"Its okkay if I am not the protagonist in your novel . But each time I look back , i see a smaller part of myself with you . And at the end of the book shelf i feel like spending an eternity with you "
The night was cold . I had a sea facing room and the windows were open . The breezes flipped the pages of my journal and suddenly a text popped on my cell phone .
-"Bro are you awake ?"
-" yeah its not that late right ? "
-" can you just meet me at the beach? "
-" hey am almost at the end of my content , can you just give an hour so i just wrap it up?"
-"please Rahul , you can do this all day. Its a vaccation dude. "
-"its an hour just . You know its Goa so you dont need to worry about the time . The beach doesn't sleep whole night"
-"But its important . Its hitting my brain like anything . I need your help "
-"okkay... Okkay calm down . Meeting you in five minutes"
The breezes . Its shivering yet i like it.
I reached the beach . I saw an entire community having a blast of late night beach party and there was my cousin sister sitting all alone in another part of the same beach.
-"Hey , what's up? You upset?"
-"did you bring any cigerrete?"
-"yeah ,here they are . Take it."
The breezes . I think they dont support smoking. Yet the cigerrete caused a warm relief to me.
-" i am confused "
-"what happened ?"
-"You remember my long distance relationship of which i told you ?"
-"yeah what about that?"
-" Its just everything was good and now i feel like i dont love him anymore"
I looked at her . This time i couldn't inhale the tobacco . I felt like the breeze just touched my heart and it reminded me of her.
Like the waves originating from the calm waters and devastating the shores.
-"well what? I mean what?"
-"yes . I feel like his priority is on the lowlands nowadays. I am attacked by so many temporary attachments and they make me feel so good ."
-"I'm listening"
-"and when i return to home . I see him waiting for a conversation and i dont find it satisfying anymore"
-"And what do you exactly mean by temporary attachments?"
-"Here's a guy who's name is Pranay . He's although my colleague but i find something more in him . Okkay I know i and Abhi had all these moments before but now? He's just not with me . How long can i just wait for him . I dont even know if we really have a future together "
-" did you get your offer letter from the company in Bengalore ?"
-" no still not but im pretty sure about getting it soon."
-"Do you want to say more"
-"yes , look a day before we came here , i and Pranay had a moment . It felt good . But at the same time , i was feeling guilty for Abhi. I mean He still keeps expectations from me and i just cannot prevent Pranay to come closer to me"
I listened to her. I just listened . We both took a deep breath i kept calm for a few seconds and suddenly something striked my mind .
******
-"Do you love me ?"
-"i just dont know"
-"why?"
-"i dont know"
-"well i am telling you Neha , its all about prioritties. You got a different city. New people , new job. And see , now you have your priorities changed . Answer me Neha what about the promises ?"
-"am not ready yet for any commitments right now , Rahul"
-"but i thought we are already committed"
******
-" Rahul ... Rahul ... "
-"oh yes ... Im good"
-"where are you bro? I need your help"
-"no just something reminded me of Neha"
-"I'm Sorry"
-"You know . Sometimes we think , we are in love . But its not. We aren't . Its just a mere habit "
-"habit?"
-"habit of being loved by someone."
-"but ... Isn't habit and love are the same? I mean if you love someone , that someone is already your habit right?"
-"the entire problem lies here sis , we think them to be same while they're not. Sometimes we make someone our habit. And then when we get someone better or suppose someone equal but it satisfies us more than the previous one , our priorities change and thus what we call as love , it ceases to exist"
-"but am still guilty and totally confused of whome to choose , the one who's giving me a better life right now or the one who already gave me a better life and now expects my patience towards him , in return"
-"and are you afraid of returning it to him"
-" no am not . But at the same time i cannot resist myself from being with Pranay"
-" i dont know why we chose December for the trip. The nights are still so cold"
-"but it feels good. The morning baths are warm followed by the shivering nights , but its not the point. Please dont daviate"
-"It is exactly the point sis. Even if you are guilty for what is happening around you . You still like it like you do the december trip right?"
-" yeah but..."
-"people ? They never change initially. They evolve. Their entire emotion system evolves . And then they diviate from the path they were meant to stay , and so did you. "
-"so am i wrong ?"
-the decision is all yours . You know being your brother ill at maximum can support your emotion , cant control it. If you think you love Abhi you can always get out of the attachments. Howsoever tiring your day is you'll always find peace in him . And if you think you are happy with Pranay and this may last long , then i just want to make sure that prioritties always changes . Never mistake your habits with your priorities. First learn the difference and you know you can easily sort your decision thereafter.
-"hmm "
-" sis , if you think you dont love him anymore , give him a valid reason for that and if you think you can wait for him then you need to understand Pranay isn't the right path for you"
-" but what if i take the wrong decision "
It was 3 at midnight . We were just halfway to our lives . I looked at the counter . Its chilling already .
-" do you want a beer ?"
-" but i need to clear myself out"
She closed her eyes and leaned back while I took out my cell phone , swiped my gallery and tapped on a screenshot ,
-" i just don't feel for you anymore , im good here with my life "
-" it was always about your life Neha"
- TO BE CONTINUED