"문득 떠올리는 건 너만의 미소
자꾸 지우려고 애써도 선명할 뿐이야
(The thing I suddenly remembered was your smile
I keep trying to erase it, but it just gets clearer)
Love
함께 나눈 수많았던 얘기들
지난 일인걸
(Love
All of the stories we shared together
Now, they are in the past)
Set me free, let me be"
-------------------------
"Where the heck are you, Yuan??"
Sweat dripping down my face, a heavy laptop bag on my back, a suitcase in my left hand and my phone in my right. In a cold dark morning, I run for the life of me on heels as I try to appease the person on the other line.
"I'm on my way, Josh. I could've been there an hour earlier if only the train did not stop working along the way to my destination". The station I'm supposed to get off is only one stop away from where the freaking train decided to halt on its track. It's a great sign that my day is going to be anything but pleasant.
"Excuses, excuses. Hurry up and get your butt here!!"
"Alright! Alright! I'm coming. Geez."
I half-run and half-jog along the street. Dang, I didn't even have a chance to put on makeup before hauling my ass here. Well, this oh-so-great Josh rang my phone at 4 in the morning telling me we have an emergency meeting at 5:30 a.m. I buried my head under the pillow to get another 5-minute nap until I hear a loud screaming voice from my phone telling me to haul ass. So, I hauled ass.
Don't get me wrong. Josh is a best friend of mine and a great colleague. He's a team leader in the marketing department. I belong to the same department, but I have a different role. Our friendship goes way back when we were only applicants. We've been together ever since: through training, even until now. I still wonder why the heck can't he ever stay away from me.
Now, here I am, in the receiving end of his steaming frustration as to why I'm still not in the conference room when it's already 5:45 a.m. Look. I know it's a habit of mine to get up late, but it's not my fault this time! I never knew our management consists of some jerks who decided to call a meeting in an ungodly hour! People are still on their beds during this time! Heck, the sun hasn't even risen yet! And no, we're not paid to be there before the time of our shift. I guess it sucks to be me.
Reaching the ghostly taxi queue area, I sat, catching my breath, on one of the available benches. Glob, I can feel the chill of the morning air. It never helped that I forgot to bring my jacket in an attempt to get to the office in a matter of a few minutes. I dropped my stuff beside me and tried to fix my face you can call a mess.
"Annyeong hi gaseyo!!" A cheerful voice echoes in the silent street as a young woman, who doesn't look like Korean, steps out of a store with a neon light sign. Shops don't usually open until 6 or 7 a.m. yet this store looks vibrant as if it's been operating for long. "24/7", the signage says. Huh. Figures.
My eyes stopped at the neon-lighted words: "This is Your K-pop".
I turned to look back to the empty taxi line. Somehow, there's bitterness. I can't help but look back to the days before. One particular memory returned. It's like a bitter bile that climbed through my throat and stayed in my mouth.
It was the memory of why I left the world I thought I can never get out.
A solid beep brought me back to my senses, finding an impatient-looking driver in the taxi in front of me. I quickly gathered my things and told him my destination as soon as I hopped on. As the taxi smoothly run through the almost car-less road, I glanced through the window reflecting the street lights and the line of closed shops, wondering what my life would be if I really never got out.
The driver might've thought the hanging dead air is uncomfortable, so he turned on his radio. A familiar melody fills the silence. If I recall it correctly, this is Taeyeon's song, Set Me Free. Wow. What a gloomy way to have a dreading journey to work.
"문득 떠올리는 건 너만의 미소
자꾸 지우려고 애써도 선명할 뿐이야"
(The thing I suddenly remembered was your smile
I keep trying to erase it, but it just gets clearer)
Somehow, the song felt nostalgic. This song was released back in time when the fire of my passion to the Korean pop industry still burns bright.
"Love
함께 나눈 수많았던 얘기들
지난 일인걸"
(Love
All of the stories we shared together
Now they are in the past)
Now, it should only be a song like any other. I shouldn't give it any meaning, but somehow, I find myself pulled back by the lyrics to the past, to a scene I wished I can forget forever.
"Set me free, Let me be
나를 놓아줘 잠시라도 쉴 수 있게
Set me free, Let me be
이건 아니야 바보처럼 웃음이 흘러"
(Set me free, let me be
Let me go, so I can rest for a moment
Set me free, let me be
This isn't right, like a fool, I keep laughing)
I closed my eyes as I lean my head to the window. I really thought I've already moved on, but just an encounter with a thing related to K-pop, I couldn't be confident about that. As the song says, I hope the memories of my fan girl life can just set me free.
"문득 지나치는 건 내 안의 미소
자꾸 떠올리려 할수록 멀어질 뿐이야"
(The thing that suddenly passes by is the smile inside of me
I keep trying to bring it back, but it just gets farther away)
One particular thing appeared in my mind, a smile. It's a smile that previously lighted up a world the teenage me thought was so dark. It was a smile that constantly drove away the things that bothered my young heart. That smile wasn't meant only for me, but back then, it felt like I owned it. Oh, how disillusioned I was.
"Set me free, Let me be
아파할수록 가슴속엔 네가 고여
Set me free, Let me be
이건 아니야 바보처럼 눈물이 흘러"
(Set me free, let me be
The more I am in pain, the more you well up in my heart
Set me free, let me be
This isn't right, like a fool, I keep shedding tears)
I forced myself to drown the memories with thoughts of my current situation. I tried to shove it off, and pretend it's not affecting me much. My mind, then, started to drift to sleep as I try hard to fight the memories wanting to return.
"I'm sorry." A familiar voice says to me.