I've finally finished unpacking. Putting a picture frame on the rack by my bed, I glance around at my new apartment. The plant that my friend bought me as a moving present sits next to an empty bottle of Prosecco and two champagne glass, remains of our celebrations last night. A bed, two pile of books and a overhang clothes rail make this half of the room look overstuffed already. A pre-owned sofa serves as a divide between the bedroom and the kitchen, consisting of a coffee table, and a comfy floor cushions which i borrowed from the café where I work and a old kitchenette that I can't wait to repaint.
This is my new studio apartment containing everything that I own. To a stranger, it might look dreary, but to me it's perfectly fine.
After a relationship that should have ended a lot sooner, I finally broke up with my boyfriend of four years, two months ago. I have been settle ever since I moved out and it feels amazing to finally have my own space. I've yearning this opportunity for so long that I don't mind outlay the extra rent for a studio apartment. Now that I've finally get a serious job, it's time to have a place of my own as well.
The last year with my ex was too much. He'd always been jealous, but the distant we grew apart, the more suffocating his controlling became. If I went out without him I would have to ignore my phone to avoid getting tons of texts and having to console him that no, I had not danced with any guys, and yes, it was a damn night without him. It got so worse that I stopped wanting to see my friends and even a night with my close friend, Jia would result a fight.
But the worst sacrifice I made was losing contact with Delun. Jia is my oldest friend, but Delun was my closest. I met him at my first job, waitressing at his Mom's restaurant. He made me laugh on my very first shift and we were close from that moment on, always sneak on our breaks with bottles of half-finished wine and tasting each route,
"just to make sure that it's FINE for the customers". I never knew that my job would motivate my future career. But even then I predict that my partner in crime would be a friend for life.
Delun is one of those charismatic guys that every girl wants to go out with. Unsurprisingly, he had a pretty, boring girlfriends for as long as I've known him. There's nothing between us, we're just friends, but I try telling my ex that. We had so many fights over Delun that I stopped seeing him and let us to drift apart completely.
There was one time when I wondered whether anything would happen between us. We'd been on holiday together to stay with his aunt's place. We had so much fun spending long, idle days on the beach, a mouthful cold beers with countless mozarella grilled cheese. It was one of the only times in years of friendship that neither of us were in a relationship. In fact, I was only there to act in for a girlfriend he'd broken up with days before.
The night before we went home he challenge me to go dive. We were sitting on the quay where one of the restaurants had placed a few tables up by the water's border. I knew he thought I would never do it and I was more than tipsy so I pulled my strapless dress off there and then and jumped straight in. The water was cold and I hurriedly go to the side, screeching.
Delun was bent forward with laughter. Reaching down to pull me up out of the water, he hold me in his arms, suddenly a flow of electricity ran between us. I hadn't been wearing a bra and, as I climb up to him, I realised my underwear were see-through from the water. Of course I felt embarrassed, but as his eyes flutter along my body, remained on my hardened nipples, I almost forgot my embarrassment. I wanted him to look at me, I felt like it was the first time that he'd really seen me. A flow of energy dash through me, tingling between my thighs. If I hadn't seen the waiter walking over just then, well, I don't know for certain, but I felt sure he'd have kissed me.
I pulled my dress on before I was seen and we sat back down to finish our drinks, but the atmosphere had changed completely. Every other night we'd been shriek with laughter and taking the piddle out of each other. Suddenly we were quiet, the air between us heavy with eagerness. I remember how excited I felt, but also how frustrated I was that this was only happening now, the night before we went home.
On our way back to his aunt's apartment, he put his arm around me, a gesture that he'd repeated a hundred times, but this one it was different, more timid, his fingers gently circling shoulder. My heart was pounding, my senses increase. The smell of salt water in my hair was blend with the fine scent of his skin. The close night air felt like it was on me with sound of music, and the people were chatting in the restaurants that we passed. Everything was unreal. My mind was already in his aunt's apartment, I sat on the side of her dining table with him stood kissing my neck, pushing my dress up to my waist and slipping inside me. Delun, my best friend Delun, licking the water off my skin and biting down on my breasts.
But none of that was meant to be. His aunt was waiting for us in a room full of friends and neighbours. In front of this crowd of people, we sneak straight back into our places, Lin and Delun, totally chaste friends.
I wasn't able to sleep that night though; it was irritating knowing that he was lying there in the next room, tempting close. I imagined him naked in bed, aggressive with the blanket in the heat, wide awake as me. I couldn't stand it, the desire that he'd aroused in me had to be released. I slipped my fingers between my legs and imagined Delun's hands running up my thighs, his hot lips and soft wet tongue inside me. I bit down on my lip and grasp the sheets. With the thought of him, hard and thick, throbbing inside me, I reached a trembling orgasm, before falling into sleep.
I kiss goodbye to Gen and Fu and lock the door of the cafe behind them as they walk out . It's been a long, busy day and they've earned their tips, showing every customer the liveliness that we take pride in at Espresso. When the owner told me that he wanted to take a step back to start a new journey, I wouldn't stop at the pay raise he offered me, I repeat my ideas for a modernization and insisted on being made a stockholder. It's a small amount, but it makes a huge difference. I no longer feel as though I'm tossing my energy into someone else's project. I'm doing this for myself and it's given me the confidence to revolve my life.
I walk through to the little back office, verifying the changes I've made with dignity. The wall that I've dedicated for local artists to display their work on is always changing. A painting of a pleased, woman with friendly eyes reminds me of Delun's Mom. I log in to Facebook at the office computer, greeting the idiotic distraction that will help me to turn off after a busy day. I click onto Delun's profile page and have a snap through his pictures. This has become a routine lately, before I know it, I find I've wasted half an hour looking at pictures of Delun on a beach in Hawaii surrounded by bikinied girls, Delun on the back of a motorbike get on one of his mates, Delun's familiar, alluring grin, Delun at a food market trade.
Then, "Hi" - a message from the man himself, appear suddenly in the corner of my screen.
I blush guiltily, does he know that I've been stalking him?
Me: Hi you, how's Hawaii or turkey ,wherever the hell you are?
Him: They were all great thanks.
Me: Oh my god! You're home?
I've burried my awkwardness, I'm so excited to be talking to my old friend again.
Him: Surely am. Want to meet up soon?
Me: Yes, I would love to. It's been too long. As soon as you will get better from your jet lag you can come round. I'm living near my workplace, in a gorgeous little cafe, Espresso, you'll love it!
Him: I've heard. I miss you Lin, it's been a year.
Me: I know, I miss you too. I'm so sorry that I never came, things were chaotic back then. When can you visit?
Him: Might have to help out at the restaurant, I'm broke, but I'll let you know.
Me: Amazing, can't wait!
Him: Me neither. :)
I walk to the bus stop with a leap in my step. I've missed Delun so much, the way he makes me laugh, his shyness if I ever succeed in making him blush, the midnight banquet that we make after a night out. I've been blaming myself for giving up in our friendship, all for my ex's self worth. I can finally see how pointless it was. Nothing I did or didn't do would have made him have trust in me. And Delun is the only guy that I've ever had a real, clear friendship with. Well, mostly uncomplicated.
I've got the next day off and spend the morning loitering around in a Market. In my mind, I plan what meal I'll pick out for Delun when he comes to the café, deciding that steak tartare, a red bordeaoux and french apple cake will be the perfect combination. I try to see Espresso through his eyes. How will he see me now I'm finally recognize my desire to run my own restaurant.
After finding a mirror, a wool throw and a box of wine glasses for the apartment , I transport my new purchases back on the bus. When I get to the door of my building there's a tall, man holding a enormous bunch of white carnation at my door. It's Delun, smiling at me widely.
"New place present," he says as I drop my bags at my feet and wrap my arms around him.
"Oh my, thank you. How did you know my place? You look so healthy? These are so pretty," I cry, joyful , confused and completely surprised.
"I went to your café and you weren't there, so I called Jia and she gave me your address."
By this point we headed the stairs to my apartment. I fix the flowers and all of my bags. Delun looks awkward, as though he doesn't know what to do with his hands.
I show him around and suddenly feel self-conscious.
"I've only just moved in, there's a lot of tasks to do on it yet," I say, ashamedly.
"It's nice, Lin," he says. He's not looking at the room at all but looked fixedly at me, really staring.
"You look more handsome." I say. Not "You look well." Or "How are you?" All I can come up with is the fact. He's toned and bigger than I remember him being, he seems to fill the whole room, high above me.
He doesn't say anything but cups my chin in his hand, touching my cheek with his thumb. I freeze. I don't know how to react, I don't want to walk over this gesture and ruin the moment. I want to lean on myself up against his hard, warm body. This is not the Delun that I remember. It's confusing that he can seem at once so familiar and so completely new and exciting.
"I missed you," he says.
I can feel how much he means it and I dash towards him for a hug, but as I go to press my face into his chest he lifts it upwards gently and kisses me fully on the mouth.
In that moment I think I'm up in the air. My longing floods to the surface and my hands run up to his face, kissing him quickly and tightly. He meet up with each of my kisses, pulling me closer, his hands up under my shirt, bringing every bit of skin to existence with his stroke. We pull each other's tops off, hungrily, as he pushes me down to the floor, undressing and kissing me all at once. When I'm right down to my pants, opening my legs to him, he stops, kneeling above me, his chest swirling above the strap of his slacks.
"I've waited so long for this moment, let's not hurry," he says, lifting my foot up to his mouth and kissing each of my toes. He moves up along the inside of my legs, licking and kissing and stroking my skin with his cheek. He is everything that I've ever imagining about and more. As he kisses my stomach, he slides his finger inside of me and he must feel how aroused I am, because he groans.
"You're beautiful, Lin,"
he whispers in my ear, "So beautiful."
And I feel it. More beautiful than I've ever felt in my life. My hips are lifted off the floor, tight and eager, willing him to go deeper and deeper inside of me. He answers each of my groans but then teases me, withdrawing his fingers with a stroke and entering again until I'm ready to explode.
I reach into his slacks and pull him, but he keeps whispering, "Not yet Lin, not yet." He waits until I come, flows of pleasure rushing through me, and with his hand still inside of me he turns me over, pulling me up onto his lap so that I'm kneeling with my back to him. I expect him to take his hand away but he leaves it in there, slowly stroking me, reaching further and further with his fingertips much as his other hand massage my breast, kissing my back the whole time. Another orgasm shivers through me.
I'm still grasping and let out in pleasure when he takes his hand away. I peek back over my shoulder and see that he's pulled a condom out of his pocket. My mind stagger, how did he know to bring a condom? Did he plan for this to happen? I expect myself to feel shock but instead I'm even more turned on.
He slips inside of me, controlling my movements with his hands holding my waist. It's totally forceful, but at the same time, I never want it to stop. I turn around and wrap my legs around his back, holding onto the back of his neck and looking straight into his beautiful eyes. "Oh God," he groans and speeds up, pushing me back onto my elbows so that he can lean forwards, and kiss my breasts.
When I see that he's about to orgasm I feel so aroused, so full of desire, that I climax again, hold him closer as we shiver against each other.
We lie back on the carpet and Delun rests his head on my stomach, slowly stroking my legs. There's so much to say but we're both too exhausted to speak and I wouldn't know where to begin.
After a minutes of just lying there, he brace his head up on one elbow and stares at me, his eyes sparkle with a smile.
"I can't believe this is happening," I laugh.
"I know, it's crazy. I thought about you so much when I was away, and when I heard that you'd broken up with Hui…"
But while we have been lying there in silence, my mind has been running away with me. I'm not ready to fall into another relationship yet,I don't know what Delun's plan is or even where he's going to live. I've just got my best friend back and I don't want to loose him again. But the idea of getting away straight back into being just friend, of him getting another girlfriend, is enough to make me feel sick.
"Delun, what's going to happen? I've missed you so much, I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I can't lose you again. And I need this time, this place, to myself for a bit. But you can't just step in here and do this and expect nothing to change. I don't know what this means to you but everything is going to change."
" Lin, calm down," he says softly, placing a finger on my lips. "I understand. I don't know what I'm doing either. I've only just got back. All that I know is that I've wanted for this to happen for a long time."
"Since the banquet?" I ask, hesitantly.
"Maybe even before that. And there's a lot list of things that I want to do with you before we start debrief this," he says, running his fingertips over my lips.
The tie of fear that's built up in my stomach shrinks away immediately. I reach across and touch his muscular arm.
"What else is on this list then?" I ask timidly.
He stands up and pulls me to my feet. Cupping my bottom in his hands he leans in for a long, slow kiss. I feel him harden against me and in one swift motion he's pulled me up off the floor. Automatic, I hook my legs around him. In between kisses and bites on my neck he starts to run off his fantasies about us.
"I want to have you in the shower, on that coffee table, on every surface in your café, I want to kiss every tip of your body, I want to taste you, outside, in my car, on that beach, I want to watch you touch yourself."
I moan as he drops me onto the bed.
lean myself up on one elbow, I slip my hand in between my legs, not taking my eyes off him.
"Let's start then," I say, feeling more confident and seductive than I've ever felt in my life before, "and when we will crossed everything off your list…"
"Don't worry about that," he says, "it's a very long list."