment as I snuggle up in my nice warm blanket. It's funny but sitting out here all alone just unwinding is already making it start to feel like home to me. A real home, one without pain, without fear, and full of peace. I can't wait to really start my new life here.