I look at the huge building infront of me. My decision is final, no mater how coward i can be, I will talk to him.
Since the day Tungsten and I talked i couldn't keep up with life and i kept thinking about the what if's to my un answered questions.
I'm desperate to know, because he never gave me a reason, Where was i lacking that he can comeback to the person who once wrecked him?
I fix him and he broke me after i fixed him.
I am determined to have a talk to the man who left me, i need closure. Maybe this is a way so i can finally move on. But my determination is being contradicted with my upset stomach, it's crazy how it feels like its gonna explode.
Once again, i sighed. To calm my nerves. I'm ready, yet my cold feet and sweaty hands says otherwise.
I can do this, i think?
I had long practiced my sentence, my questions rather, so yeah. That will do.
Taking my time, i walk inside the big condominium. Processing all the things i am going to say.
I can do this, tho i admit i'm not that sure if i won't break down infront of him, but if i won't do this, then when?
I'm done asking myself where i went wrong or what i lack off that i got dump and left behind. I'm done constantly screaming in my head how useless i can be that even the man i love couldn't love me.
It was that moment i realize i am now infront of his door. My mind drifted and now that im facing the door that once became mine, my heart beat faster.
With shaking hands i push the button, it took me ten seconds to have the guts to touch it once again yet no response.
I did it for four times yet no one came.
I know someone's inside because of the faint music im hearing.
C'mon, open the door.... Open it, you're making the lump in my throat heavier.
It's true that I'm ready, sort off, but i don't think i can swallow the situation if ever i saw him with someone.
Because this once became my home. Almost all our memories were shared here in this place. And to see that a girl is now sharing it with him breaks the remaining pieces in my heart.
This shit is crazy, whatever i do, whatever i think. I still can't accept that after all i gave to him, he went back in a blink of an eye to someone who cause havoc in his heart. That in the end he left me because he doesn't love me.
It is stupid when people always say that when you love, you don't expect to be love back. No, it will never be like that. Human are selfish and when they give something they also want something in return, that's not because they want it but because you need it too. Because everyone has a missing pieces that needed to be filled.
Even if you say that you have nothing to ask for, time will come you'll search for something you do not have and only others can give it. And once you found it but couldn't reach it, you will feel frustrated but contented 'cause at least you can feel like you are with it.
I was about to turn my back and leave but the door click that it made me look back.
What i saw froze me. I gawked not because i saw a girl opening his door nor because he once again caught my breath away with his dashing look but because he look like a mess, and when i say a mess. The dark circles under his eyes were too visible, his hair looks like a birds nest and his clothes... i feel like he didn't take a bath for days.
No one spoke, No one moved. We just stared at each other, not wanting to break the connection. I don't know how many tines i blink but the longer i stared at him the more i can see the hallow in his eyes.
What he did next shocked me.
He embrace me with his arms, And then he nuzzled his face in my neck like how he used to do in the past.
"I missed you"
A tear fell..