Chen Nan stepped up and gave Chen Mu a shove from behind, "we'll keep an eye on her while you're in there. Go." As his legs went forward a few steps, he found strength to follow Lin Que back to the laboratory where a stack of drug identification reports were waiting for him to review. He could feel the stares of Susu's loved ones as his heavy steps made its way into the labs.
Lin Que stopped in front of the lab room, clenched onto his lab coat before reaching out to Chen Mu's shoulders. He sighed, "before we head in there, and discuss about the drug that was injected into her body, I need you to prepare yourself. Alright?"
"I'm fine. Let's go in. I'll beat the drug with my medicine and make sure her condition maintains stabilized." Noticing the tensed grip of his fists, Lin Que squeezed his shoulders to help him relax.
"Listen to me. Maybe the medicine that you've studied and all the herb mixtures brought you closer to curing her cancer, but this time it is different. You need to acknowledge that there are otherwise in medical treatments, especially when you are dealing with complicated substances. I know it is difficult for you to process this because of how much she means to you, but at this time, you need to prepare yourself for the worst or you won't be able to live through it."
Lin Que had seen Chen Mu's talents and capabilities in researching cures for Susu. Never had he ever thought that he would be saying these words to Chen Mu because he was a believer. He believed that Chen Mu would be able to cure her, and examinations results were the best proof. Except, this time...
"Just let me go read the results. This isn't what I need right now. I just.. I just need to figure out what it is that affected her system to come up with a cure against it. Just like that throat infection and when she was diagnosed with cancer, I fought with her. Nothing would be different this time. Nothing, because I will save her."
When Chen Mu received the call about Susu regaining consciousness, he nurtured the hope of her recovering. From days, weeks and finally months, they've already been through so many hardships. There was no way he would ever give up on her. As long as she's breathing, he would do anything to keep her alive.
Lin Que nodded, entered the password and pointed towards the desk where a thick pile of reports were stacked up waiting for Chen Mu. Following his finger, Chen Mu took the reports and skimmed through it as Lin Que summarized the results for him.
He folded his hands loosely as he observed Chen Mu's reaction, "All these reports identified different immunosuppressants drugs, in which, one of them being Tysabri or Natalizumab. This is just one of the many examples of how deadly the interactions between this drug and the Fludarabine that was used on Susu for chemotherapy are. I've highlighted the drug names for you."
Chen Mu didn't blink his eyes even once on the reports that he was skimming through. Even when his eyes turned red and watery, he continued reviewing each drug carefully; hoping to figure out a loophole somewhere. His hands were shaking when he saw how many of these drugs functioned to wreck Susu's immune system.
Lin Que could tell how broken he was at this moment, but there's no other way around this situation. He opened his mouth to continue his summary, but Chen Mu beat him to it. "I know what you are going to say next. You're going to say that the injection is already affecting her body because the drips lasted for twenty minutes or even longer. It doesn't matter whether we win over the cancer because even if this harmful drug doesn't kill her from wrecking her brain, it would lower her body's immune system to the lowest point."
His rasped voice choked as he chewed on his gums a few times. "Eventually, her body would shut down, and we have no way of cleansing this drug out of her system. The allergy attack saved her life and will let her live for god knows how many more days? Months? I can't even say years because I don't know when an infection or a cold could cause her death. Infections and common diseases could easily be fatal to her."
Lin Que stood by his side as Chen Mu shed tears and threw fists at his own chest. "She's a designer and she already lost the ability to design clothes. And now I have to tell her this?"
He sniffed and pointed at his heart, "I feel like someone just gave me everything that I have ever asked for in my life. Like I have finally accomplished something that is worth my lifetime and then ..everything made the wrong turn on me. Everything shattered right in front of me."
"Chen Mu, I know it's hard for you right now, but she also needs your strength. Like I've already said to you that you need to be able to face reality and accept it or else however the amount of time that you two have left with each other would only make you suffocate."
Chen Mu looked at the reports that he left scattered on the floor and let out a scoff. "I'll get my shit together. I'll definitely continue making medicine for her cancer. If one cup of herb tea isn't enough to get rid of a stupid cold, then I'll make a pot of herb soup for her. If that doesn't work then, I will figure ways out. I won't give up hope."
"As a doctor, you should already know that from a medical point of view..."
Chen Mu gathered the reports from the floor, stood up and shoved the papers to Lin Que. He wiped his tears and slapped his sorrow away, "don't mention anything from a medical point of view. What are doctors for if they give up before even trying. Even if those papers tell me negative results, I wont give up on her. I'll fight with her till the very end. Papers are dead, but living is hope."
"But she.." Lin Que tried to say something, but Chen Mu didn't give him a chance to say it.
"She's still breathing, isn't she? Being alive is already a miracle. I've been at the lowest point, and being helpless is not my solution. How did you think I came up with all these pills for Susu? Did you think that it was an overnight thing? No. I failed, slapped myself awake from disappointment and tried again. No matter how unsightly the situation is, I will still try with the smallest glimpse of hope that I have."
"She's human and a fighter. I'm done with these tears and spitting out how wrecked I am because I know that my girl needs me right now. Even if it's only a matter of time before some infection gets to her, as long as she's here, I'll get my shit together. She needs me to be there for her and only the energetic me could give her courage to fight whatever there is that is coming for her. Thanks for your advice and I understood the things that you've said to me, but let me ask you something."
Lin Que stuffed his hands in his lab coat, "Go on."
"God forbid, but if the same thing that happened today with Susu occurred on Lily, would you give up on her so easily without even trying?" Chen Mu pointed at the stack of reports that Lin Que had placed on the desk.
"Never." He answered without any hesitation.
"And that is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I finished venting out my anger and sadness, so it is time to do more research. Also, even if that situation were to ever happen, and you end up in your lowest point, I would give you a beating and lecture like what Lily did to me when I found out about Susu's cancer." Chen Mu reached for the knob.
"Chen Mu, let me know if you need anything. I'll provide everything you need as long as you name it. I believe that she will get better under our strict watch. I'll stand by your side and so will everyone else. You're not alone. If you ever need to release your negative emotions or just talk it out, I'll be here."
Lin Que gently fistbumped his chest, and Chen Mu did the same from a distance. This time, he remembered to enter the passcode to exit the lab. Lin Que quickly followed from behind, "two mouths is better than one sometimes. Let's tell them together."